Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Somehow, Aziz’s words sound much better when Snoop Dogg sez ’em
From Jurassic Pork, who got it from Blue Gal, meet Gizoogle, a translator which will turn any web page into Dogg-speak.
My little frog has this to say, post-translation:
No, you may not breed wit me, so stiznop dippin’.
Remember yesterday’s bit on the Guardian Unlimited Books’ Bad Sex in Fiction Award? Here’s a translated excerpt:
Wizzle is it `bout sex tizzle drives such respected authors as Jiznohn Updike*, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, n Salman Rushdie ta tha absolute pits of literary whiffydom? Read tha Guardian Unlimited article n savor tha rizzay odor of truly bad weed-smokin’. Sorry, Daisy, I know yo piece won mah contest, but it shouldn’t have. It was far too wizzle written.
Takes one of tha pimp entries:
The Olive Rappa by Christine Aziz (Macmillan)
We made our way ta tha summerhizouse n hid in its shadows with the S-N-double-O-P. We lay on tha coo` floor n I twined mah legs around Rappa body, blunt-rollin’ him like a hunta hang’n on ta its prey. He made love ta me wit his finga n I came in tha palm of his hand. He stroked mah breasts n nizzle. “Don’t wizzle it away” he said. “I want ta be able ta smizzay you tonight.”
Like a playa hang’n on ta its prey? And what’s wit tha funky punctuation (“Don’t W-to-tha-izzash it away” he said.)? My high schoo` AP English motherfucka would hizzle red-lined me ta hell n B-to-tha-izzack . You’se a flea and I’m the big dogg.
As fo` content — eeew. You wouldn’t repeat this ta yo bizzle friend, would you? For M-to-tha-izzost people, this would qualify as too M-to-tha-izzuch 411 . If you wouldn’t tizzell it ta yo bizzy friend, why would you share it wit yo reada?
*Jiznohn Updike — that’s my favorite, considering the Updike’s winning entry ;o)
D.
Thanks for the linky. Gotcha blogrolled, babe.
Ooh, like your picture, Blue Gal.
Blogroll back at ya.