Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Monthly Archives: April 2013
I have a page on Amazon. You know what to do.
Here’s the Amazon link for Gator & Shark Save the World.
Here’s the Facebook post, modified to suit the blogging arena . . .
***
So many reasons to buy my book:
1. I don’t publish crap. Ever. If you don’t believe me, Amazon has posted the first three chapters for you to sample.
2. I’m a first-time author. Somewhere in the Bible, “supporting first-time authors” is a major mitzvah. (Shouting this out on your blog? That’s a mitzvah, too, as is leaving glowing reviews at Amazon. The ancient Israelites were all about leaving glowing reviews at Amazon. The Ten Commandments God gave to Moses? 4.7 stars — a few Philistines voted.) And if you’re an atheist, well, atheists are into good deeds, too, right?
3. Guaranteed to make wingnut heads explode!
4. Low, low price of $3.99. Face it, you spend more than that whenever you go to Starbucks, and my book won’t turn into pee two hours after you buy it.
5. Best of all, the story and characters are ripping good.
If the price is a problem, I will be hosting a few free days. To be announced.
D.
Colonoscopy: the live blog
My wife and sister have complained so much about this procedure that I have made a command decision: I’m going to enjoy this thing.
Stay tuned.
Either his head is that small, or my rectum is that huge
8:00 PM
The instructions said to take three Dulcolax (“dookies,” as we called them in residency) at 8:00 PM, two days prior to the procedure. They have a delightful candy coating, no doubt to encourage abuse. Yum!
8:15 PM
So far so good. I’m telling you, y’all are wimps.
9:40 PM
Nearly two hours into this, and I’m quite sure that I am still FOS. Color me underwhelmed. Meanwhile, I’ve been helping Jake with his housing application for UCLA. He didn’t want to bother with this, so I put him into the hall for brony vegans.
Thursday
1:30 PM
The dookies worked their magic at about 1:30 this morning. Kept me up for an hour, then I slept like a babe. Jake got his own ride to school this morning, so I didn’t have to face the specter of an unusually urgent commute. As for today, I’m on a clear liquid diet, and sadly I did not buy enough stuff to get me through the day. One can only drink so much chicken stock. Oddly enough, I’m not that hungry.
The real fun starts at 4:00, when I begin drinking the Miralax-Gatorade cocktail.
Oooh! Ancient popsicles! I’m in luck.
7:25 PM
I have created the finest green. So that’s what my bile looks like!
All of the Miralade is in and I’m feeling fine. More than anything else, I worry that the prep won’t be efficient enough and I’ll have to do this all over again. As much as I’m enjoying this, I would rather not do it again any time soon.
Friday
11:24 AM
And, done. The post-procedure crampiness (from gas) was the most unpleasant part of the whole thing. Otherwise, no big deal, and now my colon has a blue ribbon seal of approval. Or something like that.
D.