Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Contest Redux
Before I forget to mention it, make sure you take the poll (below this post). Inquiring minds want to know! Also, if you feel cheated by this morning’s redux, scroll down below the poll, because I posted yesterday evening. That’s where you’ll find your Duggar update. I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to hear that Number Sixteen (“Numsixteenie,” that’s what Ma and Pa Duggar have nicknamed her) is doing great, taking the nipple like a true Duggar.
My psychic twin Kate pointed out that my last Contest post had a hopelessly muddled preamble, which doubtless scared some folks away. Here are the rules, sans other BS.
A. This is the Good Bad Sex Challenge. See the last Contest post if you want amplification (and examples). In brief, the point is to write about sex in the worst possible way. Mixed and inappropriate metaphors, similes so malodorous they make you weep — got it?
You don’t even have to write a complete scene. Give me a sentence. A sentence fragment. Like that one. Or this one. Just make it reek to high heaven, okay? It’s like the Bad Hemingway contest without the machisimo. Or maybe with the machisimo, if that’s what floats your boat.
B. Two hundred words or less. Don’t get carried away or I’ll hurt you.
C. Use this post for entries only. I will post a chat thread below this one for comments and questions.
D. The prize: a $20 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble books, BUT: if you promote this contest on your blog or website, AND if you win, I’ll make it a $30 gift certificate. (When you post your entry, tell me where you have posted your promo.)
E. Entries will be judged by my ten-year-old son Jake.
F. Just kidding! Jeez, that would be a total buzz kill, eh? No, we’ll judge this like we do at the Writers BBS. Email me your votes for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. You may not vote for yourself. Scoring will be based on a point system: 1st place is 5 points, 2nd is 3 points, and 3rd is one point.
G. Multiple entries are allowed. In fact, multiple entries are usually necessary to achieve optimal results. *um, sorry, couldn’t help myself*
H. Contest begins: NOW!
I. Contest ends: Midnight, Pacific Standard Time, Tuesday, October 18th.
J. Voting begins: immediately after the contest ends.
K. Voting ends: Midnight, Pacific Standard Time, Thursday, October 20th.
L. You must enter the contest to vote. Sorry, but if any of y’all are as Type A as I am, you’ll probably end up paying winos to go to their local libraries, hop on the computer, and vote for you, just so you’ll win some dumb gift certificate. And besides, I’m trying to encourage entries.
New!!! M. You may enter as many times as you like.
Enjoy!
D.
IMPORTANT
Okay, folks, post your entries in reply to the original contest post right here. That way, they’ll all be in the same place.