Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Ann Coulter, laugh riot
Last night’s South Park episode had something to do with white people who (accidentally or not) blurt out the N-word, but the satire was unfocused, almost as if Parker and Stone couldn’t figure out how they felt about the issue. But a similar drama is playing out in real life, with the current flap over Ann “Faggot” Coulter. Life has beaten art to the point, friends, and beaten it to a pulp. How can Parker and Stone compete with this?
If you are familiar with Cpl. Matt Sanchez, you probably know him as the handsome 36-year old Columbia University junior and USMC reservist who recently made the rounds of right-wing talk shows like O’Reilly Factor and Hannity & Colmes, where he received praise for coming forward and complaining about his treatment at the hands of Columbia’s “radical anti-military students” who called him names and mocked his military service. Sanchez was then feted at the CPAC conference where Ann Coulter made her “faggot” remark. Sanchez wrote an op-ed piece on the Columbia experience for the NY Post and began a blog and MySpace page chronicling his media exposure.
Now, if you’re like me, you might think, “Hmm, 36 years old and he’s a junior in college and only a corporal in the Marines?” Odd, but not totally implausible. But Sanchez’ face tinkled a few gay bells out there in fairyland, and last night I began to get emails letting me know that his rather late appearance on the Ivy League scene was because Sanchez has had a lengthy career in gay porn, working under the names Rod Majors (NSFW) and Pierre LaBranche, starring in such art films as Jawbreaker, Donkey Dick, and Glory Holes Of Fame 3, where his “11-inch uncut monster cock” earned him a devoted following.
Now, porn stars are entitled to enter the miliary, although Sanchez obviously had to do it on the downlow. Porn stars are entitled to have a right-wing ideology, even though the very people he supports would love to see gay porn stars strung up by the nuts. (Wait, have I seen that movie?) But, Oh.The.Irony. of Sanchez appearing with Bill O’Reilly who only a couple of days went apoplectic over San Francisco’s “Colt Studio Day.” And OH, the irony of Ann “Faggot” Coulter happily posing with Sanchez for a photo-op. The right-wing has gobbled this porn hunk up with a spoon, never knowing that tons of men have gobbled up his monster cock ON FILM. I love it, I love it, I love it.
The rest of Joe’s post is every bit as delicious. Read it. And while you’re at it, Andrew Sullivan’s column in The Atlantic does a fair job skewering Coulter, too. As for me, I would rather take the low road. Remember this?
Will I eke out a Thirteen today? I hope so. Stay tuned.
D.
Hello.
I opened up the associated Rod Majors link here at the Erin O’Brien Owner’s Manual for Human Beings and did find myself in an unsafe condition.
To use an old-fashioned phrase about Ann Coulter – ‘that woman is no lady’.
Coulter’s not as interesting as the gay marine.
She’s a selfpromoting ho’ and no mo’
I wonder how Sanchez gets through the day without his brain exploding because of all the conflicting forces at work in there. Heck, I wonder how ANY gay republican manages it.
Oh, right. Sanchez isn’t really gay he says. He’s married and that proves it. He’s put all the movies and gay-escorting behind him. [No, actually he didn’t even have to do that because he was a TOP, dude.] Maybe he’s just like Coulter. Going with whatever gets him noticed and admired.
It’s tempting to dismiss Anne as a harmless crank, but her brand of “satire” has a huge audience. However, the rich and tasty freak show that is attendant to Cpl. Sanchez is ripe for ridicule and I’m enjoying his malignant narcissism, liberally sprinkled with cognitive dissonance. Gay-for-pay is the new hotness.