Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Thirteen things Americans should know about British Columbia
I shall begin this Thirteen with what is fast becoming a traditional whine:
If you knew what I had been through today, you would be impressed that I managed to write anything at all.
Cue violins, then follow me below the fold.
1. British Columbia looks like a stumpy California, and it is entirely blue.
2. It is a UFO hot spot.
3. Since ultraviolet rays are weaker this far north of the equator, clothing is optional at British Columbian beaches. Well, most of them. Or at least some of them. Bunch o’ hippies.
Mermaids abound.
4. Also like California, Cannabis fuels the local economy:
A 2006 study by the University of Victoria Centre for Addictions Research of BC and Simon Fraser University Applied Research on Mental Health and Addictions indicated cannabis use is more widespread among British Columbians than with the rest of Canadians. Production and sale of the drug is estimated by the provincial Organized Crime Agency to be among the province’s largest industries.
5. Under British Columbian law, no one may kill a Sasquatch, and no street musician may give balloon animals to children. Throughout Canada, margarine may not be sold legally, and “offending a public place with a bad smell” is punishable by up to two years in prison.
6. Chinook Jargon almost became British Columbia’s official language.
7. Maybe that explains why Canadians spell color “colour.”
8. On the highways in British Columbia, I could drive 90, sometimes even 110! That was so cool. I felt bad for the Mountie trying to catch up to me on his horse.
9. When I finally stopped to see what the nice man on the horse was so upset about, he explained: despite the fact the country is called British Columbia, we’re supposed to drive on the right side of the road.
10. Something’s screwy with the magnetic field in Vancouver. Vancouverites think they live in the Pacific Southwest.
11. And drivers in Vancouver? I think they’ve been trained in the States — they do a remarkably good imitation of American road rage.
12. Canadian paper money is beautiful:
. . . but weird. I thought I knew all of the US Presidents!
And the neatest fact, I have saved for last:
13. All British Columbians get their own pet Bald Eagles. I shit you not.
***
My traffic has hit the summer doldrums, so I had better do a Cosmo Thirteen soon. Either that, or write another piece on butt crack or camel toe. Thirteen Nipple Slips should generate some high quality traffic, too.
God only knows why I should care about the volume of traffic I receive for lewd image searches, but I do. I really do.
Anyway, you know what to do: leave me a comment and let me know you’re still out there, my faithful readers. In return, I shall decorate you with linky lurve.
Don’t worry, it washes off.
Anduin and her obstructionist cat
Sea bass beware: Invisible Lizard fires up the propane grill
Dean has been around. Expect me to rip off this Thirteen concept sometime soon.
Pat Johanneson’s got Viking Kitties. Are they catching?
Maureen, you slacker, post more Howie photos!
Pauline’s having a garage sale
Outrageous fireworks at M E-L’s place (scroll down a bit)
sxKitten is still blocked . . . no longer blocked. She’s got BIRDS!
Watch Thorne gear up for the Body Art Expo
D.
This was a very good 13. I enjoyed it very much. Glad you are back.
Still here, buddy. Still reading along your continued exploits.
Ooo, I wants my link. I wrote a Thirteen on places I’ve lived!
BC is California Lite. Thought everybody knew that.
#5: So that big ol’ tub of Imperial Margarine in my fridge is contraband, then. Good to know.
It’s really weird going into Ontario. There the margarine is treated with an orange dye so that it doesn’t look near so much like butter. This is the truth. Weird Ontario food laws…
I dunno, Pat. I live here and while I remember the orange margarine, I haven’t seen it that colour in years.
Interesting 13. Strange how some laws stay on the books.
mm
Well, to be fair, the last time I was actually in Ontario was probably sometime in the early 1990s. I guess things must’ve changed. My mistake.
Still here, reading, no longer lurking.
Well do come back to Ontario, Pat. The centre-of-the-Universe misses you! đ
We blame our road rage on American television – you guys taught us everything we know about driving (what, like we’re going to follow the Brits’ example there? Yeah, right!).
Margarine ban lifted Dec 14, 1948. You heard it hear first. I bet you’re all relieved!
Not so blocked now – I just posted some birds for you.
Welcome home! Fun TT! ââŹĹoffending a public place with a bad smellââŹÂ is punishable by up to two years in prison. That is a great law!! When was the last time you had to go to DMV?? *gag* Why is the guy who smells like onion soup always right behind me in line???