Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Foot and fist
Today, Jake had his first Taekwondo tournament. (Per Wikipedia, Tae Kwon Do and Taekwondo are both correct.) He turned 11 last month, which placed him in the 11-13 age group. Yippee. So he was the shortest and lightest kid in his group; but did that faze him? Naw.
I’d say That’s my boy right about now, except I was a craven coward at his age. Um, at any age. In 7th grade, when I mouthed off about a girl I didn’t even know and it transpired she was standing RIGHT BEHIND ME, I lived in terror for weeks that she would hunt me down and slaughter me. I checked out some martial arts books from the library, took one look, and cringed. Me? Do that?
But this isn’t about me. Here’s Jake working through his form:
Look at that left foot — it’s a blur! Go, Jake!
And here, he’s mid-kick.
Two best moments from the tournament:
1. During sparring, a bloodthirsty mom called out to her son, “JUST PRETEND HE’S YOUR BROTHER!”
2. Two girls were sparring. The first girl’s mom kept screaming, “Kick her in the head, kick her in the head!”
The woman next to her finally said, “That’s my daughter she’s fighting,” thereby shutting up Mom #1.
Worst moment of the match: Jake getting paired off with THIS giant:
He was a head taller and about 100 pounds heavier than Jake. Kept nailing my boy on the head and finally planted his foot on my son’s nose. But did Jake whimper? No!
That’s my boy? No, not yet. I would have pissed my pants.
After that bout, I told Jake how proud I was. “I never could have done that at your age. The only thing I ever competed in was chess, and I sucked at that.”
“Enough,” he said. “You’re making this like one of those inspirational movies.”
What a kid. So . . . guess what Jake calls his helmet?
A glory helmet*.
That’s my boy.
D.
*Please don’t make me explain that.
i’m sorry to be a nitpicker again. but it should be, “but did that FAZE him” not “phase”. jeesh doug, as a writer you should know better! but i guess thats why there are people like me…
p.s. i decided to try and start blogging in my LJ again. that’s what its for, isnt it? go see!
http://shainamaydel.livejournal.com/
but i guess thats why there are people like me…
That would be people who don’t capitalize or use apostrophes correctly?
I have you on my blogroll now, my little shaina maydel . . .
Hey people, let us make Doug explain why Jake calls it a glory helmet!
Please Doug, I wanna know!
pssssh. thats just pure laziness. but i never SPELL incorrectly or use the wrong word or pluralize with an apostraphe…
yay! thanks!
Glory helmet? Is that an American term? Jewish? ‘Splain please.
*gasp*
Those kids are sparring on carpeted floor? You’re a doctor, Doug, spring for a proper plywood floor for that dojo. Save a few ankles and knees.
shaina – a word to the wise, from someone who’s the unofficial editor for an office of 50: save it for when it really counts. The internet is FULL of misspellings, and poor word choices, and lousy grammar – some made in ignorance, some for lack of a spell-checker or adequate sleep. You can’t save them all, and you’ll be old before your time if you try.
Doug – glory helmet?!? C’mon, you’ve gotta tell us now.
Allow me to point out that the correct spelling of the word, when used in the context that Doug has used it, is ‘faze’.
‘Phase’ has a completely different meaning and etymology.
Dean, I already changed it from phase to faze when Shaina pointed out the error. Yes, I’m that anal.
Shaina: APOSTROPHE, not apostraphe. People who live in glass houses . . .
The rest of you: see glory hole. (How does he know about this? From the Comedy Central program, Drawn Together.)
Great pictures! Jake is a blur in them. He is so fast the camera can’t catch his feet and hands.
Wow, impressive Jake!!!! Especiallly going against that beefball who outweighs him by 100 pounds.
I see parents at these competitions are no more civilized than they are at soccer matches.
😛
>>“Kick her in the head, kick her in the head!â€
Yeesh!!
In fairness to that mom, Jim, that is one of the goals of Taekwondo sparring. Head-kicks get 2 points, other hits 1 point, if I understand the rules correctly. But, yeah. STFU already, I wanted to yell.