Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Wherein I get a marriage proposal
“Dr. Hoffman, I’ll bet you’re married.”
“Well, yes –”
“I knew it. All the good ones are married.”
Imagine my thoughts as I looked at my patient . . .
Me: Damn! I must still have it: that hint of danger, that raw sexuality sizzling beneath the surface —
Mysterious Woman: “Dr. Hoffman, are you listening to me?”
So I blink, and see . . .
Me: Damn! Not bad, Hoffman. After all, you’ve been a very naughty boy. Nothing like Xena to kick your ass down to Trinidad and back, then kiss the bruises —
Mysterious Woman: “Dr. Hoffman! You’re not paying attention to me. I said –”
I shake my head. My cheeks make those comical floppy noises you hear in cartoons. I ball up my fists, rub my eyes, and see . . .
Me: Damn! Okay, so maybe I’m not that crazy about blondes; but if a blonde has to have a jones for me, it might as well be Gabrielle! Sure, I’d rather have Xena kickin’ my ass, but Gaby had a vicious streak, too. And, hey, as long as I’m pulling blondes from Xena Warrior Princess, I wonder what Hudson Leick is up to —
Mysterious Woman: “I don’t know what’s got into you.” (Knocking on my forehead.) “Hellooo. ANYONE HOME?”
One last blink. Oh, baby, we’re almost home . . .
Me: Damn!
D.
Note to my Bare Rump readers: sorry for recycling a sight gag, but this seemed like a natural.
By the way: that’s Jacqueline Kim in the first photo — another Xena alumnus.
Err, Doug, are you telling us about a patient with morphing abilities? Or sharing a fantasy where your sub-conscious laughs at you in the last minute? Either way – it’s a scary, scary thing ;o)
Think of it as a fictional adaptation of my daily experience. Plus, I’d been looking for an excuse to put Jacqueline Kim up on my blog. Rrroowrr.
Doug, you are a cruel, cruel man.