Balls and Walnuts
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Maureen Dowd, reigning queen of one-liners
Reprinted in full by Tennessee Guerilla Women, Maureen Dowd’s latest column, “Hot Monkey Love,” is packed with sizzling one-liners:
But this time, [President Bush] may want to think twice before strapping on a Texas-shaped belt buckle. W. might inadvertently conjure up images of Bushback Mountain.
The High Plains, one of the few remaining arenas where men were men, may now evoke something more ambiguous, like men with men. After “Brokeback Mountain,” pitching that pup tent on the prairie will never seem the same.
Can a culture built on laconic cowboys like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood survive one rough-hewn cowboy crooning to another, as Jake Gyllenhaal’s Jack Twist tells Heath Ledger’s Ennis Del Mar, “Sometimes I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it,” and, “I wish I knew how to quit you”?
Everything will have to be re-evaluated. “High Plains Drifter” now sounds like a guy who might get arrested in a bus station bathroom. And audiences may be ready for “The Good, the Bad and the Bad Hair Day.”
Hollywood is busy sensitizing – and emotionally layering – archetypal macho guys, including our most famous alpha male. He’s still strong and decisive. His back’s as hairy as ever*. But it’s just not the same Kong.
This lovable overgrown monkey is more like the brooding, wounded and steadfast romantic heroes Heathcliff and Rick Blaine. Like Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy, Peter Jackson’s big ape goes for gals with spunk. He likes babes who juggle more than jiggle.
This gorilla doesn’t go around tossing “gorilla dust,” as Ross Perot used to call it, just to get into another alpha’s space. He doesn’t look for a T. Rex simply to rip its jaws apart – he only protects his loved ones. He’d rather hang out on his mountain, enjoying the sunset and watching his gal juggle and do pratfalls.
And much, much more.
D.
*Maybe I have a chance as a romantic lead after all.
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