Balls and Walnuts
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Five-minute Brokeback
Brokeback Mountain finally made it to cable TV, which doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to watch it. No, it means Karen’s going to watch it, tell me all about it, and I’ll translate it for you. In the spirit of Five-Minute Shakespeare, I bring you Five-Minute Brokeback.
Cue music.
Doug: You watching Brokeback Spongebob?
Karen: No —
Doug: Brokeback to the Future?
Karen: No. Brokeback Mountain.
A few minutes later . . .
Doug: Them are sheep, not cows.
Karen: Observant.
Doug: So them are sheepboys, not cowboys.
Karen: Shhh. I’m trying to watch this.
Doug: “Ennis, yer cuter ‘n a sheep’s ass, you are.”
Karen: Come on!
Doug: “Ennis, y’ever notice how your name kinda sounds like –”
Karen: SHUT THE FVCK UP.
***
Doug: Did they do it already?
Karen: Yeah.
Doug: Was it hot?
Karen: Not terribly. They did it, then they got married. To women. Because they don’t think society will approve of their love.
Doug: That’s the whole movie?
Karen: Pretty much. They have no insight into their lives, so they spend most of the movie giving each other soulful looks —
Doug: Boring.
Karen: — and kissing occasionally.
Doug: Eeew. I don’t mind them hitting each other’s ass, but kissing?
Karen: Yeah, I don’t know why the critics loved this so much.
Doug: Because not since Arthur Hiller’s blockbuster Making Love has Hollywood been so daring as to show two men tongue-wrestling? Anyway, how did it end?
Karen: Don’t know. I stopped watching it.
So, yeah, you guys will have to clue me in. By the way, a word to the wise: if you’re searching google (with safe search off) for a sheep’s butt, do not, DO NOT, use “sheep ass” as your search term. Don’t do it. Don’t even ask.
D.
yes they kiss, and OH GOD that kiss is SO SO SO SO SO HOT. the sex scene wasnt that big of a deal, but the kissing, the horsing around, the genuine affection is what it’s all about. and the pain. and the sadness. its such a sad movie. i love it sooo much. and the book is even better–for a 90 page book, it sure packs a hell of a lot in there.
I know this sort of conversation has taken place here before. Husbands, Tcha! Always ruining the flicks. Worse’n Children. But so funny to see it happening to someone else.
By the way, a word to the wise: if you’re searching google (with safe search off) for a sheep’s butt, do not, DO NOT, use “sheep a[$$]†as your search term. Don’t do it. Don’t even ask.
I was looking for kayaking gear when I entered “men’s paddling top” into Google. Once I realized what I had done, I was almost afraid to look. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I did not, in fact, come up with a slew of leather daddy sites.
Er, not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that – it’s just all wrong for sea kayaking.
(BTW, your naughty words spam filter ate an excerpt from an MSBC article I posted on your Thanksgiving 13 – it seemed kind of unfair, given the nature of some of your vignettes 😉 )
That’s weird — I didn’t know I had a naughty words spam filter! I write the word “fvck” most of the time because I already get too many . . . ahem, alternative viewers.
Now I’m off to google “Men’s paddling top”. Make sure your safesearch is off next time 😉
Spam Karma did it, I think… I use a combo of Bad Behavior and Askimet myself, so I understand entirely.
And I did have safesearch off! That’s why I was so surprised that all I got was brightly-colored GoreTex!
yup, me too. How disappointing. I even did a google image search and nothing but athletic men.