Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
The original weapon of mass destruction
It’s Blog Against Theocracy Day (weekend, really), the blogosphere’s chance to sharpen the line between Church and State.
The Ark of the Covenant burned scorpions and spiders, zapped unauthorized ark-touchers, won battles. When the Philistines captured the Ark and placed it in Dagon’s temple, the statue of Dagon was found the next morning toppled and shattered, and the people in the region were afflicted by plagues of mice and hemorrhoids. The Ark was one bad-assed WMD.
When the Babylonians ransacked the First Temple, the Ark disappeared from history. Like fragments of the True Cross, lots of folks claim to have the Ark — from the Ethiopian Orthodox Church in Axum, Ethiopia, to the British Israelites who excavated the Irish Hill of Tara. But to my knowledge, the Ark’s trail of hemorrhoids and destruction came to an end sometime around 586 BCE.
Google “Ark of the Covenant” and you’ll find Jewish sites and Christian sites, all manner of people of faith who believe implicitly in the historicity of the Ark. But like so much of the Old Testament (from Solomon on back), independent archaeological evidence is lacking.
Folks who believe in coincidence and innuendo can buttress their faith with the flimsiest evidence. A stone fragment inscribed with the phrase “Bet David” (House of David) validates their belief in King David, and if King David was real, so too Solomon, the First Temple, the Davidic line, Jesus, and all the rest. And some folks don’t even need a chunk of stone:
But it should be noted at the outset that the question of historicity has been safely shunted aside. The historicity of Noah’s Ark cannot be asserted. But the historicity of the second Ark most definitely can be. If the Ark of the Covenant never existed, nobody would have told a pointless story about David dancing in front of it. Even if Noah turns out to be fable, David can never be anything but fact.
If you want to believe in the Ark, be my guest. It’s a free country, thank Flying Spaghetti Monster. (Some time ago, I overheard a conversation between two patients in my waiting room. Both had come in holding their copies of the New Testament so it was only natural they should strike up a conversation. “How about the Shroud?” said one. “Think it’s real?” The other fellow said, “Absolutely.” “Sampling error and contamination error,” said the first one, to which the second fellow said, “Amen.”) But I invite the nonbelievers to entertain the following question:
If the Ark did not exist, why would anyone invent it?
Perhaps this mythical WMD was a story to frighten enemies of the kingdom. Back then, the real thing would have to have been powered by God. God’s might could have been the great equalizer, the hole card which made a losing hand a winner. If the people believed it, they would not lose hope. And if the enemy believed it, they might be that much less inclined to attack.
Funny, isn’t it, how poorly mythical WMDs serve their governments? Then, as now, superstition will only carry a government so far. Eventually, the people or their enemies call out the Wizard of Oz. Eventually, they say, “Show me the money.”
Or, in this case, “Show me the hemorrhoids and mice.”
D.
If the Ark of the Covenant never existed, nobody would have told a pointless story about David dancing in front of it.
Well, obviously. It must be true, because no one could ever make up a story like that.
Uh … what’s fiction?
Perhaps the threat of the arc was enough to keep them protected, or so they hoped. Reminds me of the story of a castle under siege for a very long time, the folks inside were starving and down to their last cow, but the folks outside were also on their last legs. So in a final statement of defiance, the besieged catapulted the cow over the wall. The sieging troops thought “If those bastards have enough food in supply to waste throwing a cow over the wall, we’ll never wait them out. We quit.” and that’s how the castle survived. It was all about illusion.
Maybe the fear of hemorrhoids was enough to keep the attackers questioning. Maybe it was faith in an object – how many people do you know believe in crystal healing? To me it’s a rock, to someone else it’s a liver cleansing tool. *shrug*
I heard the ark was in hollywood LOL
you guys are cracking me up.
Chris: doesn’t that line make you want to giggle? Or slap the guy who wrote it. One of the two.
Lyvvie: a crock? Oh, a rock!.
rdb: yeah, a warehouse, wasn’t it? With Harrison Ford’s name on it 🙂
Of course it’s real. I saw it in a movie.
Not only that, but now my kids have their “Indiana Jones” Lego sets. Which means I not only have a Lego Ark of the Covenant. I have Lego Nazis!
OMG. Don’t tell me they have little Lego Swastikas.
Someone needs to film a Lego Triumph of the Will (by Legi Riefenstahl).
Separation of Church and State was never intended to get rid of religion from the legal system. It was intended to PROTECT religion from the legal system and to insure religious freedom.