Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Will someone please tell me
why, with my Great Brain, I can’t figure out a less stressful way to make a living?
Perhaps I’m identifying with the wrong Fitzgerald. Perhaps I have less in common with T.D., he of the titular brain, and more in common with J.D., he of the little brain. The data are compelling. J.D. likes to write; I like to write. J.D. has a little brain and doesn’t have T.D.’s capacity for moneymaking; I have a little brain, too, as witnessed by the fact I clean wax and snot for a living*.
I have a bipolar self-esteem. Sometimes I’m a shoe-scraping, sometimes I’m a national treasure who deserves to be paid for his existence. The truth is, I suspect, somewhere in between. Like: I’m a shoe-scraping who deserves a fair wage for cleaning yuck out of people’s ears.
Maybe I need to live a simpler life. On Colbert last night, he had on some fella who has written a book about the happiest places on Earth. Turns out you only need $15,000 per annum to enjoy life. More money does not necessarily equate with more happiness. But it’s not like we’re filthy overindulgent consumers at Chez Walnut. The mortgage is our only fiscal hemorrhage. True, the ferret food is astronomically priced, but $10 a box isn’t that bad in the great scheme of things. Is it?
*WELCOME CROOKS AND LIARS READERS*
Bet you’re wondering why Mike sent you here. Well, you’ll get no enlightenment from me!
D.
*Observant readers will wonder what’s so stressful about cleaning yuck out of people’s ears and noses. Well, you’re right. 98% of my work is dull. It’s the 2% — those times when I’m on the spot for one potential disaster or another — that gets me down.
Oooh, I loved The Great Brain books!
I think you ought to invest in a Zen garden.
Maybe this will help.
The answer to your problem is to come into a butt load of money and open up a bakery. Papa had plenty of stress in his life (AND YOU KNOW WHY), but I bet when he was baking bagels/rye bread, he was stress free. Maybe it’s all that dough punching.
I loved those books too!
Doug can open a bakery any time without money worries. I hear there’s lots of dough in them.
Eeeew.