Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Tukhes lecher
As promised yesterday, ten Yiddish curses (from the Yiddish Radio Project):
1. Khasene hobn zol er mit di malekh hamoves tokhter.
He should marry the daughter of the Angel of Death.
And this is bad why?
2. Oyf doktoyrim zol er dos avekgebn.
He should give it all away to doctors.
Indeed. We doctors deserve it.
Keep reading . . .
3. Trinkn zoln im piavkes.
Leeches should drink him dry.
Oh, I can hear my grandmother say this . . .
4. Gut zol oyf im onshikn fin di tsen makes di beste.
God should visit upon him the best of the Ten Plagues.
Which are the best ones? Hmm. Not to be one-upped:
5. Er zol hobn paroys makes bashotn mit oybes krets.
He should have Pharaoh’s plagues sprinkled with Job’s scabies.
And topped with Paris Hilton’s herpes!
6. Er zol kakn mit blit un mit ayter.
He should crap blood and pus.
Oy, enough with the health problems! Have you no creativity?
7. Vifil yor er iz gegangn oyf di fis zol er geyn af di hent un di iberike zol er zikh sharn oyf di hintn.
As many years as he’s walked on his feet, let him walk on his hands, and for the rest of the time he should crawl along on his ass.
‘Kay, that one’s interesting. Pay careful attention to this next one:
8. A kleyn kind zol nokh im heysn.
A young child should be named after him.
Think about it.
9. Fransn zol esn zayn layb.
Venereal disease should consume his body.
Again mit der diseases. But this one could be improved upon: Venereal disease should consume his body, but he should catch it from a public toilet. After all, Yiddish curses can be very specific. To wit:
10. Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung.
God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue.
There. Now you are well equipped to deal with all your enemies. May they grow like onions, with their heads in the ground.
D.
I’ve thought about it, all morning, and I don’t get #9 as an insult. You will have to explain it to me. All I see is the joy of having a child and giving them your name…how is this bad? A bit self-involved, but not that insulting…please help me? I do quite like #3. I may use that.
My cousin married a Jewish fella, and they named their twins after relatives. The catch was, they had to be dead relatives.
oh, OUCH. *whiplash noise*
i used to know how to say “go crap in that lake”…and one or two others. but not anymore.
Yeah, you’re not supposed to name a kid after someone who’s still alive.
I’m glad you all picked up that it was #8 that baffled Lyvvie. Agreed, I can see some upside to having venereal disease consume my body, but the net effect must be miserable.
Shaina: geh kaken im [lake] — does that help? In my family, they always stopped at “geh kaken” — like telling someone to shut up. “Go take a dump, would you?” was the meaning at Chez Ur-Walnut.
What’s Yiddish for “your father smelt of elderberries?”
Ha! “Your father smelt of elderberries”! Funny if you know where it comes from, which I do.
Okay, Anduin, out with it. Where does the expression come from?
This is must learn stuff and I really need audio. My 90 yr old mother gets fouled up on vowels in English…
Hi Sherry! You really are strolling through the old posts 🙂