Category Archives: such as it is


If only Karen liked flowers

Home } Blogwhoring } If only Karen liked flowers

It doesn’t get much more clever than this.

The kind folks at SaveMyAss will mail your sweetie flowers on all the major dates, and send her flowers randomly every four to six weeks:

If you’re a successful professional whose career demands the bulk of your time, you know the situation. You want her to be happy, but work keeps you so busy… and maybe you’re just not as good at being romantic as you’d like to be. Imagine how she’d feel if you sent her flowers on a regular basis. Sign up for this service once, and we’ll take care of the rest.

I wonder. If I asked nicely, would they send Karen tarantulas instead?

Hat tip to Ishbadiddle.

D.

, February 18, 2006. Category: Blogwhoring, such as it is.

Morning wake-up call

Home } Blogwhoring } Morning wake-up call

PBW’s post pointed me towards The Generator Blog, which in turn led me to Atom Smasher’s Graffiti Generator, which allowed me to produce this:

which means I must have more politics than sex on my mind at the moment. How odd!

Make sure you don’t miss out on The Machine, too (see my last post) — another great toy.

D.

PS: As long as you’re wasting time, why not play the Dick Cheney Quail Hunting Game?

, February 15, 2006. Category: Blogwhoring, such as it is.

You know the creepiest thing about Cheney’s hunting ‘accident’?

Home } such as it is } You know the creepiest thing about Cheney’s hunting ‘accident’?

I predicted it in my trilogy-in-progress.

Sure, in my version it wasn’t the Vice-President involved, but the President, his sons, and some security guys. And they weren’t human, but birds. With, um, arms instead of wings. And they weren’t hunting birds (not intentionally, anyway) but giant killer centipedes. And the outcome was quite a bit bloodier than what happened to Harry Whittington.

Other than that, I nailed it, nailed it cold. Life imitates art.

D.

Technorati tag:

, February 13, 2006. Category: such as it is, Writer's Life.

We have a winner!

Home } such as it is } We have a winner!

Shelbi wins the drawing. Congratulations!

Thank you, all of you who played. That was a delightful bit of self-stroking for me. If you missed out, don’t feel bad — I’ll have another contest in April when I hit the one year mark.

Shelbi, email me at azureus at harborside (dot) com, and send me your snail mail addie. If you would rather have a gift certificate than Borges’s Collected Fictions, let me know.

Thanks again, everyone.

D.

, February 2, 2006. Category: such as it is.

Funny thing is

Home } such as it is } Funny thing is

I own a Miata, which is almost the spittin’ image of this car (except for color).

I’m a Honda S2000!

You live on the edge, and you live for the adrenaline rush. You don’t need luxuries, snob appeal, or superfluous gadgets. You put your top down, get your motor revving, and take all the curves that life throws at you at full speed. So what if you spin out occasionally?

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

I found this quiz at Dean’s place.

By the way: don’t forget to enter my 500th Post Giveaway, if you haven’t done so already.

D.

, February 1, 2006. Category: such as it is, The Fearful Meme.

Too cute not to share

Home } Food } Too cute not to share

With this morning’s mail, I received a card from one of my patients. She doubles as my surrogate grandma. Here’s her note:

Dear Dr. Hoffman,

When I think of you . . .
“Appreciation” comes in view.
Thank you for your care.
Sending medical samples is kinda rare,
But then, so is a doctor
who can serve up
a wickedly delicious “Latker!”*

P.S. My Yiddish is kind of kiddish.

*Okay, you have to love this forced rhyme: doctor and ‘latker’. She’s referring to my potato pancakes (latkes). Here’s the recipe.

No one has ever written me a poem before.

D.

, January 31, 2006. Category: Food, such as it is, The Barbarous Craft.

Will Gabriele or Darla . . .

Home } Blogwhoring } Will Gabriele or Darla . . .

please come over here and tell me about the significance of and ?

They are both top search terms at Technorati, but I can’t find much of an explanation in English. I feel so out of the loop.

D.

, January 27, 2006. Category: Blogwhoring, such as it is.

Textbook question

Home } such as it is } Textbook question

File under: shamelessly soliciting (advice)

I’d like to buy a good college biology textbook for my son. My textbook was wonderful, but it also has a 1980 pub date. That might work for math or physics, but biology changes faster than that (especially phylogenetics . . . 1980 is pre-Archaebacteria, if I’m not mistaken).

I’d also like to buy him an American History textbook, high school or college level.

As long as I’m on this topic, we’re going to get to European History after American History — any suggestions for that?

Thanks, folks.

D.

, January 13, 2006. Category: such as it is.

That was green eggs and ham . . .

Home } such as it is } That was green eggs and ham . . .



Not green ham and eggs.

D.

, January 12, 2006. Category: such as it is.

It’s a little early for Halloween . . .

Home } such as it is } It’s a little early for Halloween . . .

. . . but what the hell!

CNN.com: Mummified Body Found in Front of TV

Quote:

Johannas Pope had told her live-in caregiver that she didn’t want to be buried and planned on returning after she died, Hamilton County Coroner O’Dell Owens said Monday.

Pope died in August 2003 at age 61. Her body was found last week in the upstairs of her home on a quiet street.

Her daughter and granddaughter lived downstairs. They and Ms. Pope’s caregiver all believed she would come back to life.

I think I can forgive the three-year-old granddaughter for thinking that, but the other two?

Here’s how to make a mummy, circa 2006. Prop dead body in front of TV. Leave the air conditioner running — forever. Enter room occasionally to spray body with Lysol.

Don’t let the air conditioner breakdown, ‘cuz guess what, folks — that’s how the neighbors figured it out.

D.

, January 10, 2006. Category: such as it is.
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