Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
World’s worst poem
I thought perhaps it was just Leslie Klinger, editor of The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes, Volume 1; but, no — About.Com thinks so, too. The world’s worst poem was penned by William Topaz McGonagall: “The Tay Bridge Disaster” (1890). You can read more about McGonagall here.
About.Com has the whole thing, but here’s the astonishingly bad ending:
It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
In our household, we like to say, “That’s not funny, that’s painful” (usually in response to one of my puns, but also useful for just about any Saturday Night Live skit since the mid-1980s). But McGonagall’s poem reeks in such a special way, I find myself wanting more.
World’s Worst Poetry: A Compilation of Rhyme Without Reason by Stephen Robins may be the ticket. Editorial Reviews has the following book description:
The world’s most odious odes, from Solyman Brown’s epic poem of 1833: “The Dentologia—A Poem on the Diseases of the Teeth†to James Henry Powell’s “Lines Written for a Friend on the Death of His Brother, Caused by a Railway Train Running Over Him Whilst He Was in a State of Inebriation.â€
240 pages of poetic disasters . . . but somehow it seems more appropriate to report the weight of such a thing (9.1 ounces) or the eerily appropriate publisher (Prion, which Wikipedia defines as “a type of infectious agent composed only of protein. They cause a number of diseases in a variety of animals, including BSE in cattle and CJD in humans. All known prion diseases affect the structure of the brain or other neural tissue, and all are untreatable and fatal.”)
But if you’re feeling budget-conscious, online resources abound. Find more McGonagall as well as other notable whiffies here, for example. Or get your fill of anonymous bad poetry at The Los Angeles Relaxorium. Revel in “Angst for Nothing,” which includes the stanza,
i am but a hemorrhoid on the rectum of the universe
prostate with pain
And if you want some truly homegrown stinkers, here they are.
We’re traveling tomorrow. Wish us luck!
D.
Have a safe trip!!
Do you know that on the 25th of January we celebrate our nations poet, Robert Burns with a special dinner, serving haggis, neeps and tatties and we drink whisky and recite the bards; poems. There is a particular routine to follow.
Now, we also recognise the nightmare that was McGonagall. But never wanting to let a good man go unnoticed, we also celebrate McGonagall, where you enact the Burns supper in reverse. And in summer.
Have a fabulous vacation!!!
Neeps? Turnips, perhaps? I figure tatties = potatoes.
Thanks, Lyvvie!
“For the stronger we our houses do build,”
Yoda?
Gives the Vogons a run for their money.
“but also useful for just about any Saturday Night Live skit since the mid-1980s”
No doubt about that one! And the poetry…my oh my…Probelm with such poetry is it does remain with you. It doesn’t roll off the tongue, it becomes a festering sore.