Call them Dude A and Dude B. I couldn’t see either one (there was a row of lockers between us) so I cannot provide any factual verification.
Dude A: Dude! You’re not going to!
Dude B: Gotta. I forgot to bring another pair of shorts.
Dude A: Dude, those are zipper pants.
Dude B: Yeah, well.
Dude A: I’m just saying. Dude.
Dude B: Dude, you’re like a hundred times bigger than me, so I’m telling you, I don’t have to worry about it.
Dude A: Unless you’ve like shrunk up since high school, you’re big enough to reach your zipper.
Dude B: Not a problem ‘less I get a hard-on.
Dude A: It happens, Dude. Like, spontaneously.
Dude B: No, man, I’m getting too old for that shit. Mine takes some attention.
From there, it devolved into a discussion of what it would take to get a spontaneous erection these days. The word “penis” figured prominently. Dude, I’m not kidding.