Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
You could make a stone ache.
Like many of you, I sometimes check my referrals. How are people finding Balls and Walnuts? Well, this morning, someone found me by searching for “testalgia”.
Hmm. I didn’t even know I had written about testalgia, but apparently so. Back in October, a big Technorati slutstravaganza month for yours truly, I concluded a lengthy blogwhoring section with the following:
Awright, awright, that’s enough whoring for the weekend. If I do any more of this, I’ll end up with testalgia. Ask Beth, she knows what it means.
I’ll bet Beth has forgotten all about this, too. Or not.
Testalgia, also known as orchialgia, also known as orchidynia (guys, bet you didn’t know your stones were also orchids!) is commonly known as blue balls or stone ache. With sexual arousal, the genitals engorge with blood. Primarily, this is a venous capacitance effect. In other words, it’s the venous system, not the arterial system, which swells with blood. If orgasm occurs, the vessels relax and everything goes back to normal. If not, then the vessels may remain distended.
According to this Discovery Health Article,
This uneven blood flow causes an increase in volume of blood trapped in the genitals and contributes to the penis becoming erect and the testicles becoming engorged with blood. During this process of vasocongestion the testicles increase in size 25-50 percent.
Wow! I wasn’t imagining it. There’s more:
The condition usually does not last long and the level of pain associated with blue balls is usually minor and can be exaggerated. Most men have been socialized to ejaculate when they get an erection during sexual activity. Failure to ejaculate and to feel orgasm often adds frustration and disappointment to the reality of the physical sensation.
Like hell it’s minor. Guys, back me up on this. Think back to your virginal days, when all you could do was kiss and grope for hours. Felt like you’d been kicked in the nads afterwards, didn’t it?
I learned from Discovery Health that women get stone ache, too. In med school, we were taught that we should be very gentle during that portion of a pelvic exam when we palpated the ovaries. My fingers are too short, so I never did get to feel an ovary. Some women, I could barely reach the cervix. So ended my budding career as a gynecologist.
I would like to conclude this public service announcement with a snip from one of my favorite Country Western songs.
You can tell my arms : Go back into the farm!
You can tell my feet to hit the floor.
You can tell my lips to tell my fingertips,
they won’t be reaching out for you no more.
But don’t tell my balls,
my achy breaky balls
D.
to get “blue balls” w/out the pain. You’ll have to scroll down a bit. It’s more funny & ridiculous then offensive, I think.
“the level of pain associated with blue balls is usually minor and can be exaggerated.”
Ahh yes. What “not a man” cretin wrote that, I wonder? Someone who obviously does not understand the role “testalgia” played in creating way too quick marriages in an age when screwing wasn’t as available as shaking hands as it seems to be these days. ;>)
That should have started “Here’s the place . . .
& the URL should have been http://www.nutsfortrucks.com/getsome.html
Completely off the subject–thank you so much for the Fesenjen recipe. I made it tonight for my wife and some friends and it was a huge hit! I used chicken instead of duck and pecans instead of walnuts. Incredible.
ROF, makes me almost wish I owned a truck.
Not 😉
Funny thing is, I’ve seen “truck balls” around these parts. I wonder if anyone has ever had their balls stolen?
RB, glad to be of service. I can’t recall if I mentioned it in that post, but I especially like fesenjan with basmati rice that has developed a buttery, crispy crust on the bottom. mmmm-mmmmm.
I did the rice, but skipped the crusty kind this time. Rice crust is truly one of the greatest things going. A sunny side up egg on top with some kimchee (the diakon radish, cubed, kind) Damn!!!
Remember these? What fun. I’m sure it was a man somewhere that had them banned.
We used to call those klick-klacks, Maureen. Kids would make a racket in the halls and get ’em confiscated. Dangerous, too.
Or are the ones you sent the link to just a different version of these?
RB, one of these days I’ll write a whole post about Korean pickles (not just kimchee, but all the other stuff they bring out). Whenever we go to Korean restaurants, I make a meal of the pickles and have no room left for dinner.
Doug, I heard that song as:
“Don’t tell it to my wife-
my witchy, bitchy wife.”
My husband saw a Hummer with not one, but two sets of chrome ‘balls.’ The back window had a decal that said, “Hum on these.”
It’s amazing what the guys around here do for entertainment. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was trying to compensate for.
Eesh.
Yeah, I have no recollection of what that was supposed to be about. Huh.
Now how did yu know the real words to that song???
If they heard it on the car radio, my kids would hollar it at the tops of their lungs, and I would duck my head and pretend I didn’t know them…
CAN GIRL’s GET BLUE BALLS OR IN OTHER WORDS ” BLUE OVARIES”?? I HAVE HEARD OF IT BUT I DONT KNOW IF ITS A PROVEN FACT…
I’ve heard of it, too. Can’t say I have any personal experience, though 😉
[…] Blue ovaries By Walnut In the comment thread to this post, Vanessa writes: CAN GIRL’s GET BLUE BALLS OR IN OTHER WORDS †BLUE OVARIESâ€?? I HAVE HEARD OF IT BUT I DONT KNOW IF ITS A PROVEN FACT… […]
[…] Thirteen things I learned at the Sleep Disorders meeting By Walnut Every so often, I feel honor-bound to share my knowledge with you, my beloved readers. I’ve told you how to clean your ears and pick your noses; I’ve given you helpful pointers on how to reduce your risk (or your husband’s risk) of prostate cancer. I’ve taught you how to douche your noses, and I’ve helped you deal with the heartbreak of orchialgia (AKA testalgia, AKA stone ache). Today, we’ll talk about the other third of your life: sleep. […]
About this….I didn’t lnow what was the pain, and I did not want to talk to anyone about it, until it got to the point to where I got a girlfriend, and I told her that I have pain there and she said did you see the doctor for it? Well, no I said. Then I went. It was embarrassing to talk about it, I couldn
t even look at the doctor till after I was finished. It is good that I did, as now there is recovery.
Been a while since the last I wrote. I broke up with her; there were things going on that I didn’t like. Keeping it a secret from her family, not wanting me to show her any affection in front of her son, seems like the only time she was calling was when she wanted me to do something for her, i.e, take to the store, lent her 500.00 for a car. Anyway, I told her that I was afraid that this was cancerous, and I didn’t want to put her through that. I will be going to the Dr. again the 30th and then the 3rd of Nov. She still wanted to be with me, but I told her that I took time and was thinking about things that happened (Like I stated above) so I will end up telling her the truth. I still have the problem with the pain it’s better but still there. Will do more research on the subject of this orchidynia