Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
A new standard by which to measure infamy.
William S. Burroughs’s monologue memorialized the captain of a sinking ship who dressed as a woman to get prime seating on a life raft. As measures go, this one barely registers on the modern Richter Scale of infamy. Think about it: this week alone, we’ve seen George Bush perseverate over his war of vanity, Abu Gonzalez play the fool to shield the boss, John McCain jest about bombing Iran — and then defend himself rather than apologize, and a psychotic undergrad turn a college into a slaughterhouse. Here in the 21st Century, one cowardly captain warrants less than a footnote.
But for some reason, Alex Baldwin ripping into his 11-year-old daughter hit a special chord for me.
See, I know myself well enough to say with near certainty that if I were President, I wouldn’t murder thousands of US soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis just to line the pockets of my rich friends. If I were the Attorney General of the United States, I would regard it as a position of trust, and I would try my best not to disrespect that trust. If I were a presidential candidate, I wouldn’t joke about killing thousands of Iranians, and if I were a depressed college student, I sure as hell wouldn’t buy guns and bulletproof vests.
But I’ve yelled at my kid, and that’s why Alec Baldwin’s tirade gets under my skin. Is that how I sound?
I don’t give a damn that you’re 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do.
That’s one of the tamer quotes. Then it dawned on me: he doesn’t know if she’s 11 or 12? Whaaaa?
Nope. I’ve never ripped into Jake like Alec ripped into Ireland, his daughter. Alec, you are such a dick.
Wait, that’s not quite what I wanted to say. It was this:
Alec, thank you for being such a dick.
D.
I hope the judge keeps Alec away from his daughter for a good long time. He sounds like a lunatic. Who would leave a recorded message threatening a child like that? Oh yeah, right – Alec Baldwin.
Aw shit. I can only hope there is something out of context here, but it sure seems like one effed up situation.
When I caught my 12 year old in a series of lies that lasted 4 months, I got in this kids face like Andrew Dice Clay deciding to become a drill seargent. Pretty, nooooooooo. Effective? Yes and No.
No. Nothing would have helped this kid (overcome the issue) unless a guard was posted or the kid finally grew up and figured it out. They grew up… thakfully. The kid was creamed for lying… Kept his physical body and self esteem intact.
Yes, in so far as, the very easy going dad was finally shown to have some big, sharp teeth. Nice debates and discussions are always had, sometimes they win and sometimes they loose…but when the “tonal” changes start appearing – the kids know the argument is over.
I always expect the kids to push their boundries; but, as a parent, I am responsible for making sure they are safe, well taken care of, and can function in society – no matter they think.
As far as Mr. Baldwin’s kid, isn’t it sad that an 11 year old kid publically humiliated her father? Makes you wonder if that was planned. Makes you wonder if mom has been helping out.
Was Mr. Balwin out of control for a bit? Sure. Was I? Probably. If you have kids or a spouse or partner, did you ever loose it? Did our screwed up legal system make a rather smug self righteous call? Probably.
In the end, kids getting their asses chewed out has been going on since the beginning of time. Attitudinal Dysfunctionalities are some of the most pleasant problems to deal with. Sometimes these require special attention.
There is a lot we do not know. Any of these characters could be fatally flawed… And so are we. Let’s withhold the judgement, get out the popcorn and soda and see how this plays out.
Alex Baldwin is an idiot. His daughter won’t ever forget what he said.
Not the slightest doubt in his head that the world revolves round him – if the child doesn’t answer the phone it can only be to spite him – she couldn’t have forgotten, or been busy, or been sick.
He could run a masterclass in counter-productive parenting skills.
Lesson 1: What to do when your child won’t take your calls.
I would forgive him on the eleven to twelve thing: my own husband is amazingly hazy on the children’s ages, and I often have to stop and think. Not my fault – I just have it clear what age everyone is, then one of them insists on having a birthday, and I’m confused all over again.
IT Guy: first, welcome to the blog. Second, did you listen to the recording? It went on way too long to merit an attempt at understanding, in my opinion. I think Marianne’s right — Alec Baldwin sees himself at the center of his own little universe.
That said, SOMEONE leaked this to tmz.com. Kim Basinger? Or did Ireland leak it? If it wasn’t Ireland herself leaking the tape, how can you blame her for publicly humiliating him? And if it was Kim Basinger, then, yeah — she’s equally unfit. It’ll be interesting to find out who perpetrated this.
I’m afraid I’m not too sympathetic to the “withhold judgment” POV. There’s a phrase in law — res ipsa loquitur, the thing speaks for itself. Nothing justifies that bilious of a rant.
I think I read somewhere that Alec Baldwin’s outburst shouldn’t be taken out of context given the SHIT he’s had to put up with from his ex. That said, is there EVER an excuse to go off on a child like that? NO, but, we all reach our limits, we’re human. It happens.So, I.T. Guy, I know where you’re coming from. I firmly believe all people should take parenting classes before they are allowed to get a marriage license (whether their intention is to have kids or not).
This week, I kicked a kid out of class and used these cold, calculataed words as I was writing the referral, “get out.” As the kid left, I could hear him bitching as he walked out of the room and all the way down the outer hallway. I try everything I can before the proverbial straw breaks my back. As a sidebar, just remember…teachers reap the “benefits” of how a kid is raised.
Hey Sis. Okay, so let him rip into Kim Basinger. Adults are fair game. If she’s using Ireland as a pawn, he’s not helping matters by keeping Ireland front and center in the battle.
As for the classroom incident, I see nothing offensive about “Get out.”
“Attitudinal Dysfunctionalities are some of the most pleasant problems to deal with. Sometimes these require special attention.”
Special attention, yes. Name calling and threats, no. I quote Alec to his daughter “you are a rude thoughtless little pig.” And the threatens the child throughout the message. Hard not to judge from hearing that mess.
I have kid(s) I call every week. I am supposed to call them. They sometimes call back. Sometimes they don’t but they get their feelings hurt if I don’t call. They don’t necessarily even answer their phones when I call. They can see my number on their cells. They know it’s me. I LEAVE AN F’IN MESSAGE LIKE “I LOVE YOU AND I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU.” I hang up. How hard is that?
That’s my point; I can’t say anything more than GET OUT because I have 35 witnesses. That helps me tone down the language. Alec Baldwin didn’t have “a check system” helping him out. I am not defending what he did, just defending how it can happen. Parents who use their kids as pawns are pond scum.
I, too, feel as though since I don’t know the entire context I can’t really be a judge. I think any parent can relate to having moments when they feel they’ve reached their internal limit of patience: it’s what you do when you get to that point that’s the issue. Even though I can say about 99% of the time I’ve been able to keep my cool (barely, at times, but it counts), there has been that 1% where I know I’d be embarassed to have my behavior thrown back at me later.
And since this message was apparently on the child’s voice mail, obviously someone in that child’s inner circle made a decision to embarass Alec and release the message to the public. It’s a classic “two wrongs don’t make a right” situation, and I’d almost go so far as saying the adult who made the decision to release this to the public has the child’s interests at heart even less than Alec. I mean who, if they are really thinking about their child’s well-being, peace of mind, and self-esteem, would literally have the world know the details of things that are less-than-pleasant in the child’s life? At that age a child’s love for the parent is still unconditional unless some pretty strong forces are at work – thinking the world believes your dad is a bad person seems like a pretty strong force to me.
Divorce is crap, and brings out terrible behavior.
I can’t begin to imagine what Family Court must be like in Hollywood, with all of those egos flitting around.
Obviously, I don’t think that Alec should have yelled at his daughter and threatened to come down there and straighten her out. (For a day. And then leave again. As if THAT’s a threat. Because I’m not sticking around YOU to put up with YOUR behavior. I’ve had enough and I need to fly back across the country again. See what you made me do?)
My mother was a divorce lawyer for seventeen years. The stress was insane. Just insane. The clients, especially the ones with enough money to pay her rates after she became successful, were batshit crazy. And their chilren were only pawns to a larger game between the parents.
Remember, this custody battle between Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger has been going on for what, four years? Five? When the kid turns 13 she can pick out her own visitation anyway. After five years of this crap, you can be sure that neither parent cares a whit what’s in the best interest of that child. Otherwise they would have come to an agreement YEARS ago.
I pity the judge, and I hope that child has a guardian ad litem, and I hope the Court demands a thorough investigation of who gave that tape to TMZ. In the best of all worlds, both sides would have to engage in superivsed visitations and a professional therapist would have to be required to live with the primary caretaker.
I don’t think that’s going to happen.
But it does make me feel like a somewhat better parent, I’ll agree with you there, Doug.
I have one other comment here.
Alec Baldwin sounds Just Like My Brother in this tape. When I heard it on TV last night I was fairly stunned, and Dear Butcher came into the room thinking I was playing a voice mail from MY cell phone.
My bother goes off in this exact same way, and has his entire life. It has the same cadence and builds from “I’m really disapointed” to “I’m going to threaten your safety” in about the same time frame. I’m coming up on forty, and I can brush this off as the ravings of a loonie person. But listening to Alec Baldwin made me feel so very bad for my nephew who has to hear this same crap spew from his father’s lips a few times a week.
I wish I could rescue him.
My whole point. Thank God I never pull shit like that . . .
Although I suspect Jake might disagree.
Thanks, everyone 🙂
From the parent’s point of view: I’ve been there at that point of rage that my ability to filter what I say is severely compromised.
From the kid’s point of view: I’ve been on the receiving end of remarks from my father that I will never forget, nor forgive. Because of that, I really do try to filter what I say to my child.
From the pediatrician’s point of view: I see kids daily who learn to act as they’ve been treated, and that’s not always well.
I mostly feel sorry for Ireland. She’s embroiled in a huge mess, not necessarily all by her making. And *now* she has the entire scrutiny of the media focused on her & her family members. I would just hope that at some point in the future, she doesn’t take this to heart as the way to parent a child.