Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Dangerous love
How far would you go for love?
Note: for the purposes of this post, and because I’m a guy, sex = love. The two are interchangeable. No, don’t bother to argue with me.
World Sex Records tells us, “Menstrual blood, placenta, and genitals have all been devoured to increase sexual prowess. Semen was also popular. (“The semen of virile young men should be mixed with the excrement of hawks or eagles and taken in pellet form.”) Chinese eunuchs, seeking regeneration of their lost sexual organs, would hopefully eat the warm brains of newly decapitated criminals.”
Sex is not without hazard. Heart attacks, seizures, and ruptured aneurysms number among the risks. And whatever else you do, don’t take “blow job” too literally. Blowing into the vagina during cunnilingus can result in air embolism and sudden death.
There’s risk, and then there’s risk; autoerotic asphyxiation is one well known way to off yourself in the throes, but the Darwin Awards site has many more creative ways of turning the little death into the Big One. Whether it’s inadvertant carbon monoxide poisoning, sex at 80 mph, or sex in the road, cars and sex don’t mix. Exceptions granted for the back seats of parked cars in dark, secluded places.
Needless to say, membership in the Mile High Club is only granted to survivors.
Fortunately, some horror stories are only urban legends. A man did not electrocute himself by masturbating into an electrically-stimulated cow heart, Catherine the Great was not crushed to death having sex with a horse, and [insert name of most hated rock star or starlet here] did not get a gallon of semen pumped out of his/her stomach. Damn. I always liked that tale. At least it’s true that Marilyn Chambers really was the Ivory Snow Girl.
Happy Valentine’s Day, droogs.
D.
So much information!! All I can say is; Yay! Sex in a car – woohoo!! And who’d have known the candle is historically the most favoured dildo.
And I was sure about Rod Stewart and semen stomach pumping; my sister said it was true and always called him a “sperm burper”.