Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
They’re heeeere
The Feds have landed. Got the call this morning.
“And who is going to answer the three dozen questions I had wanted answered prior to this inquisition?” I said to our hospital’s admin assistant. I’d been waiting for someone to call me to coach me on this.
“I’m sure you’ll do just fine, Dr. H.”
Whereupon I just about busted a nut. I’m tired of being told I’ll do just fine. When I read three pages of questions and answers and understand only about 20% of it, I’m not just fine. Alberto Gonzales-style responses might work if you’re best buds with the prezzy, but I ain’t. I don’t have big doofus friends in high places.
I’ll let you know how it goes. For now, all I can do is memorize what are, to me, meaningless answers to meaningless questions. It’s like Medical Statistics all over again.
***
From my 88-year-old male patient today, as I’m cleaning wax from his ears: “You gettin’ any?”
I had just pulled out a corn kernel-sized nugget. “You could say that.”
“No. I mean wax.”
***
And here’s a humongous welcome to the daughter of another waxy patient. You know who you are, you vixen you. (This woman knows my blog better than I do.)
She saw me in my leopard skin undies (on the blog!) and told me today, “My God, you are hot.” Then she called me a “jungle man.” And she said it in front of her husband.
Her mom gets angry at her everytime they come in. Thinks she’s embarrassing herself. Sweetie, if you’re gonna tell me I look hot in leopard skin undies, you go right on embarrassing yourself! This is Balls and Walnuts, fer cryin out loud. Abandon Shame All Ye Who Enter.
D.
Consider my shame (if I ever had any…) officially Abandoned.
The Grampy-panties? Or do you have 2 pairs of leopard skin undies? 🙂
You’ll do just fine, Dr. H. Drop and show ’em the Grampy..err I mean leaopard skin undies. That should field any questions the feds have..or had.
Grampy-panties? Grampy-panties? Nice to know you’re lurking around, Mo, ever ready to kill my buzz 😉
As for the meeting, it went something like this.
IU hate that picture I hate that picture that movie scared the bejeezus outta me as a kid. Oh that tree eating the wee boy and the maggot steak and the clawing off of the face and Holy Shit did you see the size of the hickey’s on the big sister’s neck?!?! Like huge purple leeches – they took on a life of their own.
I just had to explain to SassyFace about the movie (because she looked over my shoulder and said “what’s that picture for?” (“For entertainment and distraction darling,” which earned me a dissatisfied look along with one cocked eyebrow – they grow up so fast!) and she says “Can I see it?!” and I say “No way. Nope. Not until you’re twenty.”
Good luck with the Feds, but they probably are reading your blog so you should be nicer to them because they have a hard job to do *waves all friendly like to Feds* *runs away*
You know, I’ve never seen the movie! I’m allergic to Spielberg. He makes me break out in brain hives.
Oh it’s well worth the once through. I think a lot of his early stuff is pretty good. I like Jaws (but won’t watch it again, then again as I’m not swimming on Cape Cod I could try) and Close Encounters is great. As a kid I loved ET but I don’t like it as much as an adult. I liked Cocoon…no wait that wasn’t Spielburg that was Opie.
Spielburg gets it wrong on his sequels. I’ve not seen a good one since the 80’s mind. I think…must IMDB to be sure…You know, we don’t get half of this stuff in the UK, no wonder I’m not as sick of the man as you are. OH but you have to love Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain!
Jaws: big animal as symbol of evil was dumb even in Melville’s day. Feh.
Close Encounters: Was it a mountain of mud or mashed potatoes? Or both? Either way, DUMB. And boring, too, which is unforgivable for a science fiction.
The first Indiana Jones movie wasn’t bad. I liked seeing the Nazis’ faces melt.
See? I’m nothing if not opinionated.