Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
A Buddhist reverend, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar
Naw, I don’t know how the joke ends, either.
Neither Karen nor I remember much about our wedding. Here’s what Karen had to say about it a moment ago, when I asked: “It was very stressful.” Weddings aren’t for the bride and groom, that’s for sure. I do know one thing — I had a gorgeous bride.
Some things we didn’t have at our wedding:
- Bride’s tone-deaf best friend singing “There is Love”
- Candle-lighting rituals, symbolism explained to death by resident clergyman
- Screaming and/or crying babies in the audience
- Endless blathering about The Big Guy, since Buddhists are more into The Fat Guy
- Spectacle of groom smearing the bride’s face with cake
But we did not avoid
- Annoying sermon by ass-hat Buddhist reverend
- Smile-induced facial pain
- Extreme exhaustion
- Vows*
One nice thing about Buddhist temples:
Lots and lots of gold.
Why no rabbi-reverend pan-cultural extravaganza? My family wouldn’t pop for the rabbi’s rather exorbitant fee, and I made it clear I didn’t give a damn one way or the other. Too bad, really — some rabbis give terrific marriage sermons. I doubt we would have been so lucky.
We got our way on the music (string quartet) and the food (food? Who had time to eat?) The rest is nothing but scattered impressions. I remember one post-wedding scandal (a relative giving us a Japanese dish with the sticker still on the bottom, ‘Compliments of Sumitomo Bank’) and one intra-wedding scandal (a relative combing her hair with a fork). I remember how Karen’s dad blanched when he saw the Olympic-sized jacuzzi tub in our wedding suite.
The requisite after-cake kiss:
Holy cow! Am I making a grab for Karen’s hooter? Jeez. Get a room.
I guess that’s why wedding photos are so important. Without them, we’d have nothing but a marriage certificate to remember the occasion. That and the cool gifts, of course.
Happy Anniversary, Karen! Hope you like this post — it’s all I got for you!
And my love, of course.
D.
*Intelligent person’s vows. I pledged to be a good husband and Karen pledged to be a good wife. Think about it — do you really need anything more than that?
Happy anniversary! Thanks for taking us along on your trip down memory lane. I needed that this week.
My wedding’s a blur too. We had the Methodist plus Jewish-Marriage-counselor-who’s-also-a-Rabbi
-but-doesn’t-have-a-congregation-because-he-
performs-interfaith-ceremonies type of marriage.
I was treated to my (Christian) mother’s (Jewish) best friend, who was adamant that I convert, saying to me in the receiving line, “It was very nice, dear, but you know he’s not a REAL rabbi, don’t you? Oh well, Good Luck!”
I remember eating a lovely beet salad at the reception, but I swear that’s the sum total of the memories.
Lovely post, beautiful bride and handsome groom. Happy anniversary, Doug. May you and Karen enjoy many more years together.
You had a gorgeous bride. 🙂
Congrats to both of you and many happy years to come.
Happy Anniversay, Doug!
My wedding took place in a rose garden at a park, only music was a shakuhachi flute 🙂
Great photos! Happy anniversary.
Mazel Tov! I got married in ’75 in a canyon edged house in LA. The Rabbi drove up in a ’57 Studebaker. A tablecloth, held up by 4 attendees, was the chubah. My best man was dressed in gangster black, right down to the fedora. He carried the rings in a violin case.
Many happy returns of the day, Doug & Karen.
Thanks, folks. I’m using Best Western’s complimentary lobby computer for this and my eyes are in full allergy mode and my family is still asleep in the room. Typical vacation 😉