Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
The Hanukkah meme
Holiday spirit? Fvck yeah, why not? But Christmas isn’t precisely my holiday. If you want the original Christmasy version of this meme, you’ll have to check Tam’s blog.
This is my version, such as it is.
1. Manischewitz or Kolobarra Hills Shiraz Cabernet 2004? Vintage, man. You kidding me?
2. Does the Hanukkah Lobster wrap presents or just sit them under the Hannukah Shrub? Hanukkah Lobster has claws, so he tends to tear the wrapping. He prefers to guide the presents under the shrub with his blessedly strong tail.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Huh? We still have the (nonfunctional) Xmas lights from our house’s last owner, the Imelda Marcos of Brookings. They’re colored. I’m the only one here who could take them down, and I’m too lazy. So . . . colored.
Heh heh. Yer kinda cute fer a Christ-killer.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? I prefer to kill it by lethal injection.
5. When do you set out your menorah? Usually on the second or third night of Hanukkah, accompanied by that famous Hanukkah Carol, Kids, I Missed The First Night AGAIN. Damned lunar calendar.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Oooh, that’s easy. Latkes (potato pancakes).
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: My mother giving me all my presents weeks ahead of time, so that when Hanukkah finally arrived, my only presents were socks and shirts. THANKS, Mom.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? The very first time I saw a department store Santa Claus and asked my mom if I could meet him. Mom’s reply was something like: Yeah, right. You believe that?
9. Do you open a gift on Hanukkah Eve? Yes, you poor I-only-get-to-open-presents-on-one-day goy. We open gifts EVERY night of Hanukkah. (Not strictly true. By the time I hit my tenth birthday, my family had left the Hanukkah gift-exchange behind. Nowadays, we throw a few presents around. No biggy.)
10. How do you decorate your Hanukkah Shrub? With decorative gefilte fish balls. Our cats love us.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Outside of a paper cone, I fear it.
12. Can you ice skate? With rare exception, Jews don’t ice skate. We’ve been known to kvetch to the rink manager, “Can’t you warm it up a bit in here? I’ll catch the double pneumonia.”
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? No. I really don’t.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? I get lots and lots of time off from work — mostly to keep my employees happy, but to keep me sane, too.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Poppy seed hamentashen. So what if it’s a dessert for Purim. You didn’t say which holiday.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? “But it’s my birthday” sex. Again, you didn’t say which holiday.
17. What tops your tree? Sorry, ladies, only Karen gets to top my tree.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? As I’ve said before, GIVING. I can receive myself two or three times a day, but it takes a partner to do some righteous giving.
Okay, okay, enough with the double entendre . . .
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Invader ZIM’s Christmas Carol, of course!
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yuck. Yuuuuuck. Does anyone like these abominations?
Anyone can play this meme. Trust me, it’s much more fun if you monkey with the questions first.
D.
Our mother really said that about Santa Claus?
#9? Definitely.
Funny meme…
In truth, I’m not sure what she said. I remember asking to see one of those store Santas (and where could that have been? What department stores did we have?) & M telling me it was all BS. She didn’t say BS, of course, but she had no interest in me believing that stuff.
Hey queer boy. Like posting drivel on womens sites huh? Well go back to sucking dicks and packing fudge, idiot!!!
Hey, everyone, go take a look at booboo’s site. He’s what we’re fighting to defend in Afghanistan. Go Team America, woo-hoo!
The sad side effect of the low barrier to entry.
i did this meme! it was fun. sorta. go see.
and that booboo guy is scary. me no likey.
Actually, Doug, we’re fighting to defend families like ours so that our kids can grow up and not want to tattoo innocent people just because they fit a profile.
Least that’s why my cousin was over there trying to rebuild things.
Booboo’s a nutjob. Don’t let hin bother you.
Doug, I loved your Hanukkah meme. This is probably because I’m a liberal dyke hag lover. But then, I embrace labels like that. That’s just the kind of crap we femi-nazis do. We’re a real threat like that.
Back to Hanukkah: I’m starting to feel cheated, here. I never thought it was fair Jewish kids got 8 days of presents and I only got 1 day…and now I find out there’s a Hanukkah LOBSTER?? And a SHRUB??? That’s it. I’m petitioning the White House to recognize Hanumas as a real holiday.
George promised he’d be the President who promoted unity in America. Here’s his shot!
Nope, boo boo can crawl back under his stone without worrying about a visit from me. I’m not going to give the idiot the traffic.
We used to get Hannukah money and a Christmas tree. Yay us! Yay lots of presents!
I want lobster…
booboo = random weirdo on no significance.
lyvvie! lobster=that’s what we have at the top of our christmas tree. Plastic, tho.
Shiraz Cab under ten bucks a bottle. I don’t care if it’s kosher, I’m sold.
Kate, you have a plastic lobster on top of your tree?? How L.L. Bean! You can understand then why I have a glass pickle on my tree, because it’s just right to have one. I’m now going to have to get a lobster for the tree, it’s resolved.