![\"Thursday](\"http:\/\/www.mysuspensionofdisbelief.com\/TT\/thursdaythirteen300.jpg\")
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\nThirteen Bad Habits What, you frog-kissers are still interested? Damn. You folks are tough.<\/p>\n If you're still interested in kissing the frog, you are truly smitten, or hopeless, or both.<\/p>\n Leave a comment, and I'll link to your Thirteen list here.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n J.M. Carr knows the truth about turtles, and teases me with crabcakes<\/a><\/p>\n Amanda gives us music<\/a><\/p>\n Verbal boners from Kate.<\/a> Sorry, I just love those two words in the same sense. Boners. Kate. Hah!<\/p>\n Katherine has photos<\/a> of yawning dogs, fat cats, and beautiful people<\/p>\n Caryn, a fellow writer<\/a>, reminds me why I dislike Las Vegas<\/p>\n \n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!<\/a><\/p>\n The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!<\/p>\n Yatta yatta yatta. Boy, am I sick of that paragraph.<\/p>\n Thirteen Bad Habits Too many of you want to kiss this frog and see what he turns into. Maybe not the guys in my audience, but I don’t write my blog for you anyway. Yes, when I envision my audience, they all have boobs and wonderful clutchable hips. Even the guys. Anyway, to discourage you… Continue Reading I know y’all think I’m perfect, but . . .<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thirteen-candles","radius"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=638"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/638\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ballsandwalnuts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/strong><\/p>\nToo many of you want to kiss this frog and see what he turns into. Maybe not the guys in my audience, but I don't write my blog for you anyway. Yes, when I envision my audience, they all have boobs and wonderful clutchable hips. Even the guys.<\/code><\/div>\nAnyway, to discourage you aspirants, I present to you a list of thirteen bad habits. The really bad<\/em> ones, not just the ones you lie about to potential employers (\"I'm a workaholic!\" or \"Sometimes I pay way too much attention to detail,\" or \"I have this bad habit of going down on my boss, like, compulsively<\/em>.\") Here we go.
\n<\/code><\/p>\n1. I bite my fingernails to the bloody quick. I would bite my toenails, too, if I could reach them. I'm trying to become more flexible for just that reason. Oh, and the autofellatio thing<\/a>, too, which (needless to say) is challenging with my two-inch-long erection.<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n2. I find flat, empty surfaces painfully inviting. I like to fill them with half-full soda cans, old lottery stubs, photos I've scanned but haven't bothered to put back into the album, dirty socks, junk mail, books to be read, books I've read but haven't bothered to put back into our bookshelf, and magazines I will never read.
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n3. The floor is a special place -- sort of a shrine, in my opinion. I grace it with my dirty clothes and all the little bits I bite off my fingernails. (You thought I ate them? I may have bad habits, but I'm not sick<\/em>.)
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\n4. I have my own special way of cleaning kitchen countertops. It involves sweeping everything onto the floor. I also leave cabinet doors open so that I can bump my head into them and scream four-letter words.<\/strong>
\n<\/code><\/p>\n5. I believe yelling at cats Accomplishes Something.<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n6. Leftovers should not be discarded from the fridge until either (A) I have run out of dishes, or (B) the food has more fuzz than a Chia pet.
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n7. I have yet to learn PBW<\/a>'s secret of limiting my time on the Internet. Yes, I know this isn't funny. It really<\/em> isn't funny.<\/strong>
\n<\/code><\/p>\n8. Although I enjoy writing about good food, I love eating some truly nasty foods. I once made a gastroenterology resident sick to his stomach by eating, right in front of him, pork rinds with Cheese Whiz.
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n9. As a direct consequence of #8, I possess remarkable room-clearing capabilities. I'm legendary in our OR. Foreplay talk in our bedroom usually includes, \"God, Doug, what have you been eating?\"
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n10. I'm told I sneeze, burp, and sigh too loudly, but it all sounds fine to me. My mother, on the other hand, rattles windows.
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n11. Remember that bit about yelling at cats? I do the same thing with my son . . . way too often.
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n12. Karen says I drive a car \"like an unguided missile.\" I call it \"preemptive driving.\" You mean that center lane isn't<\/em> a passing lane? It is in France!
\n<\/strong><\/code><\/p>\n13. I am not above begging for sex. Reasoning, bargaining, and whining have all worked on occasion, too. One of these days, if I get up the nerve, I'll try Rhett Butler's technique. Women like that sort of thing, don't they?
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\nD.<\/code><\/p>\n<\/p>\nView More Thursday Thirteen Participants<\/a><\/code><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"