Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Blogwhoring
Because Steve says it a hell of a lot better than I can
I can’t be funny about the mess this country is in, and I can’t rant about it half as well as Steve Gilliard can.
While you’re at it, check out the masterful coverage Jeff Huber has provided today.
Karen, thank heavens, handles the political thinnin’ around here, so I don’t have to.
If you are in the ever-shrinking minority that thinks Mister Bush is doing a fine job, don’t bother following these links. Just keep your head in the sand.
D.
Whussup?
I’m still a bit under the weather (note to self: bad idea to blow off blood pressure meds for a week), so here’s a quickie. What’s up with all my links?
Over at Ishbadiddle, there’s a link debunking the Christopher Walken presidency bid. Bunch of kill joys; next thing you know, they’ll be saying that the John Cusack for President campaign is phony, too.
More political commentary: Jeff Huber updates us (More Dubya Talk) on the latest Rovewellian Newspeak, and Jurassic Pork contemplates the future of the Red vs. Blue fracas in Crawford, Texas (“So we have in the red corner . . . trailer park white trash whose wives and kids go to the same pediatrician” — hee hee). At HuffPost, Cindy Sheehan responds to the latest right wing smears and reports on the right’s cross-and-flag desecration yesterday.
What are my new romance buddies up to? The Bitches and friends are having an interesting discussion on how to sustain unresolved sexual tension in a novel. (I solved it thus: my giant spider, Bare Rump, keeps kicking the shit out of my giant fly, Argh, in order to save his life. At one point, Argh tries to repay the favor. He clobbers Bare Rump on the head with a heavy stone, hoping to knock her out so he can climb on top of her to protect her from flying vermin. Bare Rump’s response: “Ow.” Guess ya had to be there.)
My future harem queen Kate Rothwell is having a vagina monologue over at her blog, and Beth has been holding forth on scones, phones, and answering machines. My exceptionally tall pal Debi wonders which words drive traffic to your blog. Guess what, Deb: tantric sex doesn’t do it. And Maureen, where the heck on your blog is your tantric sex reference? Oh, great, that’s three tantric sex references in one paragraph! Anyway, Maureen, I added myself to your cool world map. Where can I get one?
Elsewhere, my favorite dominatrix Gabriele is having a bad hair day, and Demented Michelle proves yet again that she’s one of my psychic twins by blogging on Dunkin Donuts on the very day I went off my diet with (cue Outer Limits theremin music) DONUTS!
In case you’re wondering if I only hang out with girls, Pat is cooking beef stew while listening to Rob Zombie, and Wenlock is haunting the moors.
Last but not least, Paperback Writer is back in business!
I’ve undoubtedly overlooked a number of you. Feel free to promote yourselves shamelessly in the comments.
Tomorrow, if I’m up to it: my dark history as a child actor.
D.
Pulpy Goodness
Check out the first chapter of Smart Bitch Candy’s serialized novel, The Book of Angels.
Candy is only a few thousand words into this, but she has already given us a ball-busting heroine, an eldritch book used for summoning the elder gods, one dwarf-snuffing, and one ninja demon-killer, with the promise of some serious demon foo soon to come.
Who needs literature?!
The Political Bedfellows list grows longer
Newest additions to the family:
Yep, Another Goddamned Blog, wherein author Jurassicpork skewers the skewer-worthy in today’s Assclowns of the Week awards ceremony. Make sure you scroll down to his Thursday post on Unintelligent Design — that Planet of the Apes pic is priceless.
In The News Blog, Steve & Jen fight the good fight deconstructing the daily news.
The Actual Bedfellows list remains unchanged, but I suspect that’s how Karen would prefer to have it.
I was up late last night playing doctor, so this is what ya get, fiends. LINKS. This is also the first weekend in ages when I haven’t worked on my novel, but that may not be such a bad thing. Get a life, and all that. (Although I’m not sure seven hours at the fair is what you’d call living.)
D.
Smart Bitches like me. Just ask my wife.
Who’d a thunk some hot tarantula action would have scored such a hit on the blogosphere. On Monday, Paperback Writer gave me a shout, and Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels did too! Thanks to Gabriele for pointing out that last one to me.
If any of you newbies are wondering why the hell I haven’t written about sex in the last several days, don’t worry. It’s never that far from my mind. (But remember: my sister reads this blog, and I don’t want to totally gross her out.)
D.
The horehound! The horehound!
From Likely Stories, enter the dark world of CHOCOLYPSE NOW.
Have I ranted here about autistic fiction? That’s when your story means the world to you and nothing to anyone else. Phrased differently, you have an audience of 1.
I’ve written the stuff. Be honest — so have you.
D.
Friday: My day to be Technorati’s bitch
Because Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds is science fiction (I’m into a very liberal usage of terminology), and because the link that follows is funny as hell, and because Friday is my day to be Technorati’s love monkey (andTechnorati sez War of the Worlds is hot discussion foo right now),
The link will take you to one of the funniest movie spoilers I’ve ever read. And since it’s Spielberg, does anyone really care about spoilers?
Okay, Technorati. Come get me, big fella: War of the Worlds
D.
Google Earth: the Earth is down, chums
Enter-finger-twitchy downloaders will have to wait for their free copy of Google Earth, Google’s new software toy designed to provide you with satellite images of our planet:
The whole world is covered with medium resolution imagery and terrain data. This resolution allows you to see major geographic features and man-made development such as towns, but not detail of individual buildings. Additional high-resolution imagery which reveals detail for individual buildings is available for most of the major cities in the US, Western Europe, Canada, and the UK. 3D buildings are represented in 38 US cities (the major urban areas).
I suspect this may be sufficient resolution so that you, too, can discover the next Amarna, which you have to admit would be way cool, but not enough resolution to allow you to figure out if your neighbor’s boobs are real. Oh, well.
As it stands, however, this nifty freeware’s attainability ranks somewhere between cold fusion and time travel:
Google Earth downloads temporarily delayed
Thanks for your interest in Google Earth, but we’re sorry we can’t offer you a download right now. As you know, Google Earth is in beta, and we’re still building out our ability to take on new users. We’re making good progress, and expect to be able to accept new downloads shortly, so we recommend you check back daily at earth.google.com. We hope to be able to welcome you and other new planet surfers soon.
We appreciate your patience,
The Google Earth Team
Stay tuned.
***
Has anyone seen the cover art for the July 4th issue of The New Yorker? Sadly, I can’t find a link for you on this. You’ll just have to check your friendly neighborhood magazine vendor, or settle for my description.
Title: “Party of One”
Artist: frequent New Yorker contributor Barry Blitt
Content: Uncle Sam, cheeks red with embarrassment, sits alone in a room decorated with balloons and red and blue streamers. The table is set with red- and blue-themed party hats, cups, and plates, and a great big Happy Birthday! cake sits before poor Sam. The chairs are all empty.
Sorry to get all political on you guys, but this image struck me as surprisingly incisive. The expression on Sam’s face — sad, petulant, humiliated — makes you want to give him a hug. It’s okay, Sammy. Maybe next year, your friends will come.
We can hope.
D.
Technorati tags: google earth
The New Yorker
Blog Watch
Demented Michelle has a fine post today (Wednesday) on the benefits of blogging:
I firmly believe, beyond attending conventions, one of the best networking mediums available to aspiring authors is blogging.
She goes on to give a number of great tips on boosting traffic to your blog. Check it out.
In case you haven’t visited The Dark Cabal yet, they’re an anonymous group of SF aficionados who write intelligently about what they’ve been reading. They also engage in the occasional rant. In today’s post, Safe Light has some thoughtful observations on Richard Bowes’ Theres a Hole in the City, published in scifi.com. Bowes has responded in the comments, and even editor Ellen Datlow couldn’t restrain herself from, erm, doing a bit of editing.
Guess I better watch my mouth around there.
D.
Scott Savol Exxxplicit Photos
John Scalzi’s blog today made me realize something: Karen and I don’t often say “I love you” to one another. Even when we were dating, one of us always managed to undercut the mood. Candlelight dinner, red wine, rack of lamb —
“Hey! My gawd, we’re having a romantic moment.”
“No, really? How did that happen?”
If I can allow myself to be truthful for one moment, here are the sweet nothings we repeat to one another nowadays:
Doug: Fix this.
Karen: You have no shame.
Ah, the sweet sound of honesty. You have no shame. Hence today’s title, Scott Savol Exxxplicit Photos. Hmm. Maybe I need a link to Scott Savol to really clinch the deal. Here’s a cute mugshot. And here are the Exxplicit Photos I promised.
Thanks to Demented Michelle for this idea. She told me she saw a substantial leap in blog traffic when she mentioned Savol. Failed bench scientist that I am, I feel compelled to test her theory.
Now that I have you all here, I’d like to point out a new link on my right margin. Click on the title below the ’59 T-Bird, and you will be led to my favorite published short story, “The Mechanic”.
Warning: it’s crime fiction, which you would soon have figured out from the URL. Didn’t want you SF fans to keep expecting an alien to pop up.
Crime Scene Scotland didn’t pay me a penny for this story. Told you I was a slut.
D.