Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Walken in 2008
Yippee! It’s more than a Technorati rumor. It’s true: Christopher Walken will run for president in 2008. Let’s examine his credentials, shall we?
But first, some background on how America chooses its leaders. Ronald Reagan rose to the highest post in the land thanks to the fact he looked so good playing opposite a chimp. Arnold Schwarzenegger did about as good as a non-native born citizen can do because he showed his naked tush in Terminator. Fred Grandy played Gopher on the Love Boat. How can you not vote for a guy named Gopher? Sonny Bono used to be married to Cher. How can you not vote for a guy bright enough to divorce Cher?
The list goes on and on. Fred Thompson parlayed a Hollywood acting career into a Senate seat. He then parlayed an acting career in the Senate into an even bigger role, D.A. on monster hit Law and Order. Next pole vault, the Oval Office, but Fred hasn’t announced yet.
Don’t forget Sheila Kuehl (from Dobie Gillis) and Clint Eastwood (who debuted as the uncredited ‘lab assistant’ in the 1955 chick flick, Revenge of the Creature). And don’t ignore Bill Clinton, best known as the Cigar Smoker in Devil in a Blue Dress, and Dubya, who is such a fine actor no one seems to realize he isn’t a Texan.
Back to Christopher Walken. I love this guy. I really do. And I’m not being sarcastic, either. Wherever and whenever he shows up, he’s riveting. He played Diane Keaton’s suicidal brother in Annie Hall, and a nut job in Deer Hunter. See? Already, he has a more credible military record than Dubya.
My all time favorite Christopher Walken role: not Max Shreck in Batman Returns, but the Angel Gabriel in The Prophecy and its sequels. If you haven’t seen this movie, see it. The Prophecy has a screenplay to die for. Two great quotes, which I’ve borrowed from IMDB:
I’m an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now till kingdom come… the only thing you can count on… in your existence… is never understanding why.
Catherine: Go to Hell!
Gabriel: Heaven. Only Heaven. At least get the zip code right.
Catherine: It’s all the same to you, isn’t it?
Gabriel: No. In Heaven, we believe in love.
Catherine: What do you love, Gabriel?
Gabriel: Cracking your skull.
And if that exchange doesn’t get your vote, nothing will.Disclaimer: over at the Huffington Post, they’re still trying to figure out if this is a hoax.
D.
It’s a hoax, a very elaborate one, and I’m not going to say who. But suffice it to say that there are only a few sites on the Internet with the mentality and the masses needed to make it work.
apropos of nothing, the luxurious outting comment at Smart Bitches tipped the scales: I’ve decided I want to have your children. I’m sure your spouse and mine will understand.
Wonderful! I’ve always wanted to be polygamous. If only we can get my spouse to understand.
You realize, of course, that these children will be weensy, hairy hobbits, don’t you?
Spookily enough, last night on Space (which is Canada’s answer to the Sci Fi Channel), they played the 1983 movie The Dead Zone, with Mr. Walken as Johnny Smith. I didn’t watch it, though, since Toronto’s CityTV was playing one of my favourite movies, Grosse Pointe Blank. Love the banter, especially in the kitchen shootout scene.
Maybe John Cusack will run for president…
Grosse Point Blank: another movie with a screenplay to die for. Here’s Debi:
“Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?”
Youch, I love that movie.
Oops! Guess I should clarify — that’s Debi in the movie GPB, not the Debi who visits here ;o)
By the way, Debi (if you’re out there today), I hope you’re not feeling hurt that I excluded you from the club of Women Who Like Disgustingly Dirty Jokes. Since I wasn’t sure you belonged, I thought it best to leave you out ;o)
I wasn’t, but now you’ve made me think, you think I’m a prude!
Does this mean you’re running a dirty joke club I’m being left out of?
Debi — a prude? I wouldn’t go that far. But I know I can’t offend Maureen or Gabriele ;o)
I’m totally offended. I’ve been laughing while you examine and report on your own crotch for ages, and you’ve never once imagined what our children would look like.
Hmm. How to extricate myself.
Maureen, they would naturally be tall, dashing mesomorphs with blue eyes, beautiful teeth, and 4.0 GPAs. All because of your superb dominant genes.
How’s that?
Oh now you’re just sucking up.
Doug – some information for you. Someone posted the words “tantric sex” on my blog and my counter went nutty.
Okay, Maureen: look for a tantric sex post real soon.
I think Chris Walken will make a very scary president. And instead of “Hail to the Chief,” they can play “Weapon of Choice” by Fat Boy Slim.