Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Hey, neighbor!
Did I tell you Tom Hanks bought a beach-front home about a mile or two up the road? That shocked me at first, but then I figured it out. He can probably charter a private plane, or perhaps he has friends who fly. They’ll fly into Brookings’ little airport bringing all of their goodies with them. Food, friends, booze, maybe even a chef. He comes in for the weekend, parties it up, takes long walks on the beach, soaks up the great scenery, then goes home to where there’s stuff to do. That’s my theory. I can’t imagine he’ll actually want to blend in with us plebes. And while it might be fun to clean his earwax, I’d have a hard time not saying, “You know, I haven’t liked anything you’ve done since Big. Or was it Splash? Or Turner and Hooch? One of those. Why can’t you make movies like those, why does everything have to be MEANINGFUL these days? Get over yourself. You’re not entertaining anymore. It’s like the way Steve Martin sucks so much lately. Last good movie he did was The Man With Two Brains. Or maybe Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid — whichever was the last one. He used to be good. Now he fancies himself a Serious Actor. Just like you do, Tom. May I call you Tom? And I’d like to add, Forrest Gump sucked. I never saw it, but every clip I ever saw from it made my brain hurt. It pains me just knowing that movie exists. Do you use Q-tips? You shouldn’t, you know. By the way, I have this screenplay. Well, not really; it’s more of a short story. But it would lend itself nicely to a screenplay. Several short stories, actually, but I really see you as the dad in this one. Or maybe the granddad. You’ve kind of let yourself go.”
No, he really doesn’t want to get to know the locals. Trust me on this.
Stick around. I should be live by 8:15 PM my time.
D.
There you go. Another selling point for your house. Tom Hanks is your neighbor, just a mile up the road.
You cannot say that Forrest Gump sucked without having seen it. You cannot. You have to see it. Then again, you might enjoy the novel more.
Funnily enough, my family just watched Apollo 13 tonight. I quite liked it. Of course, I also liked Saving Private Ryan, despite the schlocky bits.
And on the subject of Steve Martin…you didn’t like L.A. Story? Or Bowfinger? Those are recent(ish) SM movies that are favorites in my house.
Forrest Gump sucked. There, I said it.
fiveandfour, I haven’t seen those. I developed SM fatigue when he started taking that serious turn, and I haven’t gone back. I’ll see what YouTube has on those two movies . . .
I’m not supposed to use Qtips?
shit.
I’m not supposed to use Qtips?
I’m not sure I want to take advice from someone who thinks that Forrest Gump “sucked.” 😉
Depends how you use ’em, O’Brien.
Dan, I’m not sure I want to take blogging advice from someone who thinks “Life is like a box of chocolates” is profound 🙂
I wasn’t going to say anything, but since a couple of others did, I’ll back them. I liked Forrest Gump (maybe because I was a teenager during that time period, I don’t know). The novel? Now THAT sucked, big time.
so when u gone ink that movie deal
So you’re not going to bring him a “welcome to the neighborhood” plant?
Well, okay, but life is like a box of chocolates and my Technorati rank is still higher than yours, so there! 😉
rdb: just as soon as they make an offer.
kate: naw, they’ve already taken out a restraining order.
dan: you forgot to mention that you’ve made more money from your blog than I have from mine, too.
Why am I not supposed to use Qtips?
Can you tell I’m a Qtip user?
Wow.
Just wow.
Tom Hanks? Really? How can you hate Tom Hanks? That’s like hating money.
This is all starting to make sense. The irrational McCain hatred. Weezel love. Do you hate It’s a Wonderful Life too?
Golly.
(Of course, I’m one of six people who don’t like The Beatles, so… there you go.)
As a matter of fact, I do hate It’s a Wonderful Life. And irrational McCain hatred? I used to really like the guy before he became a warmongering Bush-backer. Back in his “agents of intolerance” phase, he was one of the good guys. Now he’s just another thug.
I don’t hate Tom Hanks. I would prefer it if he would stick to light stuff, that’s all. Why must everyone make their bones in “serious” movies?
As a matter of fact, I do hate It’s a Wonderful Life.
You’re just completely hopeless. 😉 I mean, I’m not a fan of the Ted Turner-ized colorised version that, thankfully, I’ve never seen aired in many many moons, but the original is classic.
I’m still waiting for the version with zombies. How soon does that one come out?
Hey Doug – I did see Forrest Gump, and I still hated it. The clips you’ve seen that turned you against the movie are completely representative of the whole thing.