Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Dumbass California cracker
That’s what I’m thinking when I discover I’ve overshot the Eddie Bauer outlet store by oh, 45 minutes driving time. “I see. Apopka-Vineland is a really long road.” But by then, all my bargain-hunting desire had been flayed from me by the cruel Orlando traffic. It didn’t help that my conference center was mere minutes away from the outlet store.
I’ll go tomorrow — after the morning session concludes but before I go to Gatorland to eat me some Gator for Corn Dog’s sake.
I ended up going to Orlando’s Millennia Mall. What a zoo! I’ve never had to park so far from a mall entrance (except in Silicon Valley at Xmastime). Don’t these Orlandoians have anything better to do on a Saturday night? But apparently not. Orlando is wall-to-wall commerce, one great mini-mall spreadeagled beneath its tumescent, leering, murine overlord. It’s Los Angeles without killer cops and Bald Britneys. It’s Las Vegas with lakes.
After much anguish, I found a present for Jake. No, I’m not saying. He’ll be pleased, I hope, and does he ever need something to cheer him up. He’s been sick with some kind of weird viral crud since the first of the year and I think he’s tired of being ill.
While at the mall, I picked up the nationwide Zagat to get an idea where to eat. I picked Amaya, a Japanese restaurant not far from my hotel (in Orlando-speak, that means, “Less than a thirty minute drive”). Reasonably good sushi, though not comparable to the Bay Area. I sat at the sushi bar beside a woman with livid red hair that might have been real. I tried not to stare, but she was SO BIG. Like an Amazon without the self-inflicted wound. So I ate my sushi and read erotica on my Blackberry and tried again not to stare.
Time to drink more gin. Alcohol at night is bad for sleep apnea but it has a protective effect for, oh, I don’t know. It’s in my syllabus.
And I found out that Medicare snuck in a 10% pay cut last year. This might just be for procedures; I’m not sure yet. But it’s getting harder and harder to tread water. Some docs like to figure out how many days per week they work to meet their overhead, but I’ve never been that masochistic. But it’s a good thing I’m going to be a bestselling novelist some day. We all know how lucrative that is.
D.
We all know how lucrative that is.
Well, yes. It’s going to save me, too.
Been blogging and surfing since last fall. First time I’ve had to look up a word.
Walt is, I think, probably happy that most people don’t know what you think about his creation and its progeny.
Dean, I’m counting on us being rich together.
Dave, welcome to my blog. My regulars know how I feel about Disney. If they would keep their twitchy, bewhiskered noses out of politics, I’d leave them alone. As it stands, mice are vermin.
Dean, I’m counting on us being rich together.
Ooo! Can I join this obscenely wealthy party, too? That way I can stop looking for a Sugar Daddy. ‘Cause you know how easy that’s been thus far… :/
Enjoying your little travelogue, D. Keep it comin’. 🙂
What, you mean I’m not going to end up the next J.K. Rowling?
And how did Mrs. nator end up in an Orlando sushi joint? She hates Florida…
Kris, one thing I’ve learned from Orlando: there’s money aplenty for us all to be obscene. Ly wealthy.
DN, you lucky gal. That’s a lot of woman.