Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Thirteen venereal diseases
Corn Dog asked for a medical quiz thirteen, and since I’ve had sex on the brain recently . . . well, do we really need an explanation for a VD Thirteen? Here we go!
Let’s begin with a toughie. (Throughout this quiz, be warned: image links may be distressing!)
1. Granuloma inguinale (image), also known as Donovanosis, is not uncommon in Third World countries. Painless nodules, ulcers, or plaques form on the genitals. Readily treated by medication, granuloma inguinale is caused by
(A) Streptococcus pyogenes
(B) Klebsiella granulomatis
(C) A virus from the Coronavirus family
(D) A trichomonal parasite
(E) Close contact with Ann Coulter
2. A horny young couple got naked and nasty at a public park in southern Texas. A few weeks later, they both developed some itchy-narsty (yes, that’s the medical term) lesions in their groin.
Name that critter.
(A) Dickus cheneyii, the red neck louse
(B) Sarcoptes scabiei, the scabies mite
(C) Phthirias pubis, the pubic louse
(D) Molluscum contagiosum
(E) The arthropod vector for Brucellosis
3. Morbus gallicus, the “French disease”
(A) is characterized by a deathly fear of victory
(B) is oral candidiasis (yeast infection) due to oral-genital contact
(C) is caused by a spirochete
(D) can be cured by acyclovir
(E) was described (under another name) as one particular unclean condition in the Book of Leviticus
4. Molluscum contagiosum (image)
(A) is caused by a pox virus
(B) responds promptly to penicillin
(C) is not a sexually transmitted disease
(D) is responsible for the myth that masturbation makes hair grow on your palms
(E) kept me from getting laid in high school
5. In Henrik Ibsen’s play Ghosts, the main character suffers from a sexually transmitted disease passed to him by a parent. That disease is
(A) Gonorrhea
(B) Syphilis
(C) Herpes simplex
(D) HIV
(E) Human papilloma virus (HPV)
6. Oral-anal contact can result in the spread of all but one of the following:
(A) Hepatitis A
(B) Intestinal parasites
(C) Pathogenic E. coli
(D) Hepatitis C
(E) Canis rhinitis (“dog nose disease”)
But don’t let that slow you down.
7. The image below depicts which virus?
(A) HIV
(B) Human papilloma virus (genital warts)
(C) Hepatitis C
(D) Herpes virus
(E) MCV, the molluscum contagiousum virus
8. The most common preventable cause of blindness in the world is
(A) male masturbation with ejaculation into the eye
(B) gonococcal iritis
(C) syphilitic retinopathy
(D) chlamydial conjunctivitis
(E) HIV-related sarcomas of the eye
9. Utah philanthropist John Huntsman Sr. recently donated 1 million dollars to
(A) fund HPV vaccines for uninsured women, something Utah lawmakers refused to do
(B) Clone Joseph Smith, Jr.
(C) provide free HIV testing to Salt Lake City’s inner city youth
(D) create seed money to stimulate research in the treatment of sterility due to gonorrhea
(E) pay for condoms for minors who pass through Utah’s juvenile detention facilities
10. Arsphenamine is
(A) a diet drug taken as an anal suppository
(B) the first effective drug developed to treat gonorrhea
(C) the first effective drug developed to treat syphilis
(D) an aminopenicillin (“expanded” coverage to address some drug-resistant bacterial strains)
(E) an important part of a balanced breakfast
11. Name that protozoan (click image for larger view):
(A) Trichomonas vaginalis, which causes trichomoniasis
(B) Giardia lamblia, a diarrhea-causing intestinal protozoan transmitted through oral-anal contact
(C) Chilomonas, a cryptomonad flagellate acquired by vaginal masturbation with unwashed produce
(D) Chaos diffluens, an amoeboid protozoan which causes genital ulcers
(E) Apicomplexa, the protozoan which causes babesiosis
12. Chancroid (NARSTY image), an STD in which a painful ulcer appears on the genitals, is treated by
(A) topical application of arsenic chloride
(B) oral antibiotics
(C) liver dialysis
(D) curettage and cautery
(E) amputation to prevent spread of what is, essentially, an untreatable necrotizing infection
13. Possible explanations for the term “the clap” include all but one of the following (source, Wikipedia, and no fair peeking):
(A) in the old German, Klappe referred to a cuckolded husband.
(B) it comes from an 18th Century tradition, whereby women known to have “the clap” would be publicly outed while a line of people clapped.
(C) it derives from the old French word “clapier,” meaning “brothel.”
(D) it derives from a notorious 18th Century brothel keeper, Margaret Clap.
(E) it refers to the painful stinging sensation in the urethra, likened to the sting of clapping hands forcefully.
I’ll provide the answers later, in the comments below.
You know what to do . . . gimme some comments and I’ll give you some linky love.
microsoar has issues with Pizza Hut (so do I, microsoar . . . so do I)
Corn Dog completes her cruise saga (but read the whole thing)
May, who apparently has a thing about looking at diseased genitalia, has no such compunctions about serial killers
Lyvvie has a way cool Thursday Thirteen: thirteen odd faces (from Flickr)
Matthew’s selling a book
Kris thanks her trainer for giving her a weasel-worthy bod
Kate’s got Twinkies (better than herpes!) and cheesecake, too
Shaina dishes on Passover. Thirteen Passover facts, and she didn’t even find the afikomen!
D.
1. Donovanosis: my parents had that. Caused by too much “Sunshine superman”
2. Critter digusting, but itching is grass rash.
3. French disease is caused by eating too much from the pastisserie.
4. Molluscum contagiosum means you are infected with rampaging bivalves.
5. The sexually transmitted disease you get from a parent is called “life”.
6. Oral-anal contact can result in … liberal use of mouthwash.
7. That’s Infostealer.Phax isn’t it? Friends don’t let friends use Outlook.
8. The most common preventable cause of blindness in the world is running with scissors.
9. No fair, how can I be a smartarse with this one? (Can we donate money to NOT clone Smith?)
10. Arsphenamine-in-the-marsh: a small town just out of titicillin-on-sea.
11. I’ll name it Gordon. Or Fiona. Depending.
12. (views pic) ARRRGHHH: Too traumatised, crosses legs, must-eat-hot-cross-buns ….. Ahh… That’s better
13. It’s just a form of applause for a job well, or in this case, too indiscriminately done.
Drat, this needs some editing but my office browser is effing up, won’t let me futz.
Good ones, Microsaur!
Whoa!!! And another great quiz! So many bunged up penises though! Hey the trichomona with the multi-flagellate tail in number 11) won’t enlarge from the thumbnail. The link is broken with a 404. I have no idea what #7 is.
No 8: Take 2
A good way to prevent blindness is not to be Larry. Or Curly. But mostly it’s OK to be Moe.
Except that it’s not.
I refuse to look.
‘Nuff said.
And here are the correct responses. Not necessarily the funniest responses, but the CORRECT ones. But if you want to be like microsaur and make sh!t up, you go right ahead.
1. B is definitely correct. E may also be correct, but I don’t intend to get close enough to find out.
2. B again. Although I think Dick Cheney deserves to have several parasites after him, don’t you?
3. C. The French disease is syphilis, which is caused by a spirochete, Treponema pallidum.
4. A.
5. B.
6. E. Dog nose disease. I crack myself up sometimes.
Crack. I really crack myself up sometimes!
7. A.
8. A. Hah! April Fools. The correct answer is D, and the name of chlamydial blindness is trachoma.
9. A. The man is a mensch.
10. C. The trade name was Salvarsan.
11. A, but Giardia is a cutie, too.
12. B. (If you answered A . . . YOU put arsenic on your nethers.)
13. A. The others are considered viable hypotheses.
How did you guys do?
I think I only got 3. Tough quiz.
Rats. I hope you at least had some fun 🙂
Well I only got 6 right. Tough quiz. Fun, but tough.
I guess I just don’t see enough of this stuff in Pediatrics to keep current. Although, I am getting quite the education here!
I’ve been lucking for a couple of weeks & just enjoying the heck out of this blog! Don’t suppose I can finagle some sort of CME out of time spent reading? Nah, then you’d either have to charge me exorbinant rates or change your style and be excrutiatingly boring….
Hey, Kid Doc! Welcome to the blog. You ought to consider starting one of your own — anonymous doc blogs make for enjoyable reading (at least to other docs).
Stick around. I’ve been kvetching a lot about medicine lately.
Very educational, and helps me feel a lot happier about my choice not to go into medicine. And now I wonder who would ever want to be a urologist?!
Microsaur said…
“5. The sexually transmitted disease you get from a parent is called “lifeâ€.”…and made me laugh. A lot.
In my search to discover “What do you call a pee pee doctor, again?” I found this article. Yowza – now that’ll give you shivers and nightmares forEVER. (the “related items” are also rather amusing. There’s a penis in the lost and found.)
Have a nice weekend.
Lyvvie said:
What are you laughing for? Everyone’s got it. And it has a 100% fatality rate.
And it’s Microsoar, dammit! SOAR! SOAR!
Life has a 100% fatality rate? Really? Well that’s great. Just great. As if I needed this!
You mean, not like a little-titchy dinosaur, but a little-titchy airplane? Ok.
I do apologise.
Do you have little-titchy soldiers who jump out with plastic micro parachutes…?
I make it a habit to laugh at death. I tease the tigers, taunt the bear and run with scissors. And all with new running shoes. Optimists – a new breed.
Oh, ew.
Ew, ew, ew.
You realize that posts like these make me want to stay single and celibate forever. Yuck.
But then of course, there’s the missing of the good parts about sex…
*sigh* What a dilemma… 😀
Lyvvie, Microsoar, stop duking it out.
Matthew, go sell a few books.
And Kris, nothing’s worth staying single and celibate forever, not even molluscum contagiosum.
I only got the scabies right. I’ve decided that’s a good sign about my personal life.
i actually got a thirteen done! aren’t you proud? linkkkkk me!
i mean, sure, it’s friday. but still.
uhm, you spelled my name wrong. wtf?
Didn’t want microsoar to feel singled out, I guess.
It’s fixed 😉