Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Too much fun!
Samhain’s contest is up and running. My entry is #29 #28 #26 (how did that happen?), and I must say, it’s the best so far. But then, I’m partial.
My second favorite is Christine D’Abo’s #23, but that’s only because she’s playing into one of my treasured fantasies.
Lots of dead people in these opening lines, and at least one werewolf. What is it with supernaturals? Are they hot right now?
Speaking of fantasies, check out the short story I wrote for Tiggr’s blog, A Spanking Good Time:
It’s erotica. Historical BDSM erotica, no less. And if it’s too perverse for you, blame Suisan. No, really. It’s all her fault.
D.
I entered the contest too, because Kate was being a noodge and not letting the issue rest.
And have you heard the Nick Cave pirate chanty “Fire Down Below“? Classic lines such as:
“She said to me, ‘You sailors are a bunch of fucking liars,
And all of you are bound to Hell to feed the fucking fires!’
Coz there’s fire down below.”
Just checked yours out, Carrie. I’ll see you at the finish line!
Interesting music, btw. I suspect I could get into it, provided I had enough rum in me.
Yeah, right. All my fault. Uh huh.
I din’t know that figging was all the rage in BDSM clubs, and I never thoght about it in terms of sexual gratification, I swear, but there sure are a LOT of practices in the equine show ring which are alarming. (It’s not called figging amongst horsie-folks, only gingering.)
But if you’re really into painful equid things, how about soaking your joints in mustard oil or diesel and then wrapping them in saran wrap for a few days? If you do this to your ankles, you can then put “rollers” (Chain bracelets) on your ankles which bang against the enflamed joints every time you take a step. If the wraps are left on long enough, you can even lose layers of skin in the process, but definitely hair.
Tennessee Walking Horse trainers have discovered that the use of “soring” along with “rollers” cause their horses to step higher and to snap their feet off the ground the moment contact is made.
Gingering just seems so mild in comparison that I think we moslty forget that it must be painful too. (What always amazes me about these horses is that they keep on going, even as the skin is coming off their ankles. Definition of “heart”, if you ask me.) Here’s a youtube of what this looks like: TWH show
Now, that’s just depressing (“soring”). But I would like to know where these BDSM clubs are . . . you know, so that I don’t accidentally enter one carrying a peeler and a few hands of fresh ginger.
Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring you down. I really enjoyed the story, but forgot to say so before I went off on that tangent.
******
Aren’t the BDSM clubs right next to the Satanic Ritual Abuse Clubs? You know, the ones that every one was sure existed in the 1980s? The ones that were abusing children and then wiping their memories?
(Did I ever tell you that I knew Alan Cabal, the founder of The Church of Satan? Or at least that he was at the circus at the same time I was, and I knew him well enough to talk about the weather and local gossip. Dear Butcher says that he has to track him down one of these days as DB owes him money.)
And what are you doing anyway, walking around with fresh ginger and a peeler? What happened to your Sony Treo, your iPod, and your MP3 player?
well done for finding a use for the ginger up the butt story you shared with us months ago! Obviously they never considered tying it up with floss first; poor Edmond.
Thanks for reading. S, yes, I think you did mention AC. Next thing, you’ll be telling me you played squash with Anton LaVey!
Note that I resisted making a joke containing the elements of Dear Butcher’s profession, Jeffrey Dahmer, and sausages.
Lyvvie, it has been exceedingly difficult getting ginger up the butt out of my head 😉
I’m likin’ 47 and 60 so far. I’m in at 136. And I loved Fire Down Below!!
86, 108 and 114 are grabbers, too!
Naturally I like Carrie’s and Doug’s. Duh.
I like 139 and I went over to 82’s blog because it made me LOL, Norly (that’s the latest interweb thing the boys tell me norly owls are It).
HEY, what’s with all the death? Sex and death and birth, I suppose. They’re the big Church-able events, am I right, religious people? Must be the big Kick Off the Novel with a Bang events too.
oh golly, am I red with embarrassment! it’s an ORLY owl.
And, yes, Doug, Paranormal is very big. Vamps, weres and whatnot. Oh. Boy.
Too much death (he said as he swooned, swatting his forehead with the back of his werewolfy hand).
Must be real hard to stand out in the paranormal crowd . . . I wonder how well a novel featuring my wendigo heroine would go over?
heh.
176 is also a good one. A Doug sort of fantasy if Doug were into boyz.
Even if I’m not into boyz, I can still recognize a great first line. I’ll put money that 176 makes it to the third round, at the very least.
Hi there Walnut! I stumbled upon your blog and saw you mentioned my entry. I’m so glad you enjoyed the line. I just wish the editors at Samhain had as well. 😉
Hi Christine! Welcome to my place. I’m sorry to hear that the editors are not as big a fan of cunnilingus as I am 🙁