Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Contests
It’s a SCONE OFF!
First Beth posted her scone recipe . . .
Then Kate posted hers . . .
Then Lyvvie dared me to bake ’em both and let ’em battle it out in my mouth, upping the ante with the statement,
please tell me if you use real butter…I’m in the mood for some food porn.
And how could I deny anyone with eyes like hers?
So: this Saturday, it’s a Scone Off. My son and my wife will judge. I’ll blog on the results, and I will try to make it as pornographic as possible. Which means I’ll have to plan for leftover butter.
Don’t forget the Barbarous Craft contest, folks. I know you all have stories to share.
***
As for Brownie appearing on Colbert: what. an. idiot. Could he have looked any worse?
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Lyn Cash has posted a great joke . . . and oh boy do I ever dig that photo.
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Lilith has links to Brokeback spoofs . . . including Brokeback of the Dead. Bub, I don’t know how to quit you!
D.
The barbarous craft: a contest
UPDATED! See below.
I have in my hot little hands three hardcover copies of A Life in Medicine: A Literary Anthology, edited by Robert Coles, M.D., and Randy Testa. This is a fine collection of poetry, fiction, and nonfiction about medicine, and includes work from Walt Whitman, William Carlos Williams, Anton Chekhov, Lewis Thomas, and Raymond Carver. Good stuff.
If you’re interested in winning a copy, here’s what you need to do. Between now and Friday evening, post something to your blog about medicine. Medical horror stories, medical success stories, hearsay can-you-believe-its, anything you like. Hey, I’ll even allow stories from veterinary medicine.
Once you’ve posted your story on your blog, drop me a comment in response to this post, and I’ll provide a link below (much as we do for the Thursday Thirteen). I’ll draw three names at random. You’ll need to be willing to email me your address so that I can mail you your copy.
Think of this as an open-ended meme with a potential prize!
UPDATE:
I wanted to add two things:
1. Yes, this is open to folks anywhere in the world.
2. For those of you who have a theme blog, a post about medicine, illness, healing, etc. may not fit into your theme. If you would still like to participate, I would be happy to host your column on this blog.
PARTICIPANTS:
1. Maureen romances the epidural.
2. Dean betrays his two best friends — and they take cruel revenge.
3. Leslie shares two horror stories.
4. Carla breaks my heart. (Well, any reader. Not me specifically, you understand.)
5. Suisan talks about a horse who haunts her dreams. Yes, Suisan, this qualifies.
6. Sapphire Writer is reeeally pushing her luck, but . . . okay, huge tumors count.
7. Kate discusses the joys of mature (rhymes with manure) doctors.
8. SxKitten‘s story took my breath away. Scary!
9. zzHwy101 had a screw loose . . . really.
10. Blue Gal proves that Prozac isn’t all bad.
11. Shelbi, it’s not that unusual for doctors to apologize. I often do.
D.
Number 500: a giveaway
Yup, this is my 500th post. I’d like to celebrate by giving away a copy of one of my favorite books, Jorge Luis Borges’ Collected Fictions. If you already own it, or if you despise Borges, let me know, and I’ll send you a gift certificate instead.
The rules are easy. In the comments, tell me how you found your way here the very first time. I know the answer for some of you (the BBSers), but for most of you, I haven’t a clue — and I’m curious.
Tomorrow night at this time, I’ll write down the names of the commenters and draw one at random. The winner will need to email me with his or her snail mail addie.
Karen reads Kate Rothwell’s Somebody Wonderful . . . in one day!
Little Green Fascists tests the waters of poor taste . . . and finds them warm and inviting!
And . . .
I finally explain why you should belittle your children at every opportunity!
Plus . . .
Too many exclamation marks cause fingernail cancer!!!
And more.
D.
Contest Pimpage
Demented Michelle has posted all entries to her Halloween Prank Challenge here. Head on over, read ’em, and vote for your favorite. You’ve probably already read my entry, but what the hey, read it again. I know y’all can’t get enough of my hacky sack.
Elsewhere in the ‘osphere, Invisible Lizard is hosting a challenge (details here) for NaNoWriMo participants. As I understand the rules, contestants who fail to complete their 50K words must clean the toe jam from those of us who finish. Yeah. Something like that.
D.
Technorati tag: Halloween, NaNoWriMo
Okay, I’m kidding about the toe jam . . . but I still can’t make head nor tails of the rules. My brain is still fuzzed over from the move, I suppose.
And the winner is . . .
One long-ass paragraph:
After waxing the racing stripes on my woody, she buffed my chassis with hands as smooth as a chamois. I compensated by adjusting her headlights and performing a tune-up, revving her engine until it purred. Her wheels flanking my underbody, I inserted my dipstick to make sure she was sufficiently lubed, then scoped out her spark plugs with my diagnostic tool. She lost all cruise control then, begging for more torque and increased acceleration, pushing me beyond the speed limit with a flagrant disregard for improved gas mileage. No problem with my 6-speed manual transmission. I greased her rear spoiler before she clamped her fenders around my exhaust outlet. I almost lost it while tailgating her, but managed to keep my tire properly inflated. I shifted into gear, applying my hydraulic clutch, which sent her anti-lock braking system into overdrive. Traction control became difficult with all the skidding and fishtailing. Then our radiators started to steam so we flipped on the defoggers. When her bucket seat lurched, I ratcheted her safety belt as my rod pistoned her battery. I thrust into fourth gear with a powerful gas emission, blew my horn, and burned rubber across the finish line.
Daisy, I’ll be emailing you just as soon as I figure out how to do a Barnes & Noble gift certificate. Thanks to all for playing!
D.
Good Bad Sex Challenge: last call for votes
Okay, you anonymous contestants (you know who you are!) This is your last chance to vote.
All entries are posted here. Email me your votes for the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place entries. You may not vote for yourself.
My email addy is:
azureus
at
harborside
dot
com
See ya,
D.
Getting out the vote
Thanks to Marlys, Bonnie, Lingual, Daisy, and Scott for responding promptly on the vote. Just a tease: with five votes in, there is no clear cut front-runner. Seems y’all like your bad sex dished up in different ways.
The rest of you: get crackin!
heheheheheheh he said crack.
D.
The Good Bad Sex Challenge: Voting Rules
1. Please note that two entries, I and O, are above the word limit. Sorry, folks, but rules is rules.
2. Please also note that we received another entry (P) just under the wire.
3. After reading the entries, please send me your vote. Clearly indicate your first place, second place, and third place pick. A simple “X, Y, Z” will tell me you want X in first place, Y in second, Z in third.
4. Only contestants may vote. The rest of you can make comments in response to this thread, if you like.
5. You may not vote for yourself.
6. E-mail me your vote at:
azureus
at
harborside
dot
com
7. If you’re one of the anonymous contestants, clearly indicate in your vote which entry belongs to you (that way, I’ll know you’re not voting for yourself).
My thanks go out to all entrants, even the guy with the happy knife. Great bad sex, folks!
D.
The Good Bad Sex Contest: All Entries
As of this writing, not all entries are eligible for the vote. See my last post (below).
I’ll post a voting thread tomorrow.
Click here to read all entries.
I’ve given up on trying to get Blogger’s Expandable Post feature to work — hence the link out :o(
D.
This is important!
Two contestants are over the word limit: LingualX (205) and d. (291). If you want to be eligible for the vote, please respond to this post with the edited version of your entry.
For the contest, I want to use Blogger’s “Read More!” feature (expandable post). I’ve followed the instructions, but it’s putting the “Read More!” blurb on all my posts. THIS IS NOT DESIRABLE. The FAQ makes it look like I can decide which posts have the “Read More!” What am I doing wrong?
For now, I’m going to change my “Read More!” to “Don’t click here.”
Out here, the Discovery Health Channel will be playing “Fourteen Children and Pregnant Again” tomorrow night. Karen and I will get to see the Duggar swarm for ourselves. Needless to say, if I see anything bloggable, you’ll be the first to know.
Think I’ve already milked the Duggar cow dry? (I love that image.) Think again. Look at what Rodney Dangerfield did with respect.
D.