Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
SBD: Too stupid to live!
For a change, I have some real, honest to Gaaaaah bitchery for today’s Smart Bitches Day post. To wit: Maddie Faraday, heroine of Jennifer Crusie’s Tell Me Lies, is too stupid to live.
I don’t often bail out on a book when I’m past the 100 page mark. I really don’t usually bail on mysteries, no matter how far I am into the book. But in Tell Me Lies, I made it past page 200 and THEN bailed.
I don’t care who done it. As far as I’m concerned, Maddie deserves to get framed with the murder of her cheating, embezzling husband Brent. She has done nothing to earn the love and protection of stock-hunky-hero C.L.; she hasn’t even earned the love of the Requisite Crusie So-Ugly-Is-It-Even-a-Dog?® dog, Phoebe. She definitely doesn’t deserve to retain custody of her lovely daughter Em. The woman will be the death of that child. There should be a special Darwin Award for people who take not only themselves but their children out of the gene pool.
I mean — seriously. Hiding the murder weapon in a Spam casserole? Why is she even touching the murder weapon any more than she has to? And the crap she does with the embezzled money. Why, why, why? Why, if not to further the plot?
And that’s the real bitch of this novel. If Maddie’s gonna get set up, let the murderer set her up. She shouldn’t set herself up. She especially shouldn’t set herself up since she knows she’s the number one suspect!
Soon after Maddie stashed the gun and the money, I closed the book in disgust. Enough already. I admit I’m tempted to flash to the end, but only if it’s to read about Maddie cleaning the Women’s Prison toilets with a bristleless toothbrush; to see her visited by C.L. with a new girlfriend it tow (“Sorry, Maddie, but she was there, and you weren’t. Have a good life”); and to watch as her daughter is raised by Maddie’s evil in-laws, who will lie to the girl and tell her that her mother died in an attempted prison break.
Yeah, sure, I’m cruel. I’m a bastard, in fact. But I wasted over 200 pages of my reading life on that book and I want ’em back.
Oh — forgot to say it. Better late than never.
Spoilers!
D.
Exactly! And that is why Tell Me Lies is my least favorite Crusie…well, next to least, because I hated Fast Women.
Except I didn’t discard the book at that point, I just rolled my eyes and kept reading. There is another HUGE thing at the end that didn’t work for me and pushed this one into the not for me category.
I didn’t mind Fast Women, although it’s certainly less memorable than, say, Bet Me.
My billing gal (who loaned me Tell Me Lies) just told me who dunnit. Jeez! Talk about not playing fair.
Isn’t there anything in the Crusie to make it worthwhile? There’s always some line or a bit of description or SOMETHING.
I guess I’ll just have to get a copy and find it for myself.
I just read a book I lurved. I’d say that I did a SBD about it but that would be such a lie. I forgot to add the author’s name. Carla Kelly.
I’ll agree that this was the weakest Crusie 🙁 Still, I managed to hang in ’til the end. Yes, Maddie is TSTL, but I loved CL.
The second time I read it, I realized that many of the things I disliked about Maddie were things I disliked in myself, especially the tendency to bury my head and pretend things were going to get better or go away on their own.
I loved the nutty grandma, though. And the way CL takes care of stupid Maddie feeds all of my rescue fantasies.
So, Kate, I’d say there are worthwhile bits.
Renee’s correct. CL’s a good guy, and if I imagine Maddie to be irresistibly luscious, I can understand his devotion to her. God knows this woman NEEDS a CL in her life.
But Renee, I have to disagree — this isn’t the weakest Crusie, IMO. Faking It takes that prize. I couldn’t get past the second chapter. I didn’t like a single character and I couldn’t keep them straight in my head.
Did you flip the book off? Did you stand on it? Did you leave it in the middle of the floor and give it a kick everytime you walked past it? Did you give it the “I’m very disappointed in you” face at every opportunity? Did you leave it in the bathroom to suffer the afters from a number two?
I got a book from you!! I forget why, but WOW thanks!! I got a book! It’s all purty and nice and I can flip it open to any page and get edjumacated! I loves it! Thank you!
Did you leave it in the bathroom to suffer the afters from a number two?
You’re right. I guess I’m not as much a bastard as I thought.
Is the book Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? Because if it’s not, then some OTHER walnut is sending you books 🙂
It was that one!! And my Husband got mildly suspicious when he read the title. I love that he gets worried.
I have issues with books that disappoint.