Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
So there’s this thing called Craig’s List
Corn Dog, God bless her and her little dog, sends me ads from Craig’s List, like this one:
No nudity or sex required, just lots of panty teasing and camel toes. Fun creative and imaginative shoots; and you get to keep all about 10 pairs of new panties and thongs. $10 to $30/hr for 5 hour shoots depending on your looks and experience.
I’m open to all types of models 18 or older so feel free to submit a pic or two and I’ll get back to you with more details.
I’m feeling fed up with medicine lately . . . but as a doc, sorry, $30/hr ain’t gonna cut it. I’ll pass on this one. Hey, Craig, you got any other offers?
Need to relearn skills of making love. I am a healthy male in 50’s , stuck in a boring, dull marraige which is sex less. Fair compensation for caring teacher.
Aside from me being hetero, this one could — Oh. Wait. He wants a woman aged 20-29. But aside from me being hetero, too old, and too male, that one had potential.
I wonder if anyone would pay me for stuff I do anyway?
100 and hour for masturbation videos.
if u like to masturbate then why not get paid. lets talk. pic and number please any race. just be sexy.mroe involved session are also avail.
Trouble is, if I work eight hours a day at this, I’m going to get some serious rug burn. Anyway, it seems like nearly every one of these ads is for women!
I trained at LA County Hospital. Does that mean I qualify as a
GHETTO BOIZ
Are you a hot ghetto boi? If you want to make gr8t $, send your photo to be considered for our next photo shoot.
Mmm, maybe not.
I don’t qualify for this next one, but the money is right.
$5000 – Curvy Tahitian Girl Sought
I am doing a photo shoot for a client with VERY SPECIFIC TASTE.
You MUST be of some kind of Tahitian descent, between 5’2 and 5’4, and extremely curvy. THIS DOES NOT MEAN FAT. You must have long, smooth, and sensual curves to apply. An ability to lift a bull elephant with your legs will also be seen favorably.
Every care will be taken for your comfort; I am an experienced, professional photographer. You must be open to nudity, both yours and mine – I find it extremely helpful to the creative atmosphere.
Again, no fat chicks.
I find it extremely helpful to the creative atmosphere. I’ll have to remember that line.
I want a job where I can earn six figures a year cleaning out one patient’s ear wax. Is that asking so much?
D.
That last one is a hoot. Actually, they all had me rolling. I like the ending – “Again, no fat chicks.”
Well, for $5K I guess he can be as demanding as he wants to be. He wants MUSCLE, not FAT (it takes muscle to lift those elephants).
Hmmm. Combining your interests, maybe you could write and direct porn movies? There’s a distinct need for decent scripts…. 🙂
You know, you may be onto something! Where do I sign up?
I want a job where I can earn six figures a year cleaning out one patient’s ear wax. Is that asking so much?
Yes, because if you find that person, I’ll underbid you. I have no medical training, but I have peroxide, vinegar, cotton swabs, tweezers and candles. I also have some medical books, which I would read first. 😉
Oh, but I have many, many years of experience. Nobody does it better, la la la . . .
Whatever. Look at the popularity of Wal-Mart and then tell me that people shop for quality rather than price. 😉
If someone stuck a needle-sharp hook into your ear canal because he had to pull stuff right off your ear drum, which would you prefer: high quality, or low price?
I’m a bit confused by number two; is he asking for someone to teach him how to be a better lover as his relationship has gone stale, or is he offering his expertise to twenty-somethings? Really a twist of punctuation could turn this either way, and how do get around to haggling the “Fair compensation”? I can see the benefits for him, but what’s in it for her?
Lyvvie: I don’t think it matters. The goal is for a 50 yo to get a 25 yo into the sack. Once that is accomplished, everything else is a mere detail.
I would prefer quality, but we’re not talking about me. 😉