Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Too short to be taken seriously
Tonight, Indecision 2008 features their Candidate Casting Couch: The Simpsons, wherein their writers have decided who among the Simpsons’ cast best matches the 2008 Presidential candidates. For example,
Dennis Kucinich = Lisa Simpson
Good message, always on point, vegetarian, too short to be taken seriously
Funny post, lots funnier than this one will be. You see, I am not in a humorous mood; I have more serious matters in mind. I’m provoked by curious about that phrase, “too short to be taken seriously.” Trouble is, I suspect they’re right. Think about it. Over the ages, how many ultrashort men have been taken seriously?
Well, this guy, for one — the original Napoleon Dynamite:
And, in recent history, former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich,
Sweet Jeebus, aren’t there any more important tall people? Well, there’s always this guy —
That’s it: Napoleon, Reich, Cruise. For the rest of us shorties, life’s an uphill battle.
I wasn’t sure about that trio. Might there be a few more important shorties out there? And so I googled “famous short people” and found this site. My first observation in viewing this list is, “OMFG, what a bunch of liars.” No way is Tom Cruise taller than me. And am I really supposed to believe Woody Allen is my height? I think not!
But I am wrong, apparently. Sharing my height are (were) Kurt Cobain, Dustin Hoffman, John “Elephant Man” Merrick, Josef Stalin, King Tut, and the Marquis de Sade. I edge out T.E. Lawrence, Hirohito, Harry Houdini, and Christina Applegate. I’m LOTS taller than Michael J. Fox and Queen Elizabeth, and I’m delighted to note that Lucy Liu would have to look up to me, too. Slightly.
I tower* over the Monkees’ Davey Jones, Mahatma Gandhi, Voltaire, and Nikita Krushchev. Natalie Portman is a very compatible height indeed. Natalie, based on the number of times Karen has watched V for Vendetta, I think something might be arranged.
Muggsy Bogues, the shortest NBA player ever, is 5′ 3″.
Dudley Moore and Paul Simon, 5′ 2″. Princess Leia, 5′ 1″.
If you’re not convinced yet of the falseness of the premise — that height is a prerequisite for historical clout — consider:
St. Frances of Assisi: 5′ 1″
John Keats: 5′ 3/4″
Joan of Arc: 4′ 11″
Mother Theresa: 4′ 10″
How tall is Dennis Kucinich? According to Vote for Breakfast, he’s about 5′ 7″ or 5′ 8″. Three or four inches taller than Davey Jones — that’s plenty tall enough to be President.
So cut the height prejudice, Indecision 2008, before Jon Stewart (5′ 7″) hears about it.
D.
*a very, very short tower.
You look tall in your headshots.
Charles Manson’s 5′ 2″.
You could kick his ass. Easily. 🙂
Hmmmm….
Dustin Hoffman — Height: 5′ 6¾” (1.70 M) according to http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000163/bio
Kurt Cobain — Height: 5′ 10″ (1.78 M) according to http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001052/bio
Marquis De Sade — Height: 5′ 2″ (1.57 M) according to http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0211381/bio
and other sources put Stalin at 5ft 4″ and King Tut at 5ft 6″
Confused in Melbourne
Dan: it’s the baldness. I’m sure of it.
Tam: just so long as he’s not packing heat.
microsoar: go on, be that way.
If microsoar’s right, I’d be eye to eye with Dustin. Sadly for Dustin, I like my men towering.
Tam said:
Charles Manson’s 5′ 2″.
You could kick his ass. Easily.
And he’s a racist. So you should.
sxK: one word. Lifts.
Dean: Dammit, I will!
Oh, wait, he’s no longer at Pelican Bay State Prison, so I won’t get the chance 🙁
According to that site, Catherine Deneuve and Gina Gershon and I would all see eye to eye. I’m definitely ready to test that out in person.
I prefer men who tower but married one who annoyingly looks me in the eye all the time. We are both 5’8″
Nice. I’m the same height as John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and… Conan O’Brien. Fairly good company there.
sxK said: Sadly for Dustin, I like my men towering.
Umm, should I be worried? I hardly fit that description…
Toweringness is based on relative, not absolute, height, and is heavily influenced by attitude and overall build. A really tall, skinny guy doesn’t tower nearly as well as a moderately tall, burly guy, IMHO.
Doug – back me up here. Dean towers, does he not?
Nice save, sxK. He towers, he towers. Now you two go off and do what you do best.
I don’t remember you as short, Doug. Maybe because I’m short?? At least to my Mother’s people I was a towering giant. Her family was all vertically challenged. I’m 5′ 3″.
I’m 5’10”. I love tall men, but for some reason I usually attract men shorter than me or my height. My ex-husband is also 5’10’ and I have had as many shorter boyfriends over the years as taller ones. A shorter man is only a problem for me if he is insecure about it. Unfortunately,that has been an issue a few times.
I come from a family of giants so I usually don’t notice a man’s height right away unless he is 6’4″ or taller. Dad was 6’6″ and I have a few uncles and cousins who are taller. One of my Dad’s brothers is only 6’1″ and his nickname is Runt. Only in my family.
Now you two go off and do what you do best.
And that would be …?
Do I have a complex about it? Not as long as I hang around people like Karen and Corn Dog. I don’t know . . . I guess I don’t. But then, why do I think about it fairly often?
sxK: make HouseApes?
microsoar, I think I figured it out. When he wakes up in the morning, he’s 5’10”. By mid-afternoon or so, gravity’s been rough, so he’s down to 5’6-3/4″. By bedtime, he’s down to 5’2″. 😉