Thirteen Foreign Bodies

Thursday Thirteen
This one is inspired by Kate, who has her own thirteen posted.

1. An artificial fingernail, removed from an adult's ear. Ouch!

2. Cockroaches, too many to remember.

3. Facial mud mask dried to the consistency of concrete, removed from the ear of a crazy person.

4. Black-eyed pea, removed from a young girl's nasal passage.

5. Silly putty, placed in a child's ear (as an ear plug) by a common sense-challenged mother.

6. Red string removed from my son's nose. And the shoemaker's sons go shoeless . . .

7. Half a pigeon head removed from an 18-month-old's larynx. Oh yes, more common sense-challenge parents to blame.

8. Countless pennies and nickles removed from little itty bitty esophaguses from Los Angeles to San Antonio.

9. A truly nasty meat impaction in the esophagus. When Alec Baldwin was learning how to play a doctor, he was watching me and my junior resident tackle this one.

10. Bamboo in the neck following a motorcycle accident.

11. Numerous bullet fragments recovered from the neck and face. Yes, we really do love to throw them into a metal bowl, so much that we usually do it over and over again, because it's things like that that make being an ENT worthwhile.

12. A rock of crack, which I wrote about here.

13. And enough childrens' beads to weave a size 14 wedding gown.

D.

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Yatta yatta yatta. Boy, am I sick of that paragraph.

9 Comments

  1. Blue Gal says:

    Are you trying to tell me that I’m not the only mother in the history of the universe to find out a coin was stuck in my baby’s esophagus? Oh man. I took baby to a physicians assistant who said, Oh, with all this pollen in the air, it’s just a little wheezing. Fast forward TWO MONTHS to her regular pediatrician (yep, the one who saved my life earlier) and he said, well, I just treat these things a little more aggressively, I want to do a chest xray here at the office. They found the dime, which we still have so she can take it to college with her. I so totally lost it when I found out that doc sent his nurses in to deal with me. He’d had enough of me and my histronics, methinks. Long story short: the discharge papers took longer than the surgery. Oh, and my little pink six month old daughter was carried into the operating room by a guy who looked just like Refrigerator Perry, and she loved it.

  2. Wow. I am repulsed and fascinated. Mostly fascinated. More, please!

  3. Kris Starr says:

    I need to now go Javex my brain to remove my imagined picture of the pigeon head.

    *scrub, scrub, scrub*

    *insert full-body shudder here, and not of the good kind*

  4. jona says:

    What, no crayons? But I guess you’re only allowed thirteen ;o)

    And the pigeon head makes me feel sick!

  5. Darla says:

    Oh, thanks so much, Doug. Not only do I have scary, scary images in my head now, but that damn “beans in my ears” song won’t shut up.

    Hmmmm…. maybe if I put beans in my ears, I won’t hear it anymore?

  6. Walnut says:

    Reminds me of the time, early in our relationship, when Karen and I were in a bookstore together. As we were passing through the kids’ section, she began laughing hysterically, so hard she couldn’t tell me what was so damn funny. Tears streaming from her eyes, the whole thing. I thought she’d lost it for sure.

    After a LONG time, she was finally able to tell me what had set her off: The Little Bunny Foo Foo song was playing in the kids’ section. Specifically,

    “Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    I don’t want to see you
    Scooping up the field mice
    And boppin’ ‘em on the head.”

    Her friend Kira used to sing it. Karen hadn’t realized it was a real song. Damnedest thing.

  7. sxKitten says:

    My kids love Foo Foo – and they could do all the hand motions for it by 18 months.

  8. KariBelle says:

    I knew if I checked in again today there would be an explaination for the pigeon head. I was sure I was not the only person saying “WTF!” I will admit that I had more of an Ozzy Ozborne kind of explanation in mind, but the true story is bad enough. The things some people do, Jeez Louise.

    I am pretty careful, but my daughter did once pull a button off her dress and shove it up her nose. She was too freaked out for me to even look up her nose to see what was in there and I really thought we would have to make a trip to the Dr. Fortunately, I was able to get her to relax and after a few tries the old “hold the other nostril closed and blow” trick popped it right out. The funny part was that the entire time it was in her nose and she was freaking out she kept insisting that it was just a “really big booger that hurts.” I knew that was not right. When the button went flying across the room and I went to retrieve it she just looked at me like a little tear-streaked angel and said, “Now, how did that get in there?”

  9. Walnut says:

    LOL I love foreign bodies flying across the room, especially snot rockets!