Balls and Walnuts
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Mu Mu’s secret message
Yesterday, the New York times featured a story on Mu Mu, self-described “party-girl” and author of China’s most popular blog. The 25-year-old goes on to say,
“I don’t know if I can be counted as a successful Web cam dance girl,” that early post continued. “But I’m sure that looking around the world, if I am not the one with the highest diploma, I am definitely the dance babe who reads the most and thinks the deepest, and I’m most likely the only party member among them.”
Go Mu Mu — that’s what the blogosphere is saying. Given China’s notorious reputation vis a vis human rights, Mu Mu seems like a breath of fresh air.
. . . Or is she? (more…)
Moore’s Absolute Watchmen: a review
In the November 20 New York Times Book Review, Dave Itzkoff has written an excellent review of the Watchmen reissue, Absolute Watchmen. Read it online.
FYI: this oversized hardcover edition includes “preliminary notes of the illustrator Dave Gibbons . . . script pages, the original series proposal and other long-unavailable material,” but it’ll also set you back $75.
D.
The Joy of Duck
Guess what we had for dinner tonight.
Will someone please tell me what they’ve done to this bird? I’m imagining CIA interrogators at one of our Eastern European prisons (one of the ones that doesn’t exist) :
Tell us al Qaeda’s next target.
Quack!
Dimitri — use the nipple electrodes.
Quaaaack!
Yes, I know ducks don’t have nipples. (more…)
Writer’s kid with demonic cats
From left to right: Jake, Emerald, and Melantha.
One of these days, I’ll figure out how to use this damned digital camera.
The Science Fiction Top 10
Over at the Science Fiction Writing Yahoo group, folks are posting their top ten favorite SF novels. This was a toughie; how could I leave out Vance (Demon Princes), and Varley, and Zelazny, oh my? But I have to start somewhere. I reserve the right to yank my choices when Pat J. inevitably comes along and sez, “But you forgot . . .”
Silverberg’s To Live Again, that’ll be the first to go.
Here’s my (current, soon to change) top 10 list. NOVELS, mind you. We’ll do short stories some other day (Varley’s “Bagatelle” — number one — read it now!) Here we go, in no particular order:
1. Frederick Pohl’s Gateway. Hop in an alien ship, pre-programmed to take you to your violent death, hideous lingering disease, or fantastic treasures. It’s a crap shoot every time. Sure, the computer shrink gets on my nerves to this very day, but the harsh realities of Gateway itself more than makes up for Sigmund.
2. Joe Haldeman’s The Forever War. This is one of my favorite anti-war novels. Maybe it isn’t as famous or as funny as Catch-22, but I like it much better. Clean writing, great story, great message.
3. Jonathan Lethem’s Gun, with Occasional Music. Metcalf is a futuristic gumshoe with an evolved kangaroo after him. This is THE best marriage of Raymond Chandler with science fiction, bar none.
4. Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash. Computer nerd as Samurai hero; listen to Reason. Nuff said.
5. Peter Hoeg’s Smilla’s Sense of Snow. Smilla’s only friend is a six-year-old boy who lives in her apartment complex. When he dies, she refuses to believe it’s an accident.
The ending makes it SF, but Smilla is as hardboiled as they come. Another superbly written novel.
6. Michael Swanwick’s Stations of the Tide. How can a novel with lots of sex and allusions to Heart of Darkness not make my top ten list? Speaking of Heart of Darkness . . .
7. Alan Moore’s Watchmen. I don’t know what to say about Watchmen. If anyone out there hasn’t read it, beg, borrow, or steal a copy. Better yet, buy it.
8. Philip K. Dick’s The Man in the High Castle. The Axis has won World War II (wait a sec . . . is this fiction?), and America has been divided up between the Germans and the Japanese. Bob Hope is the only comedian whom the Nazis let live.
This is Dick’s masterpiece, in my opinion, although the Valis trilogy also has a warm place in my heart.
9. Robert Silverberg’s To Live Again. The recorded knowledge and personalities of great men and women are available to the living, for a price. This is my favorite of Silverberg’s body of work. I’m not sure how well it holds up over the years, but it stuck to my ribs for the last few decades — more than I can say about a lot of books.
10. Arthur C. Clarke’s Against the Fall of Night. In the far, far future of Earth, a kid goes on a journey of discovery, leaving behind everything familiar.
One of the first SF paperbacks I bought with my own money loooong ago. I read it many times as a kid. I hesitate to read it as an adult, because I’m afraid the magic will go poof.
Okay — your turn! And if you’re one of those Luuuuuurveâ„¢ junkies who has never read SF, make it your top 3 or 4 or whatever favorite SF movies.
D.
Harry Potter spoilers.
I saw the new Harry Potter movie last night* and I’m sad to say, yes, religious fundamentalists have a legitimate gripe on this one. The scene in which Harry and Ron kidnap newborn twin girls from Brighton, take them to Stonehenge, and sacrifice them to “the Dark Lord” went a wee bit over the top. Add to that the scene in which Professor Snape tells the Archbishop of Canterbury, “Your God is dead, you silly, silly man,” and I think we’re seeing some definite antireligious bias.
Of course, the ire of the religious right might have more to do with the now famous date rape scene in which Harry waves his wand over Hermione, incanting the magic words, “Damnitall Rohypnol!” But I choose to interpret that scene somewhat differently than most viewers. Did you notice that Hermione winked at the camera when Harry cast his spell? In this viewer’s opinion, this lent the scene a delicious ambiguity. The fact that Witchcraft played in the background also suggests Hermione’s complicity — and we all know who the most ‘talented’ witch at Hogwarts is, don’t we?
The love scene itself was the epitome of tameness, but do you expect more than tongues in a PG-13 movie? I think not. In any case, the story has been building up to this point, and I’m happy to see Harry get a little satisfaction, especially considering the fact he dies at the end of the movie.
Oh — I almost forgot:
Warning! Spoilers!
Technorati tag: harry potter, religious fundamentalism
D.
*Not strictly accurate. Actually, I saw that “Harry Potter” had top billing on the Technorati hit parade, and realized wistfully how long it had been since my last spell of Technorati whoredom.
Sharper image
Yup, it took me all of about two days to get sick of that buff-me photoshopped image. I’ve replaced it with a cute poison dart frog. Look at the full-sized image here.
Gradually, it dawned on me that folks wouldn’t take me seriously if I looked all ‘roided out. On the other hand, if I look like a venomous frog, they’ll surely pay attention.
We’ll see how long this lasts.
D.
Note added in proof:
Hmm. That “No, you may not breed with me” bit has taken on new layers of meaning.
The Gorjun is . . . um . . . riding a giant vibrator?
Boo-yah (or, as my ten-year-old says whenever he wins a game of chess*, “Huzzah!”) My first non-electronic publication, which is to say PRINT publication, is in PRINT, in Continuum Science Fiction, a PRINT science fiction magazine.
“The Gorjun is Free” is a story about a dysfunctional family, an alien artifact that looks like speckled poop, and several not-so-random changes to the fundamental constants of the universe. Former title, “All Change”, which no one liked but me.
So I’m leafing through, admiring the speckled poop illustration**, when I noticed this eye-popping breach of Strunk and White:
Like any true wonder, I couldn’t take my eyes away.
The opening phrase refers not to the sentence’s subject, but to the object of the narrator’s gaze. Well, you can bet I’m not going to read any further.
Other neat stuff: Editor Bill Rupp put my story first, wham, right there on page 2. In the table of contents, my story and byline are in larger font than the other stories. You would think I had a hand in the editing.
D.
*Yes, we are all geeks in the Hoffman household.
**In fairness, I did describe the artifact that way . . . but, did the artist have to take me so seriously?
*sob* Not one of you has mentioned my award!
You’d think winning People’s Sexiest Man Alive award would do something for my prospects, wouldn’t you? But bam‘s only taking calls from Scott Speedman, and I overheard Miss Snark hollering, “If it ain’t Clooney, I’m not here!” Or maybe that was Sheila . . . the women are all blurring together right about now.
No. What do I get? A bunch of teeny-boppers screaming at me while I’m trying to shop for groceries. (Overheard in Produce: “Doug, what do you think of these musk melons?”) All the attention baffled me until I saw the cover of People. Then I was like, “Girls, girls, I’m a happily married man, although if you truly value my opinion of fruit, I am willing to check for ripeness.”
Fame has its downside, as I am rapidly discovering. Rufus in Hardware pounded my face a few times, saying, “I’m gonna do something about the alive part.” Seems he came in second place and was none too happy about it. William from Home and Garden came to my rescue, but as he helped me to my feet he used a most unusual handhold.
Now that I am safely home, I find myself waxing philosophical about my award. How can any one man be THE sexiest man alive? Don’t we each embody the masculine ideal in our own peculiar ways? And is it really fair for People to subject me to such intense public attention, just so they can sell a few more magazines?
I’m also wondering whether this will alter my personal life. Karen seems to be treating me no different than usual; maybe she doesn’t know yet. I left a copy on her pillow, just in case.
D.
Stamper’s paradise
This one’s for my sister. (For the rest of my readers, skim through to the end. I won’t disappoint you.)
I missed her birthday this week, which I would like to say is a rare occurrence, but my memory says otherwise. I remembered to call (see? there have been worse years) but it’s still rather slovenly to forget like this. I mean, she never forgets my birthday, or Jake’s. (more…)