Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Penile Collagen Injection for the Masses
It’s true. Women phone me from all over the country, ask my advice, and then write articles about what I say. They get published in various womens’ magazines with babes like Cameron Diaz on the cover. Just buy the May edition of Marie Claire and see for yourself (I’ve been quoted in Cosmo, too.). So that you don’t have to trouble yourself with Cameron’s “secret passions” or the article “SEX with strangers (the naughty trend YOU need to know)”, go straight to page 201 and listen to yours truly holding forth on the subject of acid reflux.
Whatever you do, don’t turn the page, or you might see a very tasteful black-and-white photograph of a blonde knockout being orally pleasured by . . . oh, I dunno . . . someone with dark hair. Maybe it’s her husband. Yeah, that’s it.
The article (spoilers! spoilers!) is about vaginal rejuvenation surgery and G-spot collagen injection. This last bit caught my attention. Get this: it costs $1800 and is supposed to improve orgasm. And it lasts about three months before the collagen is absorbed.
Waves of ozone spilled from my dizzily cranking flywheels. G-spot collage injection? I once injected collagen into a woman’s lips to make them more Julia-Robertsy, so why not? While we’re at it, we* could advocate clitoral collagen injection for women whose men are permanently lost at sea. (Where, honey? Where? Damn. Thought I had it that time.) Or penile collagen injections: semi-permanently ribbed for her pleasure.
Tweaked white women like Jocelyne Wildenstein get plastic surgery to look like lions. Southern California parents want their pre-teen daughters to have breast implants to hurry along their modeling career (sorry, no link for that — I’d have to sift through too many kiddie porn sites, and I’m not that twisted). Some guys are getting horns and whiskers surgically implanted. And then there’s Michael Jackson. And so I ask you: why the hell not?
I have an answer, but before I share it with you, take a look at this blog, wherein writer Katie attributes all of this to . . . SATAN!
Why say no to G-spot collagen injection? Simple good sense: there’s no track record. Wait for the double blind trials, people.
Why say no to the Jocelyne Wildensteins and Michael Jacksons of the world? Because they’re in piss poor taste, that’s why. I mean . . . look at them. Come on.
By the way, there are no such things as ‘penile collagen injection’ or ‘clitoral collagen injection’. I did an advanced search on Google and it just ain’t there. Thank heavens.
D.
*’We’ in the sense of ‘extended medical community’, naturally. As an ENT, if I stray below your collarbones with anything other than a stethoscope, stop me.
I’m not at all familiar with your site. Just encountered it on a search for “G-spot injection” I found your response thoughtful and intelligent but lacking in the depth of medical information needed to evaluate new modalities. I know nothing about G-spot injection, but as a gynecologist for 30 years a know a great deal about vaginal anatomy, filler injection, and most of all the profound distress that women experience with impaired sexual function. I have been looking for the studies you’ve referred to and have found none either. I doubt that there are or ever will be. From my perspective, I think that the concept is logical and adhering to the dictum of “above all do no harm”, I can see very little downside in a trial on well chosen volunteers. Might do it myself.
i saw it on dr 90210 and was quite intriged by this i am a 46 yr old woman that can not achieve an orgasm thats not to say i haven’t had a few but certainly not enough .Where can i get this injection .I live on Long Island i could sure use some help on this matter…dying to come …Elizabeth
I also saw this on Dr. 90210 and nip/tuck…yes I realize nip/tuck is not real but Dr. 90210 is. Elizabeth I am in your age range and suffer from the same “lack of orgasm” When I say suffer, I do mean suffer…it is hard for others to realize how much that occasional orgasm means to people like you and I. What are we to do? I feel sometimes like ripping my hair out. I can’t fly to the 90210 postal code in california to have this procedure done. Have you been able to find any help to this problem? Hopelessly waiting!