Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Writer’s Life
Morning quickie
Check out Miss Snark. She’s a literary agent, and she’s currently analyzing opening pages (the first three hundred words of novels). Mine hasn’t come under her snarky knife yet, but I’m going to go on record before she savages me by saying this has been educational. Y’all are burying your leads (paraphrase?) was one of many gems. I hadn’t thought to look at my novel as a journalist would, which is foolish, since the damned thing is about a journalist.
D.
Stylistic tics
In the best writing, the author disappears.
Not everyone would agree with this. The success and critical acclaim of authors like M. John Harrison, China Mieville, and Neil Gaiman would seem to argue otherwise. I appreciate what these authors achieve with their pyrotechnics, and I enjoy them (especially Gaiman) if I’m in the mood, but this is not the kind of writer I want to be.
I want my readers to forget I exist. Martin Cruz Smith is my role model, along with a slew of hardboiled novelists who put the story first and themselves last. I’m thinking about James Crumley (The Last Good Kiss), Jim Thompson, Harry Crews (A Feast of Snakes). Yeah, I could go on.
Invisible writing requires a vicious internal editor to seek out and eradicate all stylistic tics. You know about tics, right?
As I trudge through this monstrous manuscript, I’m learning to find and destroy my worst tics:
- Anemic sentences, thanks to dependence on ‘was’, ‘was (verb)ing’, and other abuses of the verb to be.
- Overuse of em dashes, semicolons, and ellipses.
- Poorly handled speaker attributions. I’m a saidist (my characters will occasionally shout, murmur, or whisper, but they usually just say things, and never ever ever do they aver, proclaim, hiss, or growl their sentences). Nevertheless, my attributions often suck.
Those are my primary tics. Have you found yours yet?
D.
Jump for joy
After the Game, by Kenney Mencher
You know what I love best about this one? The expression on the cheerleader’s face. What is she thinking?
I fell in love with this painting and almost bought it. Instead, we bought one we could hang in our office without fear of giving elderly men angina.
It’s fun following the comment thread to PBW’s latest writing exercise. Check it out. In brief, the idea is to summarize your current writing project in 25 words or less.
Several writers are working on multiple projects. This blows me away. I feel daunted by my ONE project, and here are folks with three, four, or more pans in the fire. Meanwhile, I’m thinking editing doesn’t feel like the best word for this activity. Crawling is a better word. Crawling through molasses studded with fire ants.
Why? Because no one freaks out over mad buffalo disease. Here’s the recipe:
1 lb ground buffalo
1 package Lipton’s onion soup mix
1 egg
Several turns of freshly ground black pepper
Combine thoroughly. Let the mixture sit in the refrigerator at least one hour. Cook ’em over coals. No, not under the oven broiler, you heathen. Some people.
D.
In case you’re wondering what’s up . . .
T-lady has been reading my novel. Ain’t she a sweetheart? Since it’s humongous, she wants to read it all in one shot rather than come back to it every few days. At the rate she’s reading, she should be finished by tomorrow, and back to blogging by Saturday.
Doug (Mr. T-lady)
Curses, Tarantula Lady!
My lovely wife, Tarantula Lady, has made it 2/3 of the way through my manuscript. I’m still shy of the 1/3 mark. Last night, she announced I had major problems.
Sul, the main female protagonist, has motivation issues. As written, the story has her traipsing off into the wilderness to find someone who may or may not exist (and, even if he does exist, there’s no guarantee he can help Sul) when three of her children are missing. Her ostensible reason for doing this: it’s her only way to get leverage on the bad guys and thereby help her family — MAYBE.
Karen took issue with this.
We brainstormed for over an hour and succeeded in fixing the problem. I’m going to (1) take care of one of those missing kids right off the bat; (2) give a much better explanation why she can’t go after the other two; and (3) give her a far stronger reason for seeking out that fellow in the wilderness. Better yet, these changes will take care of what I’ve felt all along to be one of the weakest aspects of the climax: I pulled all my major characters back to one location for the big showdown. Thanks to the changes above, Sul and Tui (my male lead) now have a far better reason for converging on the same location.
Bottom line, though: I have scenes to axe, others to modify, and others to create from scratch. I’m looking forward to it, though, because I know the end result will be a much stronger climax.
Have I mentioned my vow to write a better outline, next time around?
D.
PS: Surgery today and surgery committee meeting this evening, so this be all my bloggin’ for today, my droogs.
Hateful Heroes and Heroines
I thought it might be fun to bring the rest of you in on my discussion with Pat regarding unsympathetic protagonists. (See comments to this post.)
It’s not tough making your protag likable and sympathetic. Long ago, I read some advice on this: when you introduce your protag, either (A) have him tell a joke, or (B) put him in an embarrassing or humiliating situation.
The joke. It had damn well better be funny, and not annoying-funny, either. You want your reader to like your protag, okay? Also, by ‘tell a joke’, I don’t mean, “So a rabbi, a priest, and a bowl of guacamole walk into a bar.” ‘A joke’ in this context means anything that will make the reader smile. Chandler’s introduction of Phillip Marlowe in the beginning of The Big Sleep is a good example. In first person POV, Marlowe describes what he’s wearing, and if you have any imagination you’ll be grinning by the end of that description. Also, think about how rapidly Mark Twain establishes rapport between the reader and Huck in the beginning of Huck Finn.
Embarrassment. Preferably, this should be a situation a reader can easily relate to. The first example which comes to my mind: from the Analog issue I recently reviewed, Richard Lovett’s “Zero Tolerance”. Lovett opens the story by having his middle-aged protag dressed in a Harry Potter outfit for a Halloween costume party. He’s turned away at the door because he doesn’t have ID and can’t prove his age (even though he’s old enough to pass for Dumbledore — and that’s Lovett’s joke, not mine. He’s using both techniques to build empathy). Now he has to roam the city in a silly Harry Potter outfit.
I’ll add more examples of this in the Comments, when I remember ’em.
I’d also add (C) put your protag in a situation which highlights one or more of her better traits.
Here’s how Lizzy is introduced in Pride and Prejudice. Lizzy’s mom is talking to Lizzy’s dad :
“… Lizzy is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Jane, nor half so good humoured as Lydia. But you are always giving her the preference.”
“They have none of them much to recommend them,” replied he; “they are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters.”
Sure, this is thinly veiled ‘telling’, but it succeeds nonetheless in building sympathy for all the Bennett sisters (What do you mean, ‘none of them much to recommend them’ — what kind of father is that?) and Lizzy in particular. We’re also told that Lizzy is ‘quick’. Soon enough, we see that quick wit in action.
To cross genres (big time), think about the ‘Deliverator’ opening in Snowcrash. (Amazon has their ‘look inside’ function enabled, in case you’re interested.) Stephenson introduces Hiro Protagonist as a determined man of action with a sense of humor to burn. Hiro’s focus on delivering his pizza before the deadline tells us all we need to know.
That said, I confess I never felt too much empathy or sympathy for Hiro. His smugness put me off. The female lead, YT, had a lot more going for her in the empathy department.
One last point. (D) You can get a lot of mileage if your character appears full of mystery. Here, I’m thinking about the opening to Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Here’s how Conrad introduces Marlow:
Marlow sat cross-legged right aft, leaning against the mizzenmast. He had sunken cheeks, a yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and, with his arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled an idol.
What’s the first thing out of his mouth?
“And this also,†said Marlow suddenly, “has been one of the dark places of the earth.â€
They’re on the Thames, for cryin’ out loud. The last thing the stodgy Brits on the boat with Marlow want to hear is a comparison of London to the Congo — yet that’s the whole point. What the hell is Marlow thinking? What’s on his mind? Out with it, already!
Okay, I’ve blathered on too long. (I haven’t even gotten to Janet Evanovich’s introduction of Stephanie Plum in One for the Money.) Now it’s your turn.
D.
On a sharper note,
I tracked down the submission guidelines for Tor Books, and I happily note that they’ll accept unagented submissions. They also give a 4 to 6 month turnaround on such submissions.
I’m tempted to send in my ‘first three chapters plus synopsis’ even though I am still editing, but I just know this sort of amateurish move would bite me in the ass.
Patience . . . patience . . .
Why Tor? Cuz they published John C. Wright’s The Golden Age, another MEGA novel that they had to divide up into three books. So they shouldn’t cringe at my 300K-word tome, right?
D.
The Gorjun is Free
I imagine that one of the coolest things about being an editor is the power to rename another author’s work. Not that I liked the story’s original title, “All Change,” but I kept hoping we would find a title that would make me do a little dance.
Oh, well. I can live with “The Gorjun is Free”, and I really have nothing better to suggest to Continuum’s editor, Bill Rupp. I’m just tickled that things are finally moving forward.
TBC update: first pass 25% complete. Here, too, things are moving forward. (Karen’s recommendations: The Marx brothers skit gets dropped. Butch and Sundance stay. Sul’s near-rape by beak-builder Biff Bols gets dropped. And that’s a shame, since I dearly loved it when she kneed him in the crotch. Still, it does nothing to further the story, and that whole sequence takes a LONG time to play out.)
Sorry today’s post is so incoherent. I worked hard on my Analog review for Tangent and had no time left for creative blogging. Or, for that matter, cooking dinner.
Hey Debi: remember Bare Rump’s last will and testament? Oh, how I love that bit. That, of course, stays.
More tomorrow.
D.
Editing update, and a snippet
6 Reasons for my present brain-fry:
- I’ve begun line-editing my manuscript. Status: 12.5% done.
- Four loads of laundry.
- Two loads for the dishwasher.
- Cooked a ham, candied yams, and eggplant parmigiano.
- Went to the gym. Thanks to the summer cold, I’m out of shape again, but I still managed a 25-minute workout.
- Trip to the grocery store and drug store.
Here’s my editing strategy. Never having edited a novel before, I can’t tell you if these are bright ideas or not.
- Run through the text, correcting all major errors and omissions I’ve thought of during the writing process. DONE.
- First hard copy edit. Catch all the little shit, and the big shit, too. (Such as Karen’s comment from a few minutes ago: “Why don’t the Kirbys just return to their lander when the mugwasps fly in?” Um . . . because I really, really want them to head down into the spider caves?) 12.5% complete.
- Second run-through on the text, this time making the changes in computero which I’ve penciled in at step 2. That’s when I’ll be adding and deleting scenes.
Since I do much of the coarse editing with the very first writing, the manuscript is already in pretty good shape. Mostly, I need to fix consistency issues. For example: Brakans are birds (sort of). They do not sleep in beds. They do not use pillows. That sort of thing.
And now, because you’ve been good, here’s your snippet for the day. This comes at the end of Chapter Six, when Commander Brek has successfully recruited all forty Colonel Kirbys from the master-creator of synthetic humans, Whizzer Ugh. (Colonel Kirby was John Wayne’s character in The Green Berets.) Jeannie is another synthetic human modeled after Barbara Eden, circa I Dream of Jeannie.
Thirty-nine Kirbys filed into the choppers while one remained behind, lingering in Jeannie’s embrace. The two lovers’ eyes were locked, and he rubbed the small of her back forcefully with both hands, as if he might join her forever to him. When the lieutenant blew his whistle, this last Kirby pulled himself from Jeannie’s arms and marched to the nearest chopper. She crumpled to her knees, her anguished cries muted by the choppers’ mounting roar.
Campy melodrama ;o)
D.
PS: Beth has something on her mind. Please, for the love of God, don’t tell her where I live.
Here’s a snippet for you
I’ve been working on Chapter 23 today, which is roughly halfway through the novel. I had thought this chapter would be ripe for paring (and at 300,000 words, one could argue this novel needs paring). Now that I’m rereading it, I’m loving it more than ever.
Bear in mind that I wrote a novel that I would enjoy reading. That has always been my first goal. So if I gush over my own work, you’ll understand why.
Here’s that snippet. Sul, my female protagonist, is taking an elevator to see my eeevil villainess, Madame Isen (think Tammy Faye Bakker crossed with Laura Bush). That’s all you need to know.
The left and right elevator walls were adorned with Church posters. Sul recognized one from last year’s Supra-Tithe Pledge Drive. Holding hands, Madame Isen and the Arch-pastor sat together on a marble bench in the green promenade fronting the Timbrel Cathedral. They leaned in towards one another, beaming at the camera. In flowing script, set against a blue sky, were the words,
You are one of Ki-Ni’s nest, and our nest, too!
Your “love offerings†make it possible
to broadcast Ki-Ni’s glorious message to the world!
We love you more than you can know!
Thank you for everything!!The other poster featured Madame Isen seated at her desk, the Arch-pastor standing behind her. His talons rested lightly on her shoulders. She wore a gold tiara and a flowing white gown; he wore his traditional black three-piece suit. This poster wasn’t familiar, and when Sul read the caption, she understood why.
Thanks to the miracle of “singularities†and Benevolent
Satellite technology, we can spread the love of Ki-Ni
throughout the Galaxy faster than the speed of light!
But we can’t do it without your help!
Send us your “love offerings†today!!Well, thought Sul, the Church certainly seems confident in the negotiations’ outcome. She remembered the Arch-pastor’s announcement at the prayer breakfast. Their very own Satellite station . . . nonstop Kinist evangelism for the Silk Road’s many hungry ears and other sensory appendages. Was that what this was all about? But the Satellite station would be free, and heaven knew the Church already had a firm handle on the business of network television. Why would they use the station as a ploy for more donations?
Why wouldn’t they?
D.