Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Blogwhoring
Stamper’s paradise
This one’s for my sister. (For the rest of my readers, skim through to the end. I won’t disappoint you.)
I missed her birthday this week, which I would like to say is a rare occurrence, but my memory says otherwise. I remembered to call (see? there have been worse years) but it’s still rather slovenly to forget like this. I mean, she never forgets my birthday, or Jake’s. (more…)
Quick shout (politics)
. . . to Jeff Huber for a fine run-down of the Friday news. Thanks to NaNoWriMo and that other time-consuming November activity, MyDamnedJob-o, I don’t get to surf the news as much as I would like. Thanks to Jeff, I don’t have to!
High points:
*Pennsylvania Congressman John Murtha, a Vietnam vet and retired Marine colonel, has called for the withdrawal of all American troops within the next six months. Speaker Dennis Hastert’s response:
“They would prefer that the United States surrender to terrorists who would harm innocent Americans,” Mr. Hastert said.
Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of squawking chickenhawks. Read the NY Times story here. While you’re at it, check out Jurassic Pork’s commentary, too.
*Renewal of the Orwellian Patriot Act may not see smooth sailing, thanks to a possible Democratic filibuster. We have Russ Feingold to thank for this (from the NY Times story):
“This is worth the fight,” Senator Russell D. Feingold, a Wisconsin Democrat who serves on the Judiciary Committee, said in an interview.
“I’ve cleared my schedule right up to Thanksgiving,” Mr. Feingold said, adding that he was making plans to read aloud from the Bill of Rights as part of a filibuster if necessary.
Go for it, Senator Feingold! Hell, make all the bastards miss Turkey Day. It’s worth it, all right.
***
Shout for my wife:
Karen has written an interesting post on her late father’s rather odd past. His life story seems like something out of Vonnegut (a la Mother Night) or John Irving. Check it out.
D.
Who’s my fugwy wittle Secwetawy of State, hmm?
Props to Pat for finding the Condoleeza Rice is Ugly blog. The goal of this site:
“Here at Condoleeza Rice Is Ugly, we feel that our Secretary of State has received far less parody and hostility than other major players in the Bush adminstration. The time has come to mock with equality.”
An honorable purpose indeed, and yet I fear this blog will bring out the trolls, racists, and misogynists of the ‘osphere. Condoleeza Rice is Ugly seems to invite the Least Common Denominator of humor. For that reason alone, I’m going to reserve judgment. As you all know, I like my humor to be witty to the point of erudition.
And that is why, for my contribution, I made a poopy joke.
D.
Technorati tag: Condoleeza Rice, humor
I’ll take a winged Eros, please
You think I’m lazy? Me, lazy? We did this last night:
The Piledriver from Sexual Positions Free.Com
. . . and we used real wooden mannequins.
Somehow, sex looks more fun when genitalia-free mannequins get it on. Rent the uncut version of Team America and tell me I’m wrong.
D.
Schwarzenegger Street, or, Meet the Muppets
From new pal YesButNoButYes, who found it at BoingBoing, check out Schwarzenegger Street.
California, what were you thinking? If you wanted an actor in the Governor’s seat, you should have picked Gary Coleman. Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Ahnold?
Just kidding — Coleman’s political beliefs fell to the far right of Arnold’s. An oil rig or three off every beach, a gun in every household, that sort of thing.
How about John Cusack for gov? An aside: I’m looking forward to seeing Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton in the screen adaptation of Scott Phillips’s gem of a novel, Ice Harvest.
D.
Harriet Miers, WIP
Withdraw in peace, Harriet. You’ve been a trooper from day one; with your blog, you have faithfully kept us posted as to your struggles.
Harriet Miers, Dubya’s A-number-one fan and top pick to be the new kid on the Supreme Court block, withdrew her name today. Yahoo News has a neat quote from Senator Trent Lott: “Let’s move on. In a month, who will remember the name Harriet Miers?”
D.
It’s a fv(king extravaganza!
Your dose of puerility for the day.
From the Jammy Blog, one of my link exchange partners, comes this link to an instructive video on the word fuck. This should help all you writers remember the difference between a transitive and intransitive verb.
While you’re at it, check out Jammy’s photos demonstrating why you shouldn’t fuck with your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.
D.
Arsenic for Type A personalities
Curses, Jurassic Pork! I didn’t need to see this link, which offers a gizmo telling you how much your blog is worth.
What’s his algorithm? That’s what I want to know. Is it a function of incoming links, hits per day, or what?
Meanwhile, Karen wants to know:
How do you cash in? The kitchen still needs countertops!
Candy, your site has me beat about 6:1, no surprise. Yup, that’s my yardstick of success — the Smart Bitches.
D.
IIPM is listening
The Indian Institute of Planning and Management (IIPM) story, detailed in full at expressindia.com, has dominated Technorati’s “top searches” board for over a week.
It’s pissing me off. How do you create humorous riffs on an acronym?
Alzheimer’s victim Judith Miller, best known as John Tierney‘s love slave, well, she’s a walking joke. The latest: Judith Miller will be leading the planned Nazi march in Toledo.
I’m kidding. As for Judy Miller‘s memory loss, I wish I were kidding. If that were a joke, it would be in extremely poor taste. Here in the New York Times, she has the nerve to claim she forgot her source. The woman has the credibility of Fletcher Reede.
Awright, awright, that’s enough whoring for the weekend. If I do any more of this, I’ll end up with testalgia. Ask Beth, she knows what it means.
D.
Harriet Miers has a blog, Michelle Duggar fulfills her destiny yet again, & more linkage
File this under: Damn, why didn’t I think of that first?
I’ve been pissing myself laughing for the last half hour reading the Harriet Miers blog. For you non-Americans, Harriet Miers is Dubya’s most recent pick for U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Her main qualification seems to be her near total lack of qualifications. But who knew she had a blog?
Elsewhere in the political humor realm: Jurassic Pork has hatched a great meme in today’s President Magoo post. Bush as Magoo: blindness explains a great deal. JP’s Assclowns of the Week (yesterday’s post) is a fine read, too.
Note to any newbies: I’m a Berkeley boy, and my political leanings are a bit to the left of Ted Kennedy. If you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum, don’t bother to follow those links. It’ll only piss you off.
The next ones are filed under: Hey, that ain’t funny, that’s serious!
My beloved added to her blog last night with Burning Bush (sorry, no sexual double entendres there).
Last but not least, if any of you haven’t checked out Jeff Huber’s blog Pen and Sword, today’s post is excellent: Taking Back Our Country.
I’m not feeling terribly creative tonight. I had to run in to the hospital at 3:30 AM to take care of an emergency, so I’m feeling a wee bit post-call. I really really hope my patient doesn’t give me a repeat performance tonight, for her sake and mine.
Today is Yom Kippur. There’s a Jewish concept, pikuakh nefesh, which means “to save a soul”. It’s a great loophole for doctors. It means we can work on holidays and the Sabbath if we’re saving lives, because life is more important than the law (which is to say, The Law).
If you’re a regular here, you know what a half-assed Jew I am. While I might be able to justify working on Yom Kippur, I can’t justify fressing all day. It would take a lawyer of Talmudic proportions to claim I had to eat those coconut-covered brownies to keep up my strength, right? Right.
Half-assed or full-assed, I’m aware of the holiday nonetheless, and atonement is on my mind. I’d thought about blogging on my inability to let go of grudges, which I suspect is one of my nastier sins. I may still do that some day soon. Consider it a belated Yom Kippur post. For now, I’m more focused on eating dinner, waiting the requisite three hours, and then going to sleep.
Have I mentioned that I’m thinking of NaNoWriMoing? I’d like to blame it on peer pressure, but to be truthful, I’d rather be writing new stuff than editing my BFN (Big Fat Novel, which sounds a whole lot less stuck-up than magnum opus).
Anyone else doing the NaNoWriMo shuffle? We ought to cheer each other on.
Michelle Duggar, she of the iron uterus, popped today. Remember the Duggars? Johanna Faith Duggar is number sixteen. From the Seattle Post Intelligencer article (Intelligencer. WTF kinda word is that?):
“Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter “J”: Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah.”
Look carefully at that list: Janna, Joy-Anna, Johannah. They’re not even trying to come up with unique J names for their girls.
Reminds me of our friend Kira, who used to call her parents “parental units”. I think the Duggars need to be honest and call their daughters “reproductive unit [number]”, in which case Johanna Faith is reproductive unit 6. Oops, I mean 7. I forgot Mrs. Duggar — she’s not done yet!
D,