Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Blogwhoring
Morning wake-up call
PBW’s post pointed me towards The Generator Blog, which in turn led me to Atom Smasher’s Graffiti Generator, which allowed me to produce this:
which means I must have more politics than sex on my mind at the moment. How odd!
Make sure you don’t miss out on The Machine, too (see my last post) — another great toy.
D.
PS: As long as you’re wasting time, why not play the Dick Cheney Quail Hunting Game?
Why is Bush so awesome?
Major tip of the hat to Jellio at YesButNoButYes for this hilarious video.
Okay. Now I can get to sleep with a smile on my face. G’night.
D.
Your morning bwaahahahahaha
The BEAST brings us the 50 Most Loathesome People in America of 2005, including a special punishment for each one. Warning: if you think George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are great, wise, and wonderful human beings, stay away from this list.
This BEAST article may be old news, but I just discovered it this morning, by — how else? — snooping around Technorati.
My take? Michelle Malkin deserves to be much higher in the list than #49; Michael Brown and Scooter Libby got off too easy; Terry Schiavo — cheap shot, not funny; most chilling entry: #4; person most conspicuously absent from the list: Tim Russert. I mean, really. They put Geraldo Rivera on the list, but not Russert? Rivera’s a has-been.
Okay, Hoffman, stop goofing off and get to work.
D.
Will Gabriele or Darla . . .
please come over here and tell me about the significance of Du Bist Deutschland and klowände?
They are both top search terms at Technorati, but I can’t find much of an explanation in English. I feel so out of the loop.
D.
Phone call for Al Coholic
Hat tip to Sean Coon for this great slam on Bill O’Reilly.
If, like me, you’re slow . . . check out the correspondent’s name.
For more help, check this site.
D.
Various and Sundry
The lovely and Demented Michelle is giving away two signed copies of Maureen McHugh’s Mothers and Other Monsters. Hurry on over and throw your name into the virtual hat.
Thanks to Blue Gal for cluing me in that the faux Alan Rickman and Mel Gibson now have competition from the Pope himself. Go, Joey the Ratz! Think I’ll ask Professor Snape to go say hi, and Bare Rump, too, if she’s up to it. (Note added: done and done. They both replied to His Holiness’s Holy Sweat post.)
In the last few days, Fanatic Cook has written several fine posts about the value of omega-3 fatty acids and the hazards of getting them from fish, mercury levels in fish and shellfish, and alternate sources of omega-3s. Since one of my New Years resolutions is to lose weight and eat healthier, I greatly appreciated Fanatic’s posts.
As long as I’m in “public service announcement” mode, please be on the lookout for the following wanted criminal. If you decide to attempt a citizen’s arrest, please be warned: he doesn’t go anywhere without a small army of dark-suited thugs.
From glassgiant.com.
D.
Breakfast sausage
. . . the kind that come in links.
Pat brings us a spectacular link from the Space Telescope Science Institute/ESA. So many beautiful images here, I don’t know where to begin. Make sure you check out the Cat’s Eye Nebula. Here’s the Orion Nebula (per the site, okay for public use provided we give attribution to STSci/ESA):
In case you missed yesterday’s discussion in the comments, Mel Gibson is threatening to sue Mel Gibson. Head on over there and offer your support — and advice, too, if you happen to be a lawyer. Jesus’ General has lent a helping hand by reprinting a letter from an Angel of the Lord (Avenging, First Class) to the real Mel. Seems Jesus is none too happy with The Passion, and when Jesus is unhappy . . .
firedoglake gives us the latest in Bill O’Reilly photoshopping goodness. Think Chippendale’s.
Have you missed the fuss over Kate O’Beirne’s book, Women Who Make the World Worse? Ms. (I just know she would love that Ms.) O’Beirne’s diatribe against feminism is taking it in the pink lace panties over at Amazon thanks to the efforts of Jesus’ General, Crooks and Liars, firedoglake, and others. Even the New York Times Book Review (Ana Marie Cox in the January 15 NYTBR) slammed her book, although politely:
Feminism isn’t always pretty (see: underarm hair). Without it, however, Kate O’Beirne would have been unlikely to have this book published — and most women would not have their own money to waste on it.
Guess I should try and get some work done today. Don’t forget to watch Jon Stewart’s and Ed Helms’s taint routine over at Crooks and Liars, and if you missed my post yesterday on Fractales, scroll down a few centimeters and keep reading.
D.
Smell the taint
I haven’t blogged about sex in ages. Kate has shamed me into it. Blame her.
Jon Stewart had me in tears tonight. He played straight man to Ed Helms’s extended double entendre on the ‘taint in Washington.’ If I can find a link to the video tomorrow, I’ll post it here.
Here it is, at Crooks and Liars. Enjoy the taint — it’s there to give you pleasure, after all.
Hmm? What’s the taint? Oh, you know what the taint is — it’s the gooch, the durf, the chode, the grundel. Must I explain everything?
By the way: if the odd hand gesture at the end of that skit looked unfamiliar to you, don’t check the Urban Dictionary for shocker, especially if you’re the kind of person who is easily offended by graphic descriptions of off-the-beaten-track sexual practices. I’m warning you, don’t do it.
And if you do, I can’t be held accountable.
In other breaking news, CNN.com reports that an African grey parrot cued his owner in to the fact that his girlfriend had cheated on him with a guy named Gary:
The African grey parrot kept squawking “I love you, Gary” as his owner, Chris Taylor, sat with girlfriend Suzy Collins on the sofa of their shared flat in Leeds, northern England.
But when Taylor saw Collins’s embarrassed reaction, he realized she had been having an affair — meeting her lover in the flat whilst Ziggy looked on, the UK’s Press Association reported.
Ziggy even mimicked Collins’s voice each time she answered her telephone, calling out “Hiya Gary,” according to newspaper reports.
Having sex with some other guy in her #1 boyfriend’s flat? That is low. No wonder Chris Taylor has made certain that everyone else in Leeds (and the world) will know, and tremble at, the name SUZY COLLINS.
Can you tell I ain’t got bupkes tonight?
Feeling cruddy, whine, whine. All I want is to take a shower and go lie down.
See you tomorrow, fiends.
D.
Note to self:
. . . put this guy on your blogroll. And not just because he posts about spider-sex. It’s because I still have a thang for Lois.
D.
Speaking of religion . . .
Props to Jellio at YesButNoButYes for finding this campaign site for Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, candidate for Governor of Minnesota in 2006:
I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.
Thanks for sharing.
I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy.
Hmm. That’ll win you some votes.
Why does he call himself “The Impaler”? From his platform:
Any one found committing an act of terrorism in Minnesota will be IMPALED by me at the State Capital. If the US DOJ wants to prosecute me for it, then I will take my chances in Court, for I do not believe an American Jury will convict me of brutally killing a terrorist!
I think this fellow is for real. The site goes on too long, with far too much unfunny material, for it to be anything but real.
So: Kate might give you fur burgers and camel toes this morning, but only I give you vampiric politicians!
Then again, you could just turn on CSPAN.
D.