Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Doped exorcist philosophize the raw(a) vaudevillian with anisometric Ceratopogon
Stay with me on this.
- Karen and I sat in the same room with Jake while he had his MRI. Noisy as hell, but any of you who have had an MRI know that already. There’s also something scary as hell about that jumbo Tesla-jelly-filled donut (no small wonder I write lots of valium prescriptions for my patients undergoing MRI scans), and that reminded me that
- Things used to be much worse. In the old pre-MRI, pre-CT days, we used to order myelograms. Basic idea: inject something radiopaque (dark on X-rays) into the spinal canal, tip the patient upside down to let the material get into the cerebrospinal fluid surrounding the brain, and shoot some X-rays. This was painful, and also — early on — quite dangerous. Why anyone ever thought it would be okay to inject oil or thorium dioxide into the cerebrospinal fluid is beyond me, but hey, we used to radiate kids for acne and ear infections. Then I remembered
- Didn’t poor Linda Blair have to scream her lungs out in The Exorcist when they made her pretend she was having a myelogram? Maybe I’m the only person who recalls that scene, but in my opinion it’s THE only scary scene in the movie; the rest is pure camp. So
- I decided to investigate this a bit by googling Exorcist + myelogram, expecting perhaps that another blogger, my doppelganger, perhaps, might have already written a piece like this. Instead, I discovered
- There’s a whole world of websites that dope their meta tags with words like ‘exorcist’ and ‘myelogram’, websites that want folks like me to come take a look in the hope that here, at last, I will find some commentary on Linda Blair’s myelogram. Some of these sites sell prescription drugs; many more are porn sites. Now, I consider myself a student of human perversion, but even I had not heard of bangboatbackseatbangers. (Look for yourself if you’re so damned curious. Despite the neologism, the sex is horribly pedestrian.) But it gets even better.
- A website with the title line, ‘Breast pain progestin — hungry titties taste the studded pubes with wet maidenhead’ actually sells Ultram; the same website has a separate page (with identical content) entitled ‘vioxx and aspirin allergy — Statuesque vulva smack the knobbed teats with thin balls’. And I’m thinking
- Man, they really want to sell Ultram, and
- I could write this stuff.
The horror, boys and girls. The horror.
D
