Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: The Fearful Meme
What kind of Muffin are you?
You are a Cartoon Muffin! You have a great sense
of humour and a quirky way of looking at
things. We always think you are joking, but
we’re never quite sure.
What kind of muffin are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Be forewarned: if you read all possible responses to the questions, I can’t vouch for the safety of your keyboard. Vomit, you know. Bad for delicate electronics.
One of these days when I have nothing but oodles of time on my hands, I’m going to author my own Quizilla quiz. The possibilities are endless. What kind of heathen are you? Or: What deadly sin are you? Or, my favorite: What kind of sexually transmitted disease are you? What do you think?
In preparation for Discovery Health Channel’s airing of that H.P. Lovecraft classic, The Duggar Horror — ah, excuse me, I mean 14 Children and Pregnant Again, I have put up a link to my Muffin Saga under This Week’s Favorites. We’re watching it Right The Fuck Now. And oh. My. God. Is it ever cutesy-pie.
***
I learned something fascinating from our town’s Red Cross director (at least, I think he’s our director; we weren’t introduced). He was deployed to Louisiana for the Katrina disaster. He told us lots of fun stories (like the one about the sheriff who hijacked a Red Cross food shipment at gunpoint, only to be arrested for theft hours later), but here’s the interesting bit:
Louisiana didn’t give out any temporary licensures to out-of-state volunteer physicans, nor did FEMA. WTF??? Over thirty thousand docs signed up to volunteer. Did the State or Federal governments make use of any of these volunteers?
I asked him if there were enough local physicians to cover the need. His response: “What local physicians?”
Go figure.
We need national licensure for physicians. If that’s too radical, we need some way to cut the bullshit red tape that keeps volunteers from volunteering. This is ridiculous.
D.
This should surprise no one.
My Drag Queen Name is Monica Chan.
Take The Drag Queen Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey‘s Name Generator Generator.
If you’re really cool about it, and if you get me drunk first, I’ll even show you the pictures.
D.
A joyous blog meme; Jake & Doug’s near death experience
Gabriele has tagged me. Now we’re even.
This one looks kinda fun . . .
A blog meme with fangs
Candy, my second favorite smart bitch (sorry, Candy, but my wife takes the cake on this one), has tagged me with a blog meme. Here are the rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas…
5. Tag five people to do the same.
My twenty-third blog, “And you thought Metallica was a head-banger band“, concerned the history of the tarantula Poechilotheria metallica. (Beth alert! Don’t click that link!) Here’s the fifth sentence:
A bloke named Hendriks braved Bengal tigers, heavily armed Indian outlaws, and worst of all, the Indian Customs Export Bureau to take seven tarantulas back to Europe.
If I may be permitted a few liberties with the deconstruction, I hazard that ‘Hendriks’ is, here, symbolic of Everyman, Everyman in the Kierkegaardian sense, that is to say, Kierkegaard post-Derrida, and the ‘Bengal tigers’ are intended as Jungian shadows, or perhaps a masculinized version of the Triple Goddess. One might conclude that the ‘Indian Customs Export Bureau’ was Hoffman’s way of invoking the Freudian superego, but one would be erroneous. Rather, the ‘Indian Customs Export Bureau’ is a figment of an unfathomable Fahrvergnügen-deprived zeitgeist, an ersatz Bildungsroman as it were, and should be viewed in the context of the author’s angst regarding his recent unsuccessful attempt at autoerotic asphyxiation.
Lastly, what are we to make of the ‘seven tarantulas’ taken ‘back to Europe’? Taking into consideration the author’s Hebraic roots, we note that ‘seven’ is Yahweh’s special number signifying perfection and completion (e.g., Leviticus 23: 23-25). Yet a perusal of Hoffman’s personal library reveals a well-thumbed copy of T.E. Lawrence’s The Seven Pillars of Wisdom, and so the ‘seven tarantulas’ may signify his latent desire to bugger boys in the desert. That Hoffman has an extensive William S. Burroughs collection would only seem to corroborate this hypothesis, and ‘back to Europe’ might be rearranged, to wit, ‘European backdoor’, with obvious implications.
In summary, Hoffman, for all his heterosexual rantings, was, here, outing himself “in code”.
On the other hand, he may have been sharing a fun bit of tarantula lore.
I tag: Gabriele, Beth, Debi, Maureen, and Christine.
Oops! I want Demented Michelle in that group, too. Yeah, yeah, I know I can’t count.
D.
How weird is this?
Thanks to Rae for giving me this sugar load for the morning. Strange thing is (as Debi and Maureen know, but I’m not sure about the rest of y’all), my novel is all about oversized, too-intelligent-for-their-own-good parakeets. With, um, arms and hands instead of wings. Anyway . . .
This popular bird is kept as a pet in homes all over the world. Originating from Australia, parakeets like warm weather and lots of seeds and fruit. They are also known for being messy and quite loud! But you cannot look at one without falling in love.
You were almost a: Monkey or a Kitten
You are least like a: Turtle or a DucklingTake the Cute Animal Test!
What’s your perversion?
Know what’s really weird? Karen and I have the exact same perversion:
You sick bastard….but it’s soooo good.
What’s your sexual perversion?
Created by ptocheia
D.
Thanks for the tips, folks
I appreciate all the input you’ve given me regarding Jake’s curriculum. I knew I could count on you.
I had a longer day in the OR than I thought, so I’m going to fall back on this little snippet of fluff I wrote last night. More later, maybe. I must exercise.
Since I’m in the OR today, this is all you get for the morning. Bare Rump took her test last night. Check it out.
Interestingly, I had an easier time answering for Bare Rump than I did for myself. What the hell does that mean?
D.
| Clark Gable You scored 9% Tough, 28% Roguish, 38% Friendly, and 23% Charming! |
| You’re a pretty interesting guy, all man but approachable and friendly. You like the lovely ladies, but you’re also a real stand up guy with a true sense of honor and duty. You’re respected by most men, although they probably wouldn’t trust you alone with their girlfriends and even wives. Women find you intriguing, drawn to your playful sense of fun and true-blue core. You think most women are rather silly, but strong dames with smarts really turn you on, and you tend to marry them. Leading ladies include Claudette Colbert and Vivien Leigh, women who find you somewhat charming but a little dangerous.Find out what kind of classic dame you’d make by taking the Classic Dames Test. |
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