Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
SBD: Kissing impaired
First the news: I’ve made it to Round Three in the Samhain Contest. My entry is now #4 in the comment thread. This is the make-or-break line, in my opinion. If I don’t alienate my supporter(s) with this one, I might just make it to the finish line.
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“Kiss Me Goodnight,” from marco_n65
Last Thursday, Thorne commented that she would like me to write about:
Your first kiss. (The kiss by which all others have been judged; and found wanting)
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Over the weekend, I started re-editing my romance, and when I came to the first kiss, I thought Meh. I play the first and second kisses for laughs, and none of them ever rise to rock-my-world quality. I also recall many of my betas griping about my lack of time and attention to kissing. All seemed to agree that my writing is trapped in Freud’s Genital Stage.
Rather than get huffy and remind my betas of certain incontrovertible facts (well I AM a GUY, after all), I have been trying to figure this one out from first principles. First of all, I must acknowledge my own deficiencies. My first kiss was not too memorable, all due respect to gf v1.0. It was an end-of-first-date smack on the lips, nothing more. Back then, I recall realizing that holding hands and hugging were far more electrifying activities.
But Thorne further specified, “The kiss by which all others have been judged; and found wanting,” and there, too, I suck. The old gf and I did plenty of kissing, and so did my wife and I. You know, when you’re in that First and Second Base phase, you do a lot of kissing because there’s little else to do. And yet I don’t think I’ve ever rocked anyone’s world, nor has mine ever been rocked.
What to do, what to do. I googled “Best Romance Novel Kisses,” hoping someone had done my work for me, but no such luck. Next, I thought back to kisses in the various romance novels I’ve read. Anything spectacular?
Well, all I have handy is Jennifer Crusie’s Welcome to Temptation. First kiss, coming right up:
He was so close his lips were almost touching hers, and she knew he was going to kiss her. But then he whispered, “Satisfied,” and bit her lower lip, and the ache made her moan, and then he did kiss her, tasting her mouth as if she were candy, easing her down onto the dock as she clutched his shirt and arched into him, depraved and abandoned after all.
There’s more, of course. Kisses have to last at least three paragraphs, I’ve learned, and in Crusieland run-on sentences are de rigeur, because when you’re having a great kiss the last thing you want is a period. (Bad joke. Sorry.) More to the point, before this kiss ever happens, the hero and heroine have been fixated with the other’s lips. Point taken. In my romance, they’ve noticed each other’s lips, but that obsession really isn’t there. My heroine is much more obsessed with my hero’s package, obvious as it is in surgical scrubs. (It’s true, by the way, that wood-in-scrubs is a problem. Guys have to learn to trap their Johnson between their thighs, and God help you if the thing goes Sproing! when you’re presenting on rounds.)
Okay, Walnut, you’re a writer, you’re supposed to have an imagination. So what if you’ve never had an epiphanic kiss; you can dream one or two up, can’t you?
Still, I wish someone would publish a list of Rules for Earth-Shattering Kisses.
Hint, hint.
D.
There have been two big kisses in my life, and one was my first kiss with my first real boyfriend. I think I started it, and there was this funny little pain in my gut that wasn’t painful at all, but very nice. For the rest of the day, whenever I thought about that kiss, the pain would happen again.
The second was far more recent, and it was rather innocuous. A quick, unexpected peck on the lips done in full view of a roomful of people. But the thing about it was the significance of it – the fact that I thought about it for the rest of the night. And the fact that I hadn’t been kissed in a very long time.
my first kiss was a girl, one of my best friends, in a game of spin-the-bottle. so was my second, third, fourth…that was a great game.
i have yet to have an earth-shattering kiss, though. *sigh*.
yeah, i know, it’ll come, i’m young. but could it frikking hurry up already?
until then, i live vicariously through Crusie and Nora and all my other faves’ kisses. so write good ones. k?
noxcat, I’m intrigued by the “significance of it”. Makes me think there’s a story in this one.
Shaina — what, no guys there? And if there were, did any of them have to kiss each other?
I’ve experienced many wonderful slurpy kisses–I got one about ten minutes ago, in fact–but writing about kisses is weird, because it’s such a funky activity.
when you write kisses please DO NOT:
have tongues dueling
have tongues mating
I think Alison Kent wrote a funny thing about writing le kiss but damned if I can remember where I read it. And I’m not going to go look because I want more key lime pie.
PS Also, no tangling tongues.
YES!!!! Congrats on getting to round 3. I’m rooting for ya! GO, DOUG, GO!!!!
Kate: IIRC, no tangling, mating, fencing, jousting, bullying, arguing, gesticulating, or otherwise ambulating tongues.
Thanks, CD 🙂
I can’t remember any particularly “WOW!” kisses, I remember the guy who opened his mouth and presented me with a dead tongue – what you’re expecting a cleaning here? And the tongue wrestlers who had to pin mine for the count of three. Tongue jabbers who were chasing my dinner…You’re right, there should be a manual or something for these fellas to get to grips with the “How to be a successful Frenchie”, although I have read some teeth rubbing kisses which is kind of icky. OH, and I remember the guy whose tongue only went clockwise and because he had a slightly small mouth, bit me at the 3 o’clock point every time.
But I did have the mind blowing kisser, the guy who had the right mix of machismo, confidence and he smelled excellent. Had laughing eyes and oozed charm. Shame he was a total bastard but he could kiss!He was such a Daniel Cheever…
haha, yes, and YES. it was hilarious. and awkward. hehe.
Lyvvie: I understood you right up until Daniel Cheever. Must google . . .
Well THAT didn’t help. The president of Simmons College? Whaaaat?
shaina: write the story!
The first time Dean kissed me, it was pretty amazing, but I don’t think I could describe it in a way that would make sense to anyone who wasn’t involved.
sxk and Dean kissing: nice.
I shall blog about kissing soon. Until then, boobs for everyone at my place!
*smiles* Now there would be a good bit of prose…
I can only think that the men in my life have seemed to be delightful at kissing…and I regularly get earth shattering kisses…
And I can tell you that the secret is to put your whole heart and all your passion in the lightest wispy touch and deepen it just when their desire for that kiss inflames….and then teasingly pull back to create more yearning and room for a little shuddering before going in for a bit more…*grins… and sighs happily* Melts my butter every time.
Oh, Doug!!! Congrats on the Samhain Contest! I’ll have to stop by and check it out. Good continued luck!! Just FYI, the line, “The kiss by which all others have been judged; and found wanting,†is a quote (plagarism??) from Stephen King’s Hearts in Atlantis, (SK does young love so well!) and especially memorable when Sir Anthony Hopkins says it in the movie of the same title. It has a ring to it, don’t you think? You do, I know… hence this post.
You really must figure this kissing thing out if you’re to write a really good romance. It’s that first kiss description (sometimes following certain “looks” or gestures) that gets this reader goin’. I’m getting back to writing a bit beyond the blogging. I wanted to thank you for the inspiration. I’ll blog a couple of kisses soon. Get Balls to walk you through a couple of kisses. A lil role playing may help. Can she be butch?? (I know you can do femme!! LOL)
Erin: your blog is still stuck on boobies.
Greenwoman: welcome to my place! I understand what you mean. And, sadly, I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like that.
Thorne,
Sigh. Yet another woman who considers me one of the girls . . .