Inevitably, I’ve graduated from MILFs to GMILFs

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This trophy wife thing? I’ve always thought it unseemly . . . except for Dennis (age 61) and Elizabeth (age 30) Kucinich. Dennis gets a pass, since he’s the poster child for LAWHSHC, Leprechauns of America Who Have Scored Hot Chicks.

Go Dennis. Too bad about that failed Presidential bid, but you still have Elizabeth.

Anyway, with great rarity, I’ve been an age-appropriate crusher. There was Cathy Rieux, a sixth grader who gave me a respectable kiss when I was a mere third-grader, but she was the exception to the rule.

So here I am getting older and older and my tastes are aging, too. (In case you’re wondering, Karen knows I’m a gawker-and-innocent-flirter and doesn’t mind it. She might start minding it if someone actually came on to me, but since that never seems to happen, her peace of mind remains unperturbed.) Today, I found myself thinking, “Nice MILF!” only to realize the MILF in question was almost certainly a GMILF. And some of the women I look twice at are probably GGMILFs. Scary.

Bear in mind that in my county, women are grandmothers by age 40. Guess I should have clarified that earlier.

I don’t understand these men who go on Southeast Asian sex junkets so that they can mess with underage girls. Even twenty-year-olds. A sixty-year-old man and a twenty-year-old is just ew. Wasn’t Jack Nicholson making movies like that not long ago? I think so. I remember doing my best to avoid them.

There are some pretty hot GMILFs out there. Here’s Claudia Cardinale in 2003, at which time she was about twenty years older than I am at present:

Even making allowances for makeup, she’s damned fine. Bone structure is everything and this photo proves it.

Women get to crush on older guys all the time. I know how some of y’all feel about Sean Connery (age 77) or Patrick Stewart (age 67). Hell, Alan Rickman is 62. George Clooney is my age, which still puts him a lot older than many of my readers.

But guys crushing on older women, that gets lampooned as if it’s against the natural order of things. Guess it’s that whole idea of a woman’s sexuality being tied to her fertility. Well, I don’t buy it. Sexuality is what it is and there’s nothing that ties it to fertility.

Here’s Lauren Bacall on Charlie Rose. She was, I think, 81 when she did this interview. See what you think.

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My image in the mirror shifts too slowly for me to notice the effects of time. That’s not me anyway; I hardly recognize him anymore. But my changing eye, the interests which have over the years flowed from dark and perky to salt-and-pepper and — um — gravitationally compliant, that’s a difference which is hard to rationalize away.

I’ve grown up.

Walnut, April 4, 2008. Category: Sex.