Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Coitus interruptus
Have any of you ever been in the thick of it with your spouse when all of a sudden the cat started myowrowling outside the window, and you tried to ignore it, but then your son came tap-tapping at the bedroom door, complaining, “I can’t get to sleep with the cat making that racket!” And after putting on your clothes and getting your son back to bed, you let the cat back in, figuring she needed something to eat, but she only wanted to get back outside again, and then she waited just long enough for you and your spouse to get hot and heavy again before myowrowling a second time, so you let her in and figured, “Oh, to hell with it, let her watch,” even though she wouldn’t stop complaining, but still you managed to get the job done (thinking, This is not what I had in mind when I imagined a threesome), and afterwards put the cat out again, only to have her snap up in her jaws the dead mouse which is what she wanted to show you all along, and then she brought it into your bedroom and proceeded to crunch her way through it on your carpet, because, damn it, she wanted an audience, too?
Not that any of this happened. I’m just asking.
D.
Whoa! Now THAT should have won the Bad Sex Contest!
*shudder*
Lol! And to think I don’t like cats before I knew they did that ;o)
Leg cramps cause a distraction too – don’t try them!
Mice (or other vermin) *crunching* I can handle. It’s when they aren’t at the crunching stage yet, and are still at the “wheeee, look at him go! Watch me catch him again!” stage that I really get annoyed.
Dude…uncrossing eyes. Way. Too. Much. Information.
My Mom, with a perverse sense of timing, calls during…erm…and leaves lengthy messages on the answering machine, usually requesting computer help:
“So I hit the “Send” button and the message disappeared. I don’t understand it. I looked everywhere and I can’t find it…”
Pat, my mom’s voice on the answering machine would be a total wood-kill.
As for too much information . . . guess you haven’t been around here much, eh? My wife is fond of saying, “You have no shame.”
[…] We adopted a cat, a barn cat/experienced mouser, and sure enough she loved, nay, luuurved going into the crawl spaces. She never brought back any presents — not from our attic, anyway — but her presence scared the rats away, for a time. […]