Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Losing it
When I got into the office this morning, I heard voices. No, only one voice: faint and tinny, a disk jockey, perhaps, or a TV news anchor. I scoped out the room. Radio was off, so was the computer. WTF?
You write it . . .
. . . the power of . . .
Inspirational messages? I checked our answering machine, but the voice emanated from the office Karen and I share, not the reception desk.
Gooseflesh came when I thought of John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness. As Lucifer’s son awakens from his long slumber, everyone begins having the same dream — a broadcast from the future, the receiver poorly tuned, image out of focus, sound quality poor.
The voice came from my refrigerator.
Lately I’ve felt like I was at the business end of a yo-yo string, but hearing voices? From my fridge?
. . . the time line . . .
. . . relief starts with you . . .
We have been known to keep food for years past its expiration, but I had thought that, in addition to nutrients, the spontaneous generation of sentient life would require heat and light. No, the relish and mustard looked quite silent and stupid.
Maybe it was the fridge itself talking. Engineers put voice chips into everything these days; maybe the fridge had a problem.
Relief starts with you?
I opened the freezer compartment just as the recording started up again . . .
You write it, they live it. As the timeline demonstrates, with the power of AcipHex, brand of Rabeprazole Sodium, you can help your patients experience relief from symptoms related to GERD throughout their treatment.
Yatta yatta. Someone had put an effing AcipHex brochure in the freezer!
Um.
Yeah, I did. Last week. Cuz I was sick and tired of hearing the damned thing yap away at me.
D.
PS: AcipHex has to have one of the worst trade names of all drugs. “Doctor, there’s something I need to know before I fill this prescription. Precisely what are the ass effects?”
Some gasoline and a match will solve that problem for you.
Okay, Walnut. You are just killing me, good thing I wasn’t drinking anything while reading this, or my computer would have had a shower!
When you start hearing the voices, and they don’t have a good excuse – that’s when you should worry. Or, start writing it all down for a good novel!
Rella
I’ve spent way too much time on this blog today. I must subconsciously be hoping for a glimpse at your Thong of Enlightenment.
#1: Prince of Darkness was a freaky movie, and I was just thinking about that messed-up broadcast voice the other day (probably because of Battlestar Galactica; the radio voices on that show are all futzy).
#2: AssFX? WTF?
#3: Talking brochures? Is that the next stage in irritation technology?
mm
…Thong of Enlightenment.
Just the words “Thong of Enlightenment” make me blind.
Hmm. Let me see if I can get Karen to model the Thong of Enlightenment.
LOL…talking brochure. Will you have a contest to raffle it off? I want it! I want it! PICK ME!
Thanks for making me snarf cookies up into my sinuses, more or less. If I get an infection, I’m going to come and make you look at it.