Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
‘Tis the season
‘Tis the season for runny-nosed Tiny Tims to cough tuberculous fomites into my dumbstruck mouth. My head feels like a helium balloon, my throat full of thorns. When I finish this post, I’m dosing up on cold remedies and with any luck I’ll be comatose by midnight.
‘Tis the season for well-meaning patients to shower our office with fudge and cookies and See’s Candy. I love you. I hate you. Don’t you realize I have no self-control?
‘Tis the season for other well-meaning patients to ask, “Are you ready for Christmas?” or “Get all your Christmas shopping done yet?” I know this shouldn’t bother me, but it does. It makes me long for those patients who, with one glance at my swarthy, Semitic good looks, assume I’m tribe. NO, I’m not ready for Christmas, and neither are my atheist son and wife. I’m not even ready for Hanukkah! (You try finding candles here in the boonies.) Something about those questions rankle. They remind me I’m an outsider, a poor bastard who has to rub his fist against frosty windows to view scenes from Norman Rockwell’s wet dreams.
‘Tis the season that gives me the blues.
D.
P.S.: Sorry about the downer post. Sex tomorrow, I promise — thanks to Blue Gal and May for a couple o’ hot tips.
Guess I haven’t been reading your blog long enough to know: why are you an outsider? You’re Jewish? Athiest? Scrooge? So … I hope you have a merry recovery from the head cold.
Now I got it. Happy Hanukkah. I must get here more often!
Agnostic Jewish Buddhist married to an atheist Buddhist with an atheist son, to be exact. I feel like an outsider even at our temple’s annual Hanukkah party. But thanks, Lesia 😉
So sending you a holdiay card was a bad thing to do?
No religious stuff, not even a Santa. I always try to be completely non-denominational.
You done good, Tam. I’m only kvetching about the people who put me on the spot. (Still, it’s not as bad as the old dude who demanded to know if I were a “Sabbath Keeper”. Huh?)
I’m agnostic. And all the ‘Jesus is The Reason For The Season’ stuff really ticked me off. This time of years has had a holiday for many years before Christ. So I celebrate the Midwinter Holiday or Giftmas. I refuse to buy cards that say ‘Merry Christmas’, even though I do send them out this time of years. No agels on my Holiday Tree – which is actually a pre-Christian tradition.
And your ‘semitic’ good looks could pass as greek. 🙂
Giftmas. I like that. When my kids asked last year if we weren’t being hypocritical by celebrating Christmas when we’re not, y’know, Christian, I told them we’re celebrating the commercialized version. They were good with that.
Whoops. clicked “submit” too soon (it’s that damn submissive nature, dontchaknow).
Feel better. Enjoy the Nyquil. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you to push fluids and get plenty of rest, do I? **smooches**
Greek, nox? I like that. And I make a mean spanakopita.
Thanks, Darla. Crappy night last night — and I kept my poor wife up with all my hacking. Doctors shouldn’t be allowed to get sick.
Oh, well. Time to go in to work to infect all my patients.
I can kind of sympathize – although I really love Christmas (for me, it’s all about family and food and surprising the kids – the Santa holiday, not the church one) I have this stupid little personal nativity phobia to get past first. Round about Dec. 16th, though, I’m good to go. But I dread the first 2 weeks of December every year.
And colds suck any time. Hope you feel better soon!
I think I look as Irish as humanly possible, yet I’m often mistaken for just about everything else, including Jewish and, once, Pakistani. Must be the beard.
First off, I love Spanakopita.
As your sister, I identify heavily with your feelings about people who wish me a Merry Christmas and/or ask if my Christmas shopping is done. I especially hate the non-stop Christmas music on the radio; thank God I have a CD player.
I contributed to that candy avalanche. Sorry.
And finally, this is the season for Airborne. I swear by it. One of my colleagues popped one of those not realizing it is supposed to be diluted in water. Hah.
Feel better soon!!!
I freakin’ HATE Christmas. One of my best friends already accused me of being Scrouge. I retorted, “Running a little late this year with the name slinging, aren’t ya? It’s already December 5.†I have one glass ornamental 4-inch tree, which I may, if I’m in an extra jolly mood, set out around December 24. I will throw it back in the cabinet on the evening of December 25, if I have put it out at all. Christmas has become a commercialized spending spree like Mother’s Day, which one of my relatives invented while smoking crack in her tiny little porcelain pipe one afternoon. Nope, I can’t say I’m a Mayflower descendant. All I can claim is I’m a Mother’s Day Hallmark card carrying member descendent. Frankly, I like April 15 way better than these two holidays. Yeppers, I would rather be doing my taxes. At least on tax day it’s just me versus the federal government and otherwise it me versus every drunk ho-ho-ho-er out there staggering around on the street wondering why I can’t get “into the spirit.†PUH-LEEEEEZE, talk to the hand.
I’m thinking, one of these days, I’ll make some custom cards to send out during the “holiday” season… Used to see some really interesting private cards at the one hour photo lab (nothing I can post, but perhaps I’ll create one of my own that I can put up on my blog before the damned day – probably not a recreation of the crucified santa card tho. Maybe something with boobs, in honor of you).
I hate winter, hate being cold, and hate catching colds! But I loves me some Agnostic Jewish Buddhist Doctor Writer Sexgod!