Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Who says I can’t give it away for free?
For the past two months, I’ve been bruxing over “Cornucopia”, my first story to make the Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine’s almost-but-not-quite-yet cut. Today, I received my ASIM: Sorry email. They have a policy not to keep stories — even stories they love — for more than a few months. All this is depressing, naturally, BUT, and I paraphrase their email, ‘if you’ve made it this far, we’re sure you’ll have no trouble placing this story.’
Ahem. Surely they know how tough the fiction market is (not to mention the humor market)? With Planet Relish defunct, where else can humorists go? Yeah, the occasional funny story shows up in F&SF or SciFi.Com, but when it comes to my personal brand of raunchy yucks, ASIM’s the best market. I’m tempted to email them back:
Look, guys, if you want to hang on to “Cornucopia” a few months longer, go right ahead. I’d like to see the story published where it belongs.
I like that where it belongs bit. Up until that moment, the underlying message reeks of desperation. But with where it belongs, I’ve placed my lips firmly upon their collective editorial asses. I’m told this works sometimes.
On a not-quite-unrelated note, I’ve posted one of my older short stories (“Omega Point Books”) on the website. OPB is a homeless waif of a story . . . until now. John Scalzi’s blog, Whatever, inspired me to do this. Scroll down to John’s April 11 post — he has some very interesting thoughts on copyright, fair use, and fan fiction. He’s made me realize the wisdom of giving stuff away for free.
Why post “Omega Point Books” and not “Cornucopia”? Hey, if I’ve made it this far, the ASIM editors are sure I’ll have no problem placing my story. Do you think I’m nuts?
D.
Entertaining story, there, Doug. “Let’s do coitus” indeed. Dare I to ask which book disappointed you so? (If you would rather reply by email, feel free.)
-pat
Hi Doug … interesting blog 🙂
-Crystal
Thanks, Crystal. Long time no see! When will you be coming ’round the bbs?
Doug