Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Can’t leave you on such a glum note.
I love Harper’s Magazine. Love it! Every issue makes me laugh, makes me think. Those effing ultra-tough crossword puzzles piss me off, but hey, that’s just one page. I can ignore it.
That Harper’s website has articles going back to June, 1850. Don’t know about you, but the idea of being able to view old issues back to 1850 blows me away. I’ve just been reading Aubrey De Vere’s “Adventure in a Turkish Harem.” Rather tame by 21st Century standards.
Oh — you’ll have to subscribe to Harper’s to view the old stuff, but it’s well worth it.
One of my favorite regular features is “Findings,” a compilation of scientific and biomedical discoveries reported in the preceding month. The May issue’s “Findings” yields this gem:
Genetic analysis of public lice suggested that the vermin jumped to humans from gorillas about 3.3 million years ago; since the lice do not have wings and cannot jump very far, a rather close encounter would have been necessary to facilitate the transfer.
And this gem.
Captive female koalas frequently engage in lesbian orgies, possibly as a result of some hormonal imbalance, or to attract males, or to relieve stress.
Now I know what I want to be post-reincarnation.
D.
You want to be a pubic louse?
Um… were there even gorillas 3.3 million years ago? Were there humans? Certainly not in the modern sense, there weren’t.
So are public lice related to pubic lice?
And like Dean, I was thinking we were probably a lot hairier 3.3 million years ago, and maybe gorillas were better looking than the guy at the next water hole ;o)
I’m with jona. Sensitive, thoughtful gorilla versus self-absorbed, mouth-breathing cave dweller? Easy choice 🙂
Not that I’m saying all gorillas were sensitive and thoughtful, nor all cave dwellers self-absorbed mouth-breathers, but if that’s your choice at closing time, well …
Oops. PUBIC. PEEEUW. BIC.
IIRC, Lucy (Australopithecus afarensis) dates back 4 million years. At 3.3 My, I’m not sure if we were genus Australopithecus or genus Homo. Yeah, I should know this stuff — it’s a pet interest, but I haven’t read up on it in a long, long while.
You’d better hope you’re captive, then. Otherwise, it’s just endless years of whatever passes for the koala missionary position, trying not to fall out of your eucalyptus.
Me, I’m holding out for being a Bonobo. Wild, captive – it’s all good. At least as far as the sex goes. I could do without being hunted for bushmeat, or having electrodes stuck into my brain…
Bonobo would be cool, too. Then I could say to my mate, “Get over here, you little monkey,” and she’d say, “APE, damn it, how many times do I have to keep telling you?”
I keep going over to IMDb, hoping to find a good Planet of the Apes quote, but the best one might be taken the wrong way… Ah, the hell with it:
George Taylor: Doctor, I’d like to kiss you goodbye.
Dr. Zira: All right, but you’re so damned ugly.
Nuthin’ personal, Doug… 😉
No offense taken, PS. I’d MUCH rather be the ape than Charlton Heston.
Lovin’ the giggles. Needed um, too. Thanks, Doug (and Co.)
Yeah I can’t belive I’m the tenth commenter and nobody has yet complimented you on your pre-re-incarnation furriness.
And yeah, furry beats Charleton Heston every time.
yup I’m getting ready for my bonobo life, babe . . .