Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Pseudo gyros
Here’s a thumbnail of a disembodied mouth smiling at a gyro:
Sometimes I wonder how much time I waste searching Google Images for a high quality jpg to rip off. Then I shake myself all over and wonder about something else.
This time around, it struck me that if my readers don’t know what a gyro looks like, these pictures aren’t going to help. That’s why you’re only getting a thumbnail (not to mention the fact that the full size image frightens me). Anyway, in my quest for a gyro jpg, I found this dude, whom I suspect may be a kindred spirit. Here, he’s writing about French Dip with Au Jus:
Waiter at a crappy restaurant: “What can I get you?â€
Me: “I would like French dip with cheese, Swiss cheese, and fries please!â€
Waiter at a crappy restaurant: “Ummmm, ok.â€
Me: “Oh, and don’t forget the Ahhh Jooooo!â€
Hot lesbian in next booth: “Did you hear how sophisticated that man is? He makes me want to turn away from the lesbian lifestyle forever.â€
Other hot lesbian in next booth: “I agree with you, but instead of becoming heterosexual, maybe we should become bi-sexual, I think that would please him more.â€
Ah, but you’re not interested in Typical Male Fantasy #4875. You’re here for the food — specifically, how to make fast, tasty, homemade gyros. Follow me below the fold . . .
In restaurants Can you even call these places restaurants? Gyroterias, how’s that? Lovely, lovely holes-in-the-wall, the only place to get real food. That is, when we’re not dropping $$$$$ at the upscaliest Italian restaurant in Vancouver — more on that some other day. Anyway, gyroterias make their gyros on a spit. Somehow, they add layer upon layer of marinated lamb strips to a metal rod until the whole thing looks like a side of beef. They spit-roast the thing, carving thin slices off to make your sandwich. OMFG, you know? And if you don’t know, you owe it to yourself to find out.
Vegans: sorry. Can’t do this one with tofu, so don’t even try.
In their last issue, Cooks Illustrated published a recipe for gyros-at-home, a recipe that didn’t require you to marinate thirty pounds of lamb or buy a rotisserie. Call them lamburgers, if you like, although I think that does them a gross injustice. So, yesterday, I decided I wanted to make that recipe again, only I couldn’t find the correct issue of Cooks Illustrated! I had to wing it from memory.
And they were better.
In retrospect (now that I’ve found the issue), these are more heavily seasoned than the Cooks’ recipe. I put more pita into the mix, too, and I didn’t bother with the tzatziki sauce. If you really really want the tzatziki recipe, let me know, and I’ll post it in the comments. But I’m telling you: I made tzatziki the first time and skipped it the second time, and the second time was a whole lot better than the first.
1 pound ground lamb
1 package whole wheat pitas (5 to a package)
1 small onion, diced
juice from 1/2 large lemon
1 teaspoon kosher salt (or more, to taste)
1/2 teaspoon (or more, to taste) freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried dill
2 large cloves of garlic, crushed
Nancy’s Organic Whole Milk Yogurt
Diced cucumber
Quartered cherry tomatoes
1. Cut the tops off of the pitas — about 1.5 inches off of each, enough so that you can easily open up the pocket. If you’ve bought the kind that don’t have pockets, sacrifice one whole pita to the recipe. Dice the pita into small bits, perhaps 1/2 inch by 1 inch.
2. Into the bowl of a food processor, add the pita bits, lemon juice (two tablespoonfuls, I think?), salt, pepper, oregano, thyme, dill, and garlic. Process to a paste. I suppose you could do this in a blender, but I think it’s easier to use the food processor. Open up the bowl, scrape down sides, repeat until you have a nice paste.
3. With a fork, combine the paste and the meat.
4. Take a heaping teaspoonful of the mixture and flatten it into a pancake perhaps 1/3 inch thick. Cook it in a frying pan until it is dark and crispy on each side. Taste it. Correct your meat mixture for salt and pepper, if necessary.
5. Fry up three or four patties at a time, each measuring about 1 to 2 inches in diameter. Again, you want them dark and crispy (but not burned) on each side, so regulate your heat accordingly.
6. Meanwhile, heat up a pita in a toaster oven or regular oven at about 350F.
7. To make the sandwich, spread a heaping tablespoonful of yogurt within the pocket of the pita, add some cucumber and tomatoes, two of the patties, more yogurt + cucumber + tomato, and two more patties. Then, fress up!
8. Yeah, I suppose you could add more chopped onions to the sandwich, or feta cheese, or tzatziki, but why bother? This is the real deal, baby. Don’t fuck with a good thing.
Honestly, though, it has been ages since I had the real deal. Even if it’s not a decent imitation of a gyro, it’s still good fressing.
LIVE BLOGGING TONIGHT AT 7:30 PM PST,
earlier if I can make it. See you there.
D.
Sounds awesome but…dill? *bleecht* I’d use mint. Then it’d be perfect *smugface* *sticksouttongue*
Here (the Antipodes) they’re generally known as souvlaki or doner kebabs depending on the thickness of the meat shards. (Souvlaki is usually served in a rolled pita with chunks of meat. Doner kebabs may be served in a split or rolled pita with thinly sliced meat shards). Melbourne has a huge Greek and Middle Eastern population, so you can get both almost anywhere.
Ironically, perhaps, my local grease pit a block away sells both and is run by a horde of indistiguishable (from one another, at least to me)Vietnamese.
Those sound pretty tasty, although I’m not a big fan of lamb (and yes, I’ve had excellent lamb, according to Those Who Know These Things – still didn’t like it much). I’m thinking ground turkey would work with that seasoning, though …
I would substitute beef or pork for lamb. Guess I’ve never really been a fan of ground turkey!
The key, as with meatballs, is to incorporate something starchy (here, the pita bits) and moist (the juice from the onion & lemon) with the meat. That basic principle works every time.
Microsoar, I’m sure all you whities look the same to them, too 🙂
Lyvvie, I couldn’t find any mint, so I had to make do. Mint is more traditional, I think.
There’s a little place over by the Civic Center Bart in San Francisco run by some Greek folks that make gyros to die for. Fabulous.
Loved the dialogue btw. You crack me up.
Who you calling “whitie”, sah? Ah’m brown in spots(literally), boy!
But it’s not my dialog, CD! Admittedly, it’s the kind of thing I would write.
Microsoar: I’ll take your word for it. I don’t think our relationship has progressed to cavity searches yet 😉
This from a man who spends his life investigating the cavities of strangers.
True, true . . .
Yummi!!! But I simply must have the tzatziki on mine. Or at least on the side. With the cucumber strips and fresh dill- and drizzled with olive oil. I practically lived on tzatziki when I was in Greece many years ago.
And I dunno, but the lamb here is nothing like the lamb there. Alot of restaurants here in the US that serve Gyros, use a mixture of 50/50 ground beef and lamb. sxkitten might want to try that. It will tone down the strong flavor of the lamb, but leave enough to make the Gyro taste like a Gyro!
And all I can do is wonder what exactly one would find on a Donner kabob…
Donner, party of thirty? Sorry, twenty-nine? Twenty-eight?
Here for the food? Heck, I was here for male fantasy 4877. But I imagine that has something to do with food–ginger, for instance. Ow.
and I like that guy’s illustrations to go with the SoPHISticated foods. The spice on the cheese sticks, for instance. That’s a good internet find.
Kate: y’all are a bunch of ginger wimps. Don’t knock it till you try it.
ps: *shiver*. Your imagination surely plumbs the depths.
Thorne, I’ll try to remember to post the tzatziki recipe — it was a good one.
Can I indulge in a very petty food peeve? It’s not “with Au Jus”. I know restaurants – even Canadian restaurants, who really should know better – put that on the menu, but it’s Just Plain Wrong. Au = with. Au jus = with juice. With au jus = with with juice.
Oh, and it’s pronounced “oh”. Not “ah”, which would be à . If you really want to convert lesbians, pronunciation counts. Cunning linguists and all that.
This concludes today’s public service announcement. Thank you.
Au Jus?
Gesundheit.
Just for that, I’m going to totally mess with your recipe tonight – curried turkey burgers instead of savoury lamb, lettuce and peppers instead of cucumbers …
Take THAT, Hoffman!
Curried turkey burgers?
Julia Child is turning over in her grave.
It ain’t French, baby, but it’s goooooood! Ground turkey, curry powder (normally I make my own mix, but this was a quick fix), garam masala, garlic, ginger, lemon juice and pita. Served with lettuce, red peppers and tzatziki. Even FinickyBoy ate them, so they’re definitely going into the rotation.
Okay, I’m intrigued . . . but I would still be inclined to use something other than ground turkey. Why? No one here likes turkey.
Still, if FinickyBoy ate them, they must be awwwwesome.
I can’t remember where I got the recipe, but turkey works well because it’s not strongly flavoured so you get the full effect of the seasoning. Ground chicken would work, too – maybe pork – we all like turkey, so I haven’t experimented. Add diced onions, some garlic, curry & garam masala, a little fresh ginger, and grill away. I wasn’t sure originally about the tzatziki, but it was a most excellent accompaniment.