Balls and Walnuts
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Thirteen things about Keith Olbermann
You can thank Balls for today’s Thirteen theme. I had wanted to write a quick “intro to KO” post for my Canadian and European readers, but Karen thought a Thirteen would be more fun. As for “Thirteen Things I Learned at My Sleep Disorders Meeting,” come back next week — it should be interesting.
1. KO is Teh Newsman. Every evening, at the conclusion of his news show Countdown on MSNBC, KO signs out with Edward R. Murrow‘s famous phrase, “Good night and good luck.” With any other TV newsman, this would be the heighth of arrogance, but not with Keith. Reminiscent of Murrow — who publicly took on Senator Joseph McCarthy when no one else had the guts — Keith Olbermann has repeatedly challenged the Bush Administration, even back when it was unpopular to do so. And the man does not mince words. His Special Comments are legendary. If you’ve never watched one, start here: Special Comment about ‘Sacrifice.’
2. While CNN’s Anderson Cooper travels to the Amazon to “brave” the dreaded Goliath Bird-eating Tarantula, Keith gets the job done. Last night’s stories: the Scooter Libby trial (will he or won’t he flip on Cheney? Will Bush pardon him?), the Justice Department’s revelation that it has been inflating its terrorism statistics, and the Coalition of the Willing’s flight from Iraq, led by England. Yes, KO’s producers make him cover the latest schlock about Britney Spears and Anna Nicole Smith, but he relegates that to the end of the show.
Meanwhile, Anderson Cooper screams like a girl over a big, hairy spider. (Um, we don’t know that for a fact. The show hasn’t aired yet.) Remember to wear clean undies to your date, Coop!
3. He’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong. According to KO’s Wikipedia entry, Keith left ESPN in 1997 under something of a cloud. But in 2002, he published an article in Salon
entitled “Mea Culpa” in which he conceded that his own insecurities and neurotic behavior had led to many of his problems at work.
On his regular feature “The Worst Person in the World,” KO once listed himself (this was after he and others in the media mistakenly labeled the British citizen slain by police as a terrorist — not long after, we learned the man was innocent). Yup, the man has spine. He even has an extra lumbar vertebra.
4. Keith Olbermann has this thing about Bill O’Reilly. Despise is too soft a word.
5. Many women want to be carnal with him . . . presumably not because he’s a premium dancer. But, who knows? Maybe he is a premium dancer.
Da Nator may only consider him an “alternate sperm donor,” but others are less restrained. Here’s Blue Gal:
Yeah, liberal gal bloggers, the line forms right behind me. I’ve offered him my ovaries many times in this space, all to no avail. Major points for exposing Bill O’Reilly as the major pissant he is, for being a voice of sanity while making us laugh, too. Those lips tell the truth, and are extremely kissable.
And here’s Cintra:
That man is the future of broadcast journalism, with the power to fly straight into the sun and back out again! Keith! Oh unmeasurable delight!
6. No one sticks it to George W. Bush like Keith.
7. He wrote a damn book. Buy it. Read it.
8. In that book, Olbermann lists as his chief influences comics Bob and Ray, and George Carlin.
9. The man has a wonderfully snarky sense of humor. The challenge lies in finding just one example. From his book,
But the winner is . . .
Eric Fleming of Smithsburg, Maryland. Now this is awarded with some reluctance because he is the victim of a big-scale crime. He’s out $75,000. Somebody stole his 70-pound tank full of bull semen.
That’s right, another report of bull-semen rustling.
So why are we blaming the victim? Because of the message Mr. Fleming posted on his Web site after the theft: “I will give a nice fat reward for any information on semen that was stolen from my tank today. It was a mother load of semen.”
Thanks for sharing that.
10. He is not without his detractors. From the “Media Research Center,”
Sneering at conservatives may make Olbermann popular among left-wing bloggers, but his bias makes him the obvious choice for “Worst Anchorman in the World.”
. . . or else those conservatives deserve to be sneered at: Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, etc. You decide.
11. He landed the Countdown gig after doing three one-hour fill-in spots:
“Four years ago last week, I went back to Secaucus to do three fill-in shows,” Olbermann said. “Not three programs, not three series, but three individual hours of television and the next thing I know I’m in here for eight years. So you can never make plans. You never know how it’s going to turn out, but it’s turned out extraordinarily well.”
12. He has a girlfriend. On the blog “Either Relevant or True: Keeping Tabs on Keith Olbermann,” Becky writes,
Q: What about Keith Olbermann’s girlfriend?
A: What about her? He has a girlfriend. Her name is Katy. She’s 20+ years younger than him. She’s from LA. They share an apartment. Anything beyond that is none of your damn business.Q: Is Keith Olbermann Gay?
A: Since he has a live-in girlfriend, I doubt it.
13. He’s gonna be around a long, long time. MSNBC just extended his contract by another four years. And that’s not all:
In addition to his nightly newscast — which counts down the day’s top political and entertainment stories with Olbermman’s signature wit — the MSNBC host will contribute occasional “essays†to the “Nightly News with Brian Williams” and host two “Countdown” specials a year on NBC.
Go Keith!
***
You know what to do. Comment below, and I’ll give ya some linky lurve. Not to worry — I don’t have cooties.
May likes fine nibs. Question is, does she prefer nibs on her earlobes or nibs on the side of her neck?
Dean’s trials in Revision Land
Sam weighs in on Scrotumology
Becky quotes an interesting bit of Olbermannalia
Cintra has advice for Prince Harry
Yes, Carrie, you should be scared
Kate’s thirteen unconscionable plots
Blue Gal gets busy with another smackdown
noxcat: neat concept but the link is broken (edible Battlestar Galactica fleet!)
. . . and some random pimpage . . .
Take the Nerdy Challenge at SxKitten’s place
D.
I’m not sure about the cooties, but what the heck. Life is short.
My TT’s up!
I have no Thursday post, but I’ve just reached #4.
I don’t think that ‘despise’ is too strong a word for my opinion of O’Reilly, either. His sleaze, his smarm, his shameless pandering all make me want to drive my fist into his face. Not that I’d ever do it, of course. Reasoned discourse is always the best antidote to the O’Reillys and Limbaughs of the world.
As Olbermann demonstrates.
I’m sure that O’Reilly has no soul. He sold it to some supernatural entity in return for his Fox news spot. If he did have one, he’d have quit Fox after Olbermann’s piece and retired to the desert where he’d live in a cave, grow a beard, and live off donations while he contemplated the depth of his sins, which are many and only the trivial ones involve loofah.
Won’t happen, but thank God there are people like Olbermann.
I pray that Olbermann’s savage (and entirely accurate) evisceration winds up on O’Reilly’s obituary whenever that sad day comes.
OhhhhKay.
Hmmm. I feel so sheltered over here in France.
Y’know, “keith olbermann girlfriend” is always our highest ranked search string. That line Bluegal believes she’s in the front of (sorry doll, I was here first) must be mighty mighty long!
Thanks for the link up!
Hey, did you know that two anagrams for “Keith Olbermann” are
“Th’ Noble Amerikan” and “Mink Bone Lather?”
…coincidence?
Oh, but that Malmedy piece was like eating a whole chocolate cake by myself. Just precious.
Okay, okay, I’ll put the book on my list. Seeing as how I don’t get MSNBC over here.
I got the book for my kids and they were delighted to see a neighbor in there–the worst guy who whined about a Mr. Softee truck. (we don’t know him but we do know the truck and DAMN it’s annoying.)
I have my 13 up.
I don’t do thirteens, but you’re right. I’d do KO. In a heartbeat.
He’s totally weird in real life, I believe. My money’s on OCD/Aspergers with a little ADHD, emphasis on the H.
But I see that everywhere, even in the mirror.
Doug, are you now going to start a PayPal donations button to get KO to pose in a bikini?
So when is he on? I don’t usually watch the news channels – I’ve got enough depressing crap of my own, I don’t nee the news too. But I’ll make an exception for eye (and brain) candy.
People are informing me that Thursday Thirteen is Ending.
Does this mean from now on we go straight from Wed to Fri? I wouldn’t mind, I guess.
Nox: he’s on MSNBC, a cable channel. Here on the west coast, we can watch him at 5PM and 9PM.
Kate: I love the arrogance of the TT people. Like they can “declare” TT to be over? Screw that. I’ll keep writing TTs as long as I’m having fun with it. I haven’t run out of ideas yet.
The rest of you: sorry it took me so long to put up the links. Got slammed today in the office, didn’t leave until after six. And am very, very tired right now.
I just watched the O’Reilly clip. KO is one sexy guy (although Dean says I can’t have sex with him). Intelligent, controlled outrage is such a turn-on!
What’s the matter with Dean? Too insecure to share you with a legend?
Karen can have sex with KO any time she wants, but I get to watch. And I think I’ll leave my Stickam running, too.
Have you checked out the Rolling Stone article on KO?
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/8957321/keith_olbermann/
:sigh: Submitted too soon. Here’s another link:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/13559914/the_most_honest_man_in_news
Error:
KO is Teh Newsman
Keith,
It just so happens,That the very Day You mentioned the Homeless,Under Bridges in New Orleans.
We was getting off of a Cruise ,In New Orleans.
And was Noticing that the Damage from Katrine was a pitiful site. That had’nt be adressed. By the Government. We took Pictures of the Devastation. And the Homeless under that very Bridge, On Canal Street.
O’Reiily is a Jerk for saying its not Happening.
Dan Reist
Decatur ,Alabama
David Shuster is supposed to be a reporter. Yet he appears regularly on Morning Joe and Chris Matthews hour show, and apparently with Tucker Carlson as a “co-host.” On these shows, he adopts the role of being a partisan commentator in the repartee with Scarborough and others. Often his remarks are quite biting; and they are clearly slanted in the direction of the Democrats; indeed, Scarborough kids him about this; and it is clear that it is intended that he play this role. Similarly, Keith Olbermann plays roles that include: “reporter” or presenter of the news, analyst, commentator, partisan, and, strangely and frequently, designated hitman against Fox News–in a obvious effort to bring down the ratings of Fox News Network, especially O’Reilly, his big rival, and raise the ratings of MSNBC and his own show in particular. Others have noted the blending by Chris Matthews of roles that include some of the Olbermann ingredients; indeed, he had to apologize also for his remarks on Clinton’s enabling of her husband’s philandering and riding that hurt to a Senate election; yet Matthews is a host of election coverage (as was Olbermann, who could be heard laughing at McCain’s speech after one election)and even a panelist on a campaign debate. The Chimera of this inappropriate monster blending is also a chimera–an illusion of their being authentic representatives of journalism.