Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
I should never have looked at my stat counter
Good thing I’m depressed. Otherwise, my seriously tanked stats would depress the hell out of me. As it is, my emotional reaction to a paltry 147 hits today is, “Oh. Look at that.”
Corn Dog and Erin O’Brien are doing it, so I thought I would, too. Here are the highlights from the last few hundred hits . . .
1. “pebbles and bam-bam tickling”
2. tight bikini lesbian
3. prairie muffin
4. keith olbermann gay?
5. lazy sex positions (HEY! Why are y’all looking at ME for that one?)
6. how to use tampons
7. horrible diseases (that one I can understand)
8. lorazepam holywater
9. headlice hotsauce
10. carrie underwood nude
11. penile botox injections (um . . . why? I think I’ll have to google that one myself)
12. hippocratic pelvic massage (upon my oath!)
and
13. this image (found by searching “dragon cleavage”):
See? I even snuck a Thirteen in on you.
D.
I love #8. May I use it in a short story? Lorazepam holywater. Sound like something the The Holy Father of Pound Cake might use to cure dragon cleavage. I’m going to get some cards printed and pass them out that say, “pullupurpant.org”
“headlice hotsauce” tickled me. Kinda gross, though.
Hello.
Lesbian in tight pink bikini here. I’ll have a prairie muffin and a hippocaratic pelvic massage, please.
Counting the minutes until I can get home and Google the living sh!t out of “Dragon Cleavage.”
I’m imagining a scene in which someone is frantically googling ‘how to use tampons’ and comes to your blog for answers.